My experience during this period in hard mode:
Confidence, I feel like I can do and say anything while being assertive
I love playing the guitar and before I’d only play in my room, I’d never play for someone else because I’d always think about their opinion. During this period I learned to play a song in a foreign language and decided to be vulnerable, I played and sang the song in front of the people that I interact with every day and whose opinion I’d care about the most, my coworkers. I saw their faces and the smiles they had but I actually focused on me, I played the song because I liked it and wanted to share it, I regularly go to the beach and play/sing while listening to the sea soundwaves.
No filters for friends or anyone, respect is one of my core values and I practice it with myself first and then with others, if someone is giving me a hard time I’ll politely express what I feel and ask them what we could do about it. I’d always be afraid of little things like asking for advice but now I just say it, no need to overthink it.
Energy, transmutation is important to stop thinking about P
I started going to the gym for about a year but routinely during NoFap about 4 times a week and I’ve gotten fit, I was always ashamed of being skinny and I’d always wear baggy clothes. After I got fit I’ve found out the style of clothes that I like to wear and I embrace my masculinity and no longer feel cringy if I wear classy clothes that are fit.
There’s something about this energy that you no longer waste, it’s not you feeling it but the people around you can feel it too, you know it and they know it, some women look at me and as soon as I look at them in the eyes while holding eye contact they can’t resist but blush or look away.
Depression, some days are really good and some days are really bad.
I don’t want to discourage you but I’ve felt really lonely at times during this period (the famous flatline), I cried sometimes because of all the bad memories of the past that led me to think that I’ve wasted my youth but there’s no point in thinking about this in this way. I understand that I’ve always had this feeling before but because of the numbness of PMO I haven’t had a chance to acknowledge it, I use this feeling as fuel to keep on improving every day.
It’s been a while since I’ve thought about P and today’s just another day.