First of all I just want to say how fucking incredible this website is, and how much it has helped me in the last 3 years. Though I was never the kind to sign up and track my progress, the success page has always kept my hopes up through this whole journey, and without discovering this and YBOP I would still be in the same place for god knows how long.
A bit about myself – I am a 19 year old guy living in Cornwall, England. Generally very fit and active, and by no means what I would consider ugly guy, who has spent his entire upbringing incapable of sex or the ability to love anyone or anything. I probably discovered porn at around 12/13, and for the last 7 years I have been on a disgusting, sickening journey through the every alley and pathway porn sites have to offer. Although I was blissfully unaware, this instant means of satisfaction was slowly numbing me and my emotions, where even the little things I enjoyed as a child were simply chores I had to carry out each day in order to feel relevant to society. Socialising, nature, family, sports, you fucking name it. Only once you are past this stage do you really realise how much you are just drifting through life without any true feelings of accomplishment, or love. I won’t get into the details of what i watched, or how much I watched it, but I can safely say that my situation was as bad as the worst I’ve read on this website. Any attempt at sex throughout these past 3 years has been a miserable, embarrassing forced attempt at trying to sustain an erection with little to no satisfaction in the very rare cases it worked. The worst thing about it all is that I thought this was totally normal, and that as soon as I got home it didn’t matter, because I could turn on my computer and let it suck my soul and make me feel good again. I didn’t love anyone. Family, friends, girls, they were all just people who I talked to with no meaning. It was 3 years ago I stumbled upon this website.
I am writing this now 6 months after last watching any kind of porn.
When you first set out on this journey, it’s hard to imagine how difficult it’s actually going to be. It’s not just a case of feeling shocked, feeling shit then never watching porn again, it’s a constant struggle of your mind and body as your brain is starved of this amazing incredible thing that is the ultimate instant satisfaction right at your fingertips. I kept a journal of my streaks, the highest in the 3 years being 40 days, and I felt absolutely inhuman by that time. I was unbelievably attached to girls, I was (without effort) working out every day, learning to cook, doing well in college and not smoking weed. But what I know now is that it’s not a case of just going 40 days and expecting everything to be grand, not even a little bit. It needs to be a lifestyle, you cannot even consider that porn should even remotely be a part of your life. Cast away any thoughts such as ‘if I just watch it now, in 2 weeks I’ll feel back to the way I do now’ (one that repeatedly set my back). Something awful happened at the end of those 40 days, and my mind instantly leaped to porn as a way of dealing with the situation, which was when I knew I wasn’t cured. Something I’ve learned is that if you turn to porn as a means of escaping every life situation, you can never grow as a person and deal with real life situations in a way a normal person would. This is why the times where the urges to watch porn are at their strongest, is the best time to heal and recover.
I’m getting off track – what 6 months has done for me.
The first 3 months of my porn free life was spent traveling Asia (typical gap year student I know). For most of that time I had no internet, and so was forced to deal with the withdrawals and the real life situations life would throw at me. I was thrown in at the deep end, but I can honestly say that without those 3 months traveling I would not be cured. It forced me to feel passionately about things, to think for myself, to constantly be connecting with people, and to miss my family like no fucking tomorrow. I had my biggest highs during that trip, but also the biggest lows. I cried for the first time in years within the 2nd month. Not just a little tear, I mean a full faced sob in my hostel room, bawling my eyes out in the middle of nowhere but feeling so amazing at the same time. I can only describe it as feeling human. This happened several times on the trip, each one making me stronger and happy that I could feel things once again, it was like being reborn. After I got home I had a down period, the shock of being in England wore off and I was back in my room where I used to jack off my days in isolation, except this time I felt no need to do such a thing.
Within a few weeks I met a girl. The most amazing, funny, kind and beautiful women I’ve ever met. We’ve been together for 2 months now; I am absolutely so much in love it makes me weird to talk about it all. Any trace of porn induced ED has gone, I can sustain strong erections for hours, and I am legitimately attracted to her; unlike before where I knew what a hot girl looked like, but couldn’t feel it. I would love to say that I am fully cured, but the truth is if you adopt that mindset you can never be sure you won’t go back. I am still on this journey, and am passionate about helping others on the way. After all, this website is the reason I’m writing this post.
I’ve left a lot out in this (far too long) post, but I think it covers most of the important bits. Never give up hope, I mean seriously, never give up hope. Time is the biggest healer, and the posts on this website should make it clear that nofap does work.
Please feel free to ask anything, I love you all.
Anonymous x
LINK – Total recovery from severe addiction+pied
by Nainif27
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