Age 17 – I spent hours a day crying and looking for a cure to my depression. Now I’m confident, even cocky, and respected! Better social skills, More attention from females

Benefits are displayed in bold characters below if you want to skip the story.

S T O R Y: Monk mode.

I’m 17, a Muslim (no religious stuff will be included in this post), Middle Eastern, I discovered masturbation around year 12, but didn’t really become addicted until 13, when soon afterwards, I discovered pornography and became instantly addicted to it.

In my short 17 years that has passed, the worst, and THE WORST thing that made it through my life was PMO.

But before all that, I lived a calm life and my childhood was very normal, the first time I’ve ever masturbated was in my 12th year, I was taking a shower and I washed my body with shampoo, I touched my dong (?), And I liked the feeling, I kept touching myself until I orgasmed, I was very scared and confused about what happened, I almost slipped and fell because the shake and the whole orgasm thing that I experienced for the first time in my life, no semen got out because, well, I was a child, in any case I didn’t like that and it felt very unpleasant, and I was scared to ask my parents because I thought I damaged myself heavily, and it was very awkward, I also didn’t know that this quick rush of dopamine in my body was caused by me touching myself.

That was the only time I masturbated in my 12th year and I wanted to forget about the whole thing.

I was the brightest mind everywhere I go, I always showed an outstanding amount of skills in everything, art, computing stuff (for my age), sports, and I was the best in my school for 3 years in a row, but when? That was (year 13) before I became addicted to PMO.

I don’t really know how I slipped back into masturbation addiction although I hated it because it wasn’t the way it felt afterwards (after I became addicted to it).

Anyways I returned to masturbation again a few months before reaching my puberty, but wasn’t addicted yet (I never experienced wet dreams before Nofap), and y’know, with all those random things that occur to you when you go through puberty, bad mood and stress and annoyance in addition to school pressure etc. etc., This made me desire to masturbate even more, and boom, I got addiction.

I ruined my grades, I became an introvert, extremely anxious that I couldn’t look directly in the eyes of my mother (wow, the shame in my eyes I didn’t want anyone to see), people started telling me that I became lazier and less interested in everything, and I was just 13-14, at that point, I didn’t link depression to masturbation, and I didn’t link it to it religiously yet.

My teachers asked me if I needed help in anything or if I’m facing issues with my family, and I didn’t have any of those, I mean, I was 24/7 depressed, I didn’t even know why or what was going on, and this heavy depression forced me to count on other things to make me feel relieved, I got addicted to video games, snacks and junk foods, yet I wasn’t happy, and I increased the average number of my masturbation from 1-2 a day to 4-5, started feeling even worse, and my grades went downhill.

A teacher who knew very well that something was going on with me, talked to my privately and his first question was: “Do you masturbate?”, Of course I was like aw heck how does he know? And I replied with “No..?”, He asked me again, and I answered the same, and he asked me for the third time and I answered the same, I was very scared and worried if he could know if I was lying (obviously he knew), he asked me if I know what is masturbation, and I said: “Yes, I know”, he then wanted to know how I knew about it, of course I lied and said I knew about it from toxic people in my class but found it gross and didn’t want to do it.

The conversation went on for some time and he asked me one last question: “Have you ever masturbated?” I said no, yet his face showed that he didn’t believe me, because I was his favourite student and I suddenly fucked up, his experience made him know very well that the reason all this was happening to me because I was masturbating.

To this point in mid 14’s, I knew about porn and how to access it (Porn sites are banned in most of Middle East, but VPN was the solution), yet I didn’t want to visit porn sites because I felt it’s very wrong and it was culturally, religiously and morally bad, so I was only peeking at stuff like erotic music videos, stories and arousing pictures around the internet, and I found that masturbation to those stuff feels better.

At some point (remember I was masturbating 4-5 times a day), it wasn’t enough, I decided just out of curiosity, to visit a porn site, and I fell in this extremely deep hole.

Everything in my life became x10 worse, I would spend hours through day just crying and looking for a cure to my depression.

I didn’t realize that PMO was causing all this mental and physical pain to me, so I kept increasing its intensity to get more dopamine.

I remained like this until I reached my 16th year, where I decided to hit myself hard and completely quit pornography (yet, I did it for religious reasons and not because I thought it was harmful), I thought if I became a more religious person, my life would go and become easier and less depressing.

Yet I kept masturbating for 4-5 times a day because I thought it wasn’t bad to feel good, I mean I was getting pleasure without involving myself in relationships that are against my faith’s teachings.

Until I decided it for once to sit alone in my room, and I asked myself: “what is going on with my life? why am I that sad? why am I that ugly? why do I want to die although I have no reason to ask for death?” And many questions like this, I looked for things to help online, and I found out that one thing that can help with mood was try to organize my time, so I decided to fight myself and my addicted mentality and stopped masturbation for around 1-2.5 months, but I kept fantasies and imaginations.

Things finally started to turn better for once, I had some motivation to study and improve, I started playing video games less, and started to eat a little bit better, and I had my first wet dream ever, and it was amazing, better than the feeling of 5 times masturbating in a single day, I felt very happy when I woke up, and I instantly knew that the reason why I was so depressed is masturbation, yet a few days after that, and due to chaser effect, I fell again and it was difficult to stop in spite of all those broken promises that I would never return.

At least I had many streaks stretching from 4 to 20 days without pmo.

Overall, things were going very well and social interactions though not very good, weren’t very bad either.

But because of fantasies (lol remember them? Those bad stuff forced me back), I returned to erotic YouTube videos and to similar things, and after my last orgasm caused by masturbation (I was at a +25 days streak), I fapped and instantly, I was overwhelmed by emotion, I broke down and started crying loudly, I became suicidal and I wanted to end my pain, it went on for hours, after I calmed myself, I gave a life covenant that I will never masturbate or watch porn again, because at that point, I was 100% sure that everything I was feeling was because of PMO.

I tried to look for ways to quit porn and I came across this sub, read some stories and decided to go on with the challenge, that decision I took was 90 days ago, thank you NoFap, you’re the best thing that I have ever seen.

Overall, I masturbated and watched porn countless times, was heavily depressed for most of my years back then, 4 years but were extremely terrible.

I would’ve became a shining gem in high school if I never came across PMO. At least I restored some of my known picture of being an excellent student, now I’m well known, loved by everyone, turned into an extrovert, stopped eating unhealthy foods, stopped video games, started going to gym, and the list is long.

Let’s take out religious stuff for a moment here, will I ever return to PMO? NEVER NEVER NEVER AND NOT EVEN AFTER 90 YEARS.

Now, life is beautiful.., and I asked my siblings who used to call me lazy introvert ugly fat living being: “Am I handsome?” They all replied with yes, they were always honest about me so I will take it, people who see me weekly or monthly didn’t notice a lot of changes because you know, my self-improvement (I had mini streaks of abstinence so it) went on slowly.

Now for what has changed in me, mentally and physically, I would say directly by Nofap.

So please hear me out, I’ve read a lot about semen retention and nofap and tried to study them, while I agree that a lot of things seem unrealistic for the first thought, they are very real and true, and people are different, you may take longer time to experience such change.

and if you’re too needy to receive benefits then you’re likely to get disappointed.

And it’s impossible for anyone who experienced such benefits to say they are a placebo, and generally, it’s not convincing to say that while thousands of people from different places and cultures report benefits, and they don’t get paid or rewarded or anything for saying that, they are just being honest.

you’re likely to say they are placebo because you didn’t experience them.

BENEFITS OF NOFAP/SEMEN RETENTION: They are just you at your max state.

No more depression: obviously.

Motivation: and I experienced it when I started to limit PMO before knowing nofap.

Confidence and eye contact: this is my favourite, my eye contact was the worst, I couldn’t look at the eyes of the closest people in my life, mom and dad, it was harsh to live this long without looking at their beautiful eyes, I always tried to avoid eye contact, because I hated myself, and felt that everyone would be doing the same to me, now I’m super confident, I salute people and strangers here and there wherever I go.

Mega self-esteem: I may be cocky, but now, I see myself better than a lot of people I see, mentally and physically, and I see myself above all people in my age since most teenagers are stuck at the PMO habit, they are depressed. I’m not, they hate themselves, I don’t, and etc., I look at the mirror and smile and I say how good I look, the opposite of how I was on pmo, fat unmasculine ugly face.

Shining eyes: now this is real, my eyes are much brighter than before, and I can see light reflection through them, the color is stronger and they look so clear.

better skin: Brighter shade, no more oily face, no more acne.

More energy: I can’t say a lot because it’s self-explanatory, but now I’m finding it easier to do actions that take power to achieve with a little exhaustion, sometimes I don’t even get tired.

Respect from everyone: since I became more social and blah blah, I realized that men that are older than me show me a lot of respect, like I’m their age, many of them compliment how good is my behaviour and how much respect I show and I get.

Better social skills: not a lot can be said about it.

Female attraction: now that’s the most outstanding thing I’ve ever experienced, and by far the most confusing, because it’s like a dream, I never got experienced it before Nofap, and it’s an unstable phenomena, and it’s much more than some built up confidence, because sometimes I get a lot of attraction from females, sometimes I feel invisible to them, but it’s not really that important, but it’s still cool, I can confirm it’s 10000% real, because as you’ve known, I live in Middle East, where people are mostly conservative and religious, and even if a man is attracted to a woman (or the opposite), he won’t show that, he would look away if he sees a beautiful woman [in most cases at least] (and the opposite), so where do I confirm my female attraction?

In a lot of cases, women would stare at me for too long (to an uncomfortable degree), and once, (remember I’m in a very conservative region) 2 girls started following me and they were giggling behind me, in front of other men and women where it was super awkward so I pretended I didn’t see those girls and I walked away fast. You never experience such an event in a religious conservative place, even if you were attractive, you wouldn’t be looked at this way, I mean they would notice you but they are too shy to show interest, but in NoFap, my case was extreme, women would shamelessly look at me until I disappear behind horizon (epic quote lol), and I see myself between 5-7/10, and there’s a lot more stories about female attraction (WHERE NONE OF THAT HAPPENED BEFORE NOFAP) and you say confidence? My confidence increases every moment and every day, and yet, attraction disappears sometimes.

Other benefits that there’s no place to describe them:

This post became long enough.

In the end, all I want to say, this transformation would’ve never been true without nofap.


You’ve noticed it, probably.

It’s not giving up, I had many mini streaks during the years 16-17, it kept getting easier every day and every new streak, so my advice is to keep it up, no matter what you face, do not stop, progress is progress no matter what.

I don’t care about things like prostate cancer and else, I’m never relapsing again, I get wet dreams every once in a while, and that’s enough ejaculation per month for me, and I don’t believe that it’s unhealthy to go for long without ejaculation, religious people could’ve died a long time ago.

Cancer is caused by many factors and the main reason is yet unknown to medicine.

Fasten your seat belt and take on the journey.



LINK – 90 Days: Story, Benefits and a message for people who keep relapsing.

by nopalean