My husband is 51 and battled with porn for the last 40 years. He was a 3xs a week guy (maybe more pending circumstances). When I found out about his addiction 2 years ago, he went cold turkey…but that didn’t work for a 40 year addiction and over the next 2 years he would look at images and masturbate about 1-3xs a month. HUGE IMPROVEMENT!
How was he so successful??? We downloaded Covenant Eyes on ALL devices in the house and I was the accountability partner. He did end up pulling out old computers and accessing porn for a period of maybe a month before trashing the computers…so there have definitely been relapses throughout the last 2 years, but always forward progress.
Now, he’s gone 4 months without images or masturbation at all and LET ME TELL YOU…things are changing! The last time we had sex, he was SO MUCH HARDER than I ever thought possible. He didn’t seem to really notice the difference, but I sure did! We’ve been having sex for 12 years and this was NOT what I’ve been used to. In the past, he would only get super hard a few seconds before orgasming. This time, he was that hard FROM THE BEGINNING and he maintained it throughout. It was freaking awesome and is only due to the fact that he has been porn and masturbation free!
Also, he looks at me now and SEES me. I’m fit and reasonably attractive, but now all of a sudden he seems attracted to me in a way that he never was before. The crazy thing is that I looked MUCH BETTER 12 years ago when we married, but he couldn’t see it because his brain was so wired to find cut-up, altered, airbrushed porn stars attractive. I came up short. But now he’s becoming so much more sensitive to the lesser sexual things. So me in a form fitting shirt is all of a sudden hot! 🤷🏻♀️👏🏼 It’s awesome!
The change in my husband has been a hard and painful road to travel, but to see how things are finally looking up is so incredible.
To all you guys struggling with porn, the inability to find your S.O. attractive, PIED, and depression…it DOES GET BETTER! It’s a slow process to rewire your brain, but don’t quit trying no matter how many times you relapse.
Things that helped us:
Honesty and transparency. Porn lives in secrecy and coming clean with me was critical in his success.
Counseling. Porn causes pain for all involved. We both needed healing.
Accountability. Covenant Eyes is a GREAT choice to get your devices monitored. Look into it immediately.
Get rid of social media (or share your accounts and all passwords with your accountability partner). Again, secrecy can’t exist. Social media is a trigger. Get rid of all triggers if you can.
If you can’t get rid of all triggers, do your best to filter them. We went through my husbands youtube subscriptions and blocked any accounts that would use suggestive thumbnails as their video cover shot. He doesn’t need to see a sexy girl in a bikini while he’s scrolling through YouTube. Say “not interested” to any suggestion that has an inappropriate image. We also changed his sex to female to see if that might lessen the sexually charged suggestions.
Clear all your history so you won’t get suggestions or ads that lead you back to porn.
STAY OPEN AND HONEST. Odds are, you WILL relapse. Don’t repeat the same pattern that got you here to begin with by keeping it secret.
Educate yourself. Read “Your Brain on Porn”. Go to their website and read about what porn does to you. Join groups if you can.
NEVER.STOP.TRYING!!! Don’t give up!!! A relapse is simply a chance to start over with a new slate. LEARN FROM IT. Why did you relapse? What can you put into place that could help prevent that from happening again?
Our journey isn’t over, I’m sure. But I love him more now than I ever have… and our marriage is, for the first time in 12 years, HONEST. I would rather struggle through the shit of porn with my husband than be blissfully unaware of the betrayal and lies. I would rather live a TRUE life with my husband, even if it’s really hard for a while.
Be honest. Keep trying. Seek help and education. Never give up. ❤️