Hi, so I used to go on sports illustrated swimsuit a lot and masturbate to pictures and videos of the models. I had huge crushes on some of the models and wished I could be with them but I knew it was never going to happen.
After I quit Porn, I stopped looking at pictures of the models altogether in order to stop masturbating. Recently in my journey, I have felt extremely high sexual attraction to my girlfriend and have told her. She feels the same way, but as of now, we are waiting until marriage to have sex. (Saving it for when it will be most special).
I have had enormous baggage because of my Christian faith that sexual desire for real people is wrong or sinful and have lived with this lie that I need to suppress my desires. This suppression just led to a PMO addiction where instead of being attracted and pursuing real girls, I lusted after and pursued models and porn stars.
Now I am working hard to realize that sexual desire for real humans is so good and so important for sexual health. I am still a Christian, but I realize that my faith supports the view that sexual desire is so healthy (see Song of Solomon – “May her breasts satisfy you always.”) I believe sexual desire is a natural, God-given thing and I am glad that I am working on the process of ending the shame in my life that I have.
Today I was curious and looked on the sports illustrated swimsuit page. I looked at the models and realized I didn’t want to be with any of them. They didn’t turn me on or make me fantasize like I used to do. I just saw a bunch of strangers. At that moment, I realized that I really only wanted to be with my girlfriend. She is so sexy and I wanted to see her in a bikini and make love to her, not these strangers. I was so happy that my sexual attraction for someone I actually knew was stronger than my desire for pixels and fantasies about strangers.
Hope this post gives inspiration and encouragement to keep going and let me know if you have any comments, questions, or suggestions.