This is a long post, but I feel like there’s a lot of you out there that can use this. Even if only one person reads it and gets some form of comfort, my deed is done.
I am almost 20 years old, and discovered over 40 days ago that I most likely had PIED when I attempted to masturbate without porn and couldn’t even get hard. Attempted to have sex with my SO and couldn’t even get it up, her handjob and blowjob wasn’t working for me either.
It’s been 39 days now since I’ve jerked it to porn, and I abstained from total MO for about 28 days. The results? Huge.
I can actually get hard without the use of porn now. I can let my partner make me feel good and I stayed mostly hard the whole time (was not sex, she had family home). I do get random erections but not really morning woods, but honestly, if you just get horny and have the ability to get it up (and stay up), the random erections shouldn’t be worried about that much. You’re not gonna be as horny as you were when you were 14, let’s face it.
What worked for me?
STEP 1: total abstinence from PMO, no more P from here on out.
STEP 2: wait till you see your penis increasing in size when you’re out of the flat line (this does happen, flatline barely allows any blood flow down there). This part took me around 30 days. If you can, TRY seeing if you can get hard through just feeling, NO PORNOGRAPHIC THOUGHTS, NOT EVEN ABOUT YOUR PARTNER. Just the physical feeling. I realize this is hard to do, but it worked and continues to work wonders for me.
STEP 3: try doing things with a partner, whether it be sex or other stuff. If you can’t get it up, that’s okay. Be open and honest as much as you can with your partner about it. If you got to step 2, you’ve made so much progress, no need to worry. If you can do this step however, congrats. Although you may still have PIED to a certain extent, you’ve helped it so much at this point and just gotta keep going.
IMPORTANT NOTES THAT I DISCOVERED (some may disagree, that’s okay. Different opinions, and I could be wrong, this just worked for me):
-Masturbating does not cause ED, porn does. Hence the title, “porn-induced erectile dysfunction”.
-masturbating to feeling helps the rewiring process significantly (for those yet without significant others). Ensure though that you have a clear mind while masturbating and not thinking of anything even remotely pornographic.
-masturbating to your significant other (AND ONLY HIM/HER/OTHER PRONOUN) helps the rewiring process. Again, make sure you don’t think of your partner in relation to porn, or anything to do with porn.
-doing anything with your SO helps the rewiring process. Make sure to see them a lot and attempt to do things even if you still can’t get hard, it really fucking helps.
-stay the fuck. Away. From. Porn. Don’t do it man, it actually fucking sucks. I’ve been watching porn since I was 13, ruined a few good relationships because of it I realize now (and the fact I had phimosis…)
I’m at a point now where I scroll Instagram and if I come across a picture of let’s say, a nice butt or feet (have a foot fetish), I can look at it and appreciate it, but it doesn’t give me an erection, urge to masturbate, or dopamine release (feet kinda but that’s cuz it’s a natural fetish I’ve had for as long as I can remember). I love this point I’m at, I can appreciate woman in their physical form again.
Keep going lads (and others on this journey), it pays off. Some sooner than others. Instead of saying “I continue to suffer”, I say that “I’m continuing to reap the benefits”. Fucking cheers boys.
TLDR: if you’re young like me and suffer from PIED, read the whole thing man. I assure you it’ll help. I’m not entirely sure if this is applicable to other ages, but I think my steps can be generally applied.
So I left this subreddit a month back when I found myself to be ‘cured’ (can have sex and have no desire to watch porn, but the battle forever continues, hence the ‘___’). Couldn’t have done it without the subreddits dedicated to fixing these issues however, so I am forever grateful for this community. Keep fighting the good fight!
Coming back to here however, I’m noticing a common theme here.
So many people here are anxious that they have low libido and ‘can’t get erections’ and what not and asking when they will recover.
Well, guess what? Of course you’re gonna have a low libido when you’re striving every day and every hour to keep yourself away from any sexual satisfaction. You look for boners, yet loathe them when you get them anywhere, other than in perhaps a situation where you’re gonna have sex .
Of course you’re not gonna get erections if you’re keeping yourself from any exposure to things that might sexually turn you on.
If you’re with a partner and still lose that erection when the clothes come off, there’s three possible options:
- You still have PIED and need to continue the journey of re-configuring yourself to be attracted to real people (which you’re doing by being in that real situation, so kudos to you! Keep doing it!)
- You have a mental blockage (Performance anxiety, regular anxiety, too tired, depression, etc) (this is WAY more common among people who think they have PIED, trust. I’ve experienced it).
- (RARE) You’re not really that attracted to your partner. This happened to me too in the past, hard to accept, but yeah.
Apart from the occasional morning-wood erection, I do not get these ‘random’ erections that people seem to constantly judge themselves by. I do not have this surging libido that people seem to assume is within us constantly.
When I’m by myself, my dick feels like a limp noodle essentially.
When I’m with my partner however, I do get naturally horny. I get these erections, I get this libido. I can have sex, and can make myself and my partner satisfied (I think).
My advice? It is impossible to measure yourself in this area BY YOURSELF. You get erections and a libido by hunting for other people, by being turned on by other people, by loving other people and being with those people.
Find that partner. Even if you lack your libido, you must force yourself. Just like you’ve forced yourself to get off porn. Sex does not only include shit with your penis. Girls (and guys 😉 ) LOVE it when their partner goes down on them. Fucking LOVE it. Use this time to learn the ways of pleasuring your partner without your penis. Eventually you’ll find yourself with such a raging boner in the middle of these acts that you’ll HAVE to have sex, and thats where it gets so much easier. Realizing you can have sex. Boom.
Remember: We are human beings, not fucking sex machines like porn would have you believe.
WE’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE SEX ALL THE TIME AND BE TURNED ON ALL THE TIME. BIOLOGICALLY, ITS ONLY WHEN WE WANT TO HAVE KIDS (of course this has changed with the RECENT [last 200 years since Victorian Era or so] introduction of ‘casual sex’).
Don’t judge yourself by your own satisfaction, judge yourself by others satisfaction caused by you.
Be kind to yourself.