WOW, I can’t even believe I hit the 300-day mark. It seems like it was just yesterday my wife told me that she was done with me and my BS and that our marriage was over. The only reason she didn’t pack up and leave that very day was that she didn’t want to traumatize our daughters. She told me that we’d be living like roommates and just pretending to be a family in front of everyone else until our eldest made into high school (2.5 yrs).
I honestly thought I was done, I didn’t even say sorry or apologize, I just gave up. She was done and began looking for some kind of support groups on Facebook and someone gave her this NoFap site. She forwarded to me and didn’t even think I would do anything. She didn’t have a reason to, as I never really did anything in the past. However, I did and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. Like I said it seems like yesterday that she told me that she was done with me, but it was a long and bumpy journey with a lot of twists and turns.
I didn’t even know what I would be doing on this forum when I started, I never was good at writing, my entries were short, but now I write and sometimes don’t realize just how much I’ve written. I’ve learned so much during this recovery forum my APs on NoFap, but my biggest support and help was my wife, I really don’t think I would’ve been where I am if it wasn’t for her. Even though she told me that she was done with me, when I started recovery she told me from the start that she will support me and neither of us ever thought we would be where we are right now, in a happy and loving relationship. I learned that there is so much more to recovery then just stopping PM, or PMO if you doing hard mode, there are so many layers.
True recovery is a commitment to yourself, a huge lifestyle change, the way you think, and a whole lot of self-care. If someone just stopped PM and thinks that that’s all there is to it, there is nothing else you have to do and you can continue spending most of your time watching Netflix, playing video games, or whatever other mindless activities you enjoy doing for fun, you will not get better and sooner or later you will relapse.
Recovery means changing everything in your life so that those old habits and triggers that might’ve pushed you to PM will no longer be in your life, set boundaries so that even if you do get triggered you won’t relapse. Also, there were so many layers for my recovery that I didn’t even see coming, or even thought about it.
This is a difficult and journey, I know that I have a long way to go till I can be sure of myself that I won’t relapse. No one can do this alone, and I am happy I am on this forum and I can get support and that I have a supportive and open-minded wife. We are in a better place now than we ever been, thanks to communication and honesty, the way we feel about each other is so hard to even put in words. We are both the happiest we’ve been in the longest time in our lives, I personally only now really know what it means to really love a woman. I thought I loved her but I never even knew the meaning of that word. I don’t even think I was happy for most of my marriage unless I was PMing.
Now, I just can’t get enough of her, and it doesn’t matter what we doing, even going to the supermarket that used to be a drag, now we both looking forward to. It wouldn’t be possible if I didn’t decide to commit to being completely vulnerable, giving her my full disclosures… if we didn’t communicate openly and honestly with each other, no matter how unpleasant it might be for either of us. Until I showed her that I am completely honest with her and told her everything that I’ve done, things that she knew and didn’t know, we didn’t move forward, only when I was rigorously honest with her and only then our connection grew and we found our intimacy, and I mean what it really means to be intimate with each other, we were able to get there because we became vulnerable with each other.
Most importantly you have to want to do it for yourself first, before anyone else. Changing your lifestyle, setting up boundaries, or anything else you might do, you have to want to do it and that requires the drive, patience, and persistence and if you are being forced to do it when you don’t really want to make that change, it will not work. Before you can be honest with anyone else you need to be honest with yourself before you can be vulnerable with anyone else you need to be vulnerable with yourself. You have to make a choice if you want to continue to live like you were or change yourself. I finally hit my rock bottom and made a choice and it was the best decision in my life. I came so close to losing everything to now having one of the best relationships with my wife and my kids.
Here is one YouTube channel that helped me understand many things about recovery and addiction, and don’t just stop there, there are so many resources and so many tools that can help with recovery. These guys I really like because you get three points of views at the same time.
I wish everyone luck and remember don’t give up and you are not alone.
#Must Watch Couples Recovery & Healing: The Betrayed, The Addicted & The Expert
LINK – 300+ days in Recovery.