I’ve just completed 90 days of no porn, no masturbation and no orgasm, except from with my girlfriend. I hope my story will provide motivation for everyone out there who is struggling with addiction and porn related problems. I’d like to emphasize the fact that the changes I’ve noticed have been subtle. I haven’t experienced the super powers that many people claim to experience. Despite this, my life has improved dramatically. I believe everyone should do nofap and as long as you have the motivation and a driving cause or causes you will manage it. It has led me to greater clarity in my life and I’m grateful for this and proud of myself for getting this far. I will also explain how this is all a work in progress. Hope you enjoy it brothers! I will now start at the beginning of my story…
Part 1 – My life, the pain of PMO and my main motivators
I’ve had a good life overall, with loving parents and great opportunities. I only recently turned 21. Despite my situation I haven’t been content or really happy for a number of years. 3 years ago I lost contact with my best friend and my only real friend in the world. He just decided to move away from me and we were no longer friends. This was incredibly painful and it almost broke me. I didn’t take responsibility for my feelings and tried to avoid them and used PMO to escape my loneliness. In real life I beat myself up and didn’t love myself despite the fact that I was achieving good grades and was succeeding in sports and had a great future ahead of me. Around this time, I also didn’t have any contact with girls. I binged on porn, lost my self worth and my self esteem declined. I became anxious around people and used porn to escape, and avoid taking responsibility.
Over time I turned to weirder genres of porn. It was watching sissy porn that really messed me up and made me even more anxious and lowered my self esteem lower. It was in December 2018 that I had a mini breakdown. I had a girlfriend at the time who I loved yet my porn habits made me confused about my sexuality and I hadn’t been able to orgasm with her. At this time I was extremely low and obsessed about my sexuality whilst watching porn that further confused me and messed me up. I had suicidal thoughts around the time and I just wanted to stop thinking.
It was after this experience that I decided enough was enough and that I’d quit PMO for 90 days.
I think the three main catalysts were:
- I couldn’t orgasm with my girlfriend and couldn’t stay hard
- I was confused and obsessed over my sexuality, which left my feeling low. This is probably the strongest motivator. Whenever I was tempted I thought back to how down I felt in the few weeks over Christmas and decided it wasn’t worth it.
- I also had an experience where my girlfriend saw pictures on my phone of other women. She was really upset. I didn’t want to make here feel like this over something so meaningless. I also thought about how I’d feel if she were doing the same with other men. This probably is what caused me to stop there and then.
Part 2 – The struggles and making it to 90 days
I quit immediately and didn’t relapse over my 90 days. However it was never plain sailing. The urges came and came to start with. Thoughts of lust filled my head. I had sexual dreams and around 3 wet dreams over the 3 months, particularly in the first month. I doubted myself a lot but always remembered why I was doing it and thought back to how I felt before. I was more restless than usual at first however I exercised to deal with this. Eventually this settled down after a few months. I also think my compulsion to masturbate vanished over time.
The biggest issue I had was having to deal with my moods, which is something I’d never had to do previously. There were times when I was so low and felt hopeless about life and my situation. Yet this taught me an amazing lesson, which I will discuss in the success section. I definitely had struggles but I stayed mindful to what I was thinking and always reminded myself why I was doing it. This is what kept me going.
Conclusion – Success and what I have learnt
A lot of people talk about superpowers and a huge change in how they feel. But I think this is most relevant for those who have made massive changes to their lifestyle. I have always lived a healthy lifestyle yet the subtle changes in my life, rather than gaining any superpowers, have been huge.
The key thing is the clarity of thought and being aware of my problems. I have noticed my problems, mainly in my thinking patterns. These have always existed yet I used PMO to avoid and escape them. Nofap has opened my eyes to the issues in my life and knowing my problems has taught me a great deal.
The biggest thing I have learnt is that we are responsible for our own happiness and for our own problems. We need others in our life yet happiness comes from within us. If I’d continued on my previous path I would have avoided my issues and kept looking for external happiness, which would only have brought me pain and sadness. It’s only in the last week that I have come to this realisation. Yet it’s what has given me a completely different outlook on life. It’s realisations like this that make nofap worthwhile, even if you do not gain any of the ‘superpowers’ that people talk about. I think it’s important to share subtler stories of transformation to give people hope and show them that’s completely worth it, no matter how small the change. It has taken almost 90 days for me to develop this positive outlook, yet it is worth it.
I also realised how mean to myself I was. I was critical and hated myself and my life. I am in the process of learning how to love myself, using online resources as help and I’ve already noticed a change in my positivity and confidence for my future, as well as reduced anxiety. There’s no need for me to compare myself or worry about material evils. I hope to now practice meditation in order to find more peace within myself.
By no means am I the finished article. I still suffer from anxiety, although I have become more in control. I still have insecurities which I’m dealing with due to my porn addiction, such as worrying about cheating. I still objectify women from my years of porn use but I’ve just started trying to change this. Yet I have learnt that life is like this. There is suffering in life. Always. And we are imperfect. But we can choose to ignore it and let it fester or accept it and learn from it and help us grow.
This is why everyone should take up nofap. There is no reason not to do. As well as some of these revelations I have also managed to now orgasm with my girlfriend which I was never able. It’s one of the best things I’ve chosen to do and I will continue on this amazing journey that is life.
I’m going to university in a few years and hope to do some charity work to help make a difference in others life.
I hope my story can help at least one other person. Stay strong brothers!
by Mateus long