I want to give you all to gaze into the time frame of 2014. The year when I realized that what i was doing i.e MO was morally bad. But I also think i actually started masturbating in 2014, well that doesn’t matter now. I was in a bad friend circle. Masturbating was made a mark of manliness and porn was viewed even more Alpha. I used to search ‘naked women’ on YouTube but of course the nudity was blurred. It wasn’t until late spring in 2014 that one of those friends gave me the URL of a porn site. I was hooked, I had them all downloaded but I really didn’t know what was going on, all I cared about was that I was enjoying it. I had no guilt. I used to masturbate on my crush, the hot girls in class. I had social awkwardness hanging above me like a fruit of bad labor. But the problems weren’t up yet…
As 2015 went on I was feeling the downsides of MO very frequently. I had white patched on my face, back problems (I was just 15yo) weak bones and injury prone. I used to be in a soccer club as a goalkeeper (requires a strong body to endure falls) but I failed. I dropped out of it, lost interest in it. The same year we got high-speed Wi-Fi and here’s the bummer: Porn was highly accessible now. I asked for the porn site again and went into the abyss. I used to blow over 20GB of data in a day on porn, i had it on my PC, i created weird fetishes and obsession over genres in porn. And i had my major exams that year. I was so destroyed by porn and masturbation that i couldn’t even walk properly. At the time I thought it was just that i was weak by some other reason. I had no charisma or confidence. I used to look down when talking to girls and was wildly awkward. But i did realize then that i had to stop MO (just because it felt morally wrong). I saw porn actors having soft and hanging penis and i thought something was wrong with mine as i had straight and hard. But I was a fool (now i know they all have some level of ED). I tried very hard to stop MO, but couldn’t, i thought maybe in the preparations of exams i’ll be too busy to MO, but my mind always found ways and excuses to masturbate at least and to watch whenever it was accessible.
In 2016 i got my first smartphone and porn was my drug a load it was consumed and pulled into my mind on hourly basis. But one day on YouTube i found a video titled “Disadvantages of masturbation.” I watched the video.
I realized that all the physical and mental problems were from masturbation. I was shocked, it was then that i finally dedicated to stop this malpractice. I was horrified. i instantly stopped fapping for a week but then my brain said this, “Dude! Just this one time after that you’ll never fap ever again. I promise. Just one last time.” And you know what this was the greatest deceiver of all time for me. There is no “last time” for any addiction. This is the reason why smokers, alcoholics, drug addicts can’t stop. This is the greatest self-destructive argument a brain pulls off smoothly. I was now guilty, i had back problems, social anxiety, weak muscles and a broken self-esteem. I was a mess.
2017 I made a new year resolution that I will never ever masturbate or watch porn. But the same year i used to watch porn an hour a day like a damn brunch time. I was ashamed of myself. But i couldn’t stop, i thought now this was gonna stick with me for a life time. I started experiencing premature ejaculation and PIED. I was scared as hell, but that 2 seconds of climax was overpowering me. I was now disgusted to even look at myself in the mirror. I failed in a subject for the first time and Porn was my drug to ease the pain, though i knew it was a devil’s idea. But in 2017 i did for the first time reach a 20 day mark. But as i edged over and over thinking that i won’t ejaculate i did blow up. The “cheat-code” was stupid. The same year I found NoFap. The community was great. I was inspired to write a 30 day post of my own but i always fell short.
2018. “This time I’ll will. This year will be the best!” I said to myself. But it didn’t it was the same. I was so over the regular porn that now i was watching cross species porn. I was ashamed but it aroused me and i loved it. I tried many methods to stop PMO. Like walking, gym, no social media, porn blocker and many more. But none of them worked. But after years of trying i did come to know that the greats like Tesla, Jobs, Muhammad Ali, Mike Tyson and many others practiced the art of semen retention. I decided and tried to “Leave PMO” forever. But of course it didn’t work.
I fell that the major mistake people do in NOFap id they are focused on the streak and days not the reason. Are you really doing it so you could post or show off or fell better? First you need to make clear why you are doing it. IT’S VERY IMPORTANT. The reason I know I’ll never go back to Porn or Masturbation is simple because that was my ‘old’ life and now am on a ‘new’ one.
Now after as of now you know my Fapping journey. So the “thing” that helped me in being a non-PMO guy is so simple. Be busy. Yeah, but not only busy, you’ll get bored. Change your lifestyle. Once you do this. Your lifestyle will impact your mind and so you’ll be wired to focus on other things than PMO. It’s JUST SO SIMPLE. Give it a try.
Thank you for reading! And good luck!
P.S = The benefits I received:
1. I’m strong and fell powerful.
2. My posture is manly (I take up more space)
3. I have a diamond-like self-esteem.
4. I now RESPECT myself and demand respect from others.
5. I have become kind and charismatic.
6. Girls are attracted to me like crazy.
7. I feel like I can conquer the world.
8. I have more energy.
9. I learn fast and have a better memory.
10. I talk and walk like a leader.
and tons that i don’t recall right now…