Well, I did it. 90 days with no porn, masturbation, or orgasm, which included no sex with my wife during the time. I’ve been using porn for over 20 years, which is very much against my ideals, but I just never had sustained success in kicking the habit. I’ve been at least somewhat open admitting my problem to my wife, but she’s nevertheless been quite hurt by it. I’m in my late 30s, and finally took a good look at NoFap. I signed up for the Academy course three months ago.
Quitting sex gave me and my wife a good breather to reevaluate the patterns of our relationship. It also forced me to come to terms with many ways in which I’ve used PMO as an escape behavior for things I don’t want to deal with in life. I also had to learn how many ways I’d been emotionally immature in dealing with my wife, and let our sexual relationship really suffer as a result.
About 60 days into the process, Mark from the Reboot Camp recommended a book by Athol Kay explaining to men how female sexuality works. It really gave me a whole new perspective on me and my marriage. I learned that I can’t be bitter at my wife for our poor sex life; it was my responsibility to take leadership and ownership of this aspect of our marriage. And this, combined with the things I learned in Reboot camp, started a revolution for me.
Quitting porn and masturbation has changed my life, it seems. So many aspects of my personal life that were stagnant are moving now. Character issues that were at loggerheads have broken free. I’m becoming a good husband to my wife, and she’s starting to believe in me, and to fall in love again.
I’ll be starting a new journal soon. I’ll be focusing on staying clean after 90 days, reintegrating sex into my marriage, and growing in my relationship with my wife. We’re excited to be able to share our progress with other suffering couples. I’m so proud of myself for accomplishing what I never could my entire adult life, and so grateful to my wife for sticking by me even when I really treated her pretty badly and took advantage of her.
Here are some of the highlights from my journal:
Day 1: Introducing myself and my struggle.
Day 13: Seeing what the ideal version of myself would be.
Day 18: Noticing how I’m trying to escape my family life, even though it is good.
Day 21: Starting cold showers and embracing discomfort.
Day 26: Seeing my mood plummet, and relying on my wife to pull me out.
Day 48: Discovering how I’ve been crazy immature with my own emotions, and outsourcing managing them to my wife.
Day 65: Realizing that I’m the one responsible to improve my sex life and improve myself, and that it doesn’t depend on my wife.
Day 67: Analyzed my porn fantasies honestly, and discovered what I’m truly longing for in my own sexual experience.
Day 73: Beginning the process of becoming a new man in my house and dealing with my wife’s bitterness created by my years of shirking responsibilities.
Day 82: Going through the tough fights and conflicts with my wife as I improve, and getting to a better place relationally.
Day 87: Dealing with the reality of continued urges, and finding ways of getting at the root causes.
Day 89: Planning a special night away for our first sex in 90 days.
Day 91: Reflecting on that sexual experience, and plotting a course forward.
LINK – A Life and Marriage Reborn: Our 90 Day Hard-Mode Success!