Age 19 – A glimpse of recovery and then…

My best streak was 61 days, I’m on day 4 and that’s my first post in here, so I’m verry sorry if I’m doing something wrong, my mother language is not English (I taught English to myself) so if I misspell something or some phrases don’t make any sense keep that in mind.

I was looking thru my window 5 minutes ago, and I saw some guys and girls talking loudly and having a bunch of fun, I felt angry first as they were making a ton of noise at 3am, but deep down, deep down I felt like all I wanted was to make part of that group.

Their ages is between 14 to 16 years old, well, I feel so bad becuz I never had friends to go out with at that age, my bubble of friends consists of gamers like me.

I’m 19 years old, 6.ft tall (1.84 meters) and here where I live the average is 1.72 meters, and I’m not bad looking at all.

Well, I just feel like I’m wasting my life and it makes me very sad, playing games is so dumb, everything I’m achieving online is for nothing, cuz one day the game will close down and all the things I conquered will be gone, but worse than that, my time will also be gone.

I once achieved 60 days, it was in December, in that period I SOMEHOW got a girlfriend(who I lost 1 week later) and I had sex for the first time.

Well, most of the guys in here are virgins, and to be honest, sex is not even that great, there is nothing wrong with being a virgin.

60 days was so smooth and good, I was much happier and was feeling normal for the first time in 10 years.

I started PMO at the age of 9, so PMO is hard wired on my brain for 10 years.

After the 60 days I achieved 40 more days, but now I finished school, graduated, basically 100% finished school, and I never left my home after 2020, every single day of 2021 I’m spending at home, technically 5 months already.

I really don’t know how to leave this situation and get a grip in life, I’m posting this in hope to get help, cuz a bunch of brains thinks better that just one.

A lifetime of shame, 60 days of glory, that is how I describe my life.

I know a lot about psychology, evolution, NLP, and that just makes me even worse at talking to people.

Do you guys have any challenges? I’m willing to do anything to leave rock bottom.

LINK – 60 days of glory, a lifetime of shame

by  StuckInTheMatrix