Hey guys I can finally say I have successfully done 30 days of nofap complete. No masturbating, no fantasising, no ejaculating, no orgasm, limited internet use/phone use except for communication.
How bad was my addiction?
- Started masturbating multiple times a day since the age of 14. Escalated to almost every single fetish/type of pornography.
- Tried quitting for 3 years
- Longest steak 54 days ( included glimpses and masturbating )
- Was stuck trying to get rid of a porn induced fetish for transexuals/penises for 5-6 years.
- Relapsed with a transexual prostitute.
- Used to let my dog lick me off once when I was young.
- Tried every single form of masturbation/way to get a hit
- Would constantly relapse trying to perform self oral and would be basically stiff neck and stiff back for weeks.
What did I do to try to get out of it?
- Researching, buying books, forums, accountability partner, support groups, sponsors, eliminating all paraphernalia, changing all cues in house, changing house, removing technology, blocking porn from my internet.
What were the withdrawal symptoms?
- First week: Intense cravings/flashbacks. Intense sensitization, objectification of women, compulsion to use very high. Anxiety high.
- 2-3 weeks: Intense anxiety and despair. Super negative thoughts, limiting beliefs, extreme self hatred. Fears exacerbated. Suicidal thoughts. Basically every negative feeling under the sun; shame, guilt, depression, anxiety. Just remembered they were withdrawals and that eventually they would pass.
- 3 -4 weeks: Anxiety and depression severely decreased. Had sexual dreams which made me completely exhausted three days in a row. Massive headaches. Severe cravings. Memory improving. Confidence slowly rising. Clearing in mental space and cognitive function becoming more clearer. Understanding deeper nuances. Depression nearly gone. Symptoms improving each day.
I never thought I would accomplish so much this year but I have. Relapsing with a transexual sex worker after so many years of trying to remove shameful fetishes I finally surrendered to my addiction and sought help. It was the best thing I had ever done.
Every day I reach out to others and connect to them. Really, with addiction, transformation is possible but you must be willing to accept an entirely different paradigm than the one your in with the addiction.
Now my cognitive function is so good, fluid and working well. I wonder if this is how it feels to be normal or if its a mixture of: semen retention, dopamine restoration, increased testosterone and sexual de-conditioning. However I am learning more about myself than ever before, accepting my self for my biggest flaws and changing the way I think about life completely.
Women are no longer seen a materialistic thing. I am able to engage with others, give more and have longer conversations which feels good. Neediness is decreased, people are respecting me more.
I can’t say it enough but I honestly feel great. Definitely the lessons you learn from NoFap set you apart from the crowd. I can’t imagine how many people are caught in the trap of their addictions. Still, I am very cautious and always on high alert when cravings/withdrawals are going to come around the corner. Especially when things are going well and making sure to go to my support group and connect with another whenever anything happens that I may or may not find triggering e.g
LINK – 30 DAYS WOOO
UPDATE – 60 Days WOOO
Damn y’all 60 days and I can say wow. Life is getting better.
If you want to see where I came from/how bad my addiction was read: 30 DAYS WOOO as I dot point it there. I am just going to briefly outline the benefits:
- Higher self esteem
- Less sexual objectification
- Emotions opened up ( actually started feeling for the first time in maybe 6 years)
- Confidence increased
- Increased productivity/never feel completely wasted tired / have to push myself to go to the gym. It’s just a matter of whether there’s time.
- Decreased social anxiety – can actually bond with others a lot better, joke around etc.
- Way less neediness
- Inner calmness and smoothness in social interactions
However withdrawals experienced and still experience
- super intense depression, anxiety, irritability, mood swings.
- Suicidal thoughts – at some peak stages
- Feelings of intense isolation
- Facial/ muscle tension
- sexual frustration
And many more. There’s no bother in me trying to convince you that it’s good for you. Just do it, my life is getting better the more and more I recover.
Have been doing a 12 step program, exercising, using weekly float tanks, being productive etc.
Still get anxiety, low self esteem, and withdrawals. But these are all slowly and gradually getting better despite fluctuations at times. This recovery has felt like a rite of passage, I have cried my eyes out, admitted the most shameful things I have done to people and made an effort to recover.
Get in touch, stay connected, support groups are good and keep on the journey guys. PM me if you have any questions.
Here’s what I have done to get 90 days up: ( I have spent 3 years trying to get clean from my pornography/sex addiction).
– Joined a 12 step program 6 months ago
– Attend meetings everyday if I can
– Outreach call to others
– Work the program
– Have been to a rehab for 6 weeks
– Weekly group therapy
– See a sex addiction therapist each week who specialises in this field
– Meditate everyday
– Lie down in a sensory deprivation tank once a week
– Daily saunas
– Exercise 3 times a week
– Try to eat as healthy as I can; sticking to whole foods and removing gluten and dairy.
– Avoid television and youtube and don’t use my laptop/phone at home.
– Have a dumb phone.
– Bought books, researched, watched videos on porn addiction and how it works. I have also applied the techniques in the book too.
Now, this has been a gradual thing but this is what what my lifestyle looks like. Does this mean that my problems have been solved? Fuck no.
But I will let you know what I went through:
– Severe cravings
– Extreme anxiety and social anxiety
– Aggravated agoraphobia
– Emotional numbness
– No pleasure for anything
– Tenseness in my body and cramps
– Severe depression, no libido at times
– Extremely low energy and lethargy
And so much more that I cannot remember. What caught me by surprise was that I had been a compulsive addict for so long that when I abstained from everything, having my emotions – raw emotions – arise took me completely by surprise. First of all at the time I did not have emotions and had not experienced them in a decade. So when they appeared I did not know how to regulate them, what to do etc.
But over time through hell and high waters I became to understand simple lessons. Like meditating when I am feeling really anxious – take some time aside and take deep breathes. If I am feeling angry I will wait before I take action on it. I will give some time for the anger to subside before I rush in and do something that comes out sideways.
– Self esteem
– Self confidence
– Control over mind
– Agoraphobia went away largely
– More pleasure out of life
– Better communication
I will say though. 90 days feels very short. I still like I am going through heavy withdrawals and my mood/feelings are fluctuating. “Flatlines” are intense and I haven’t really felt full of energy in a while.. Female attraction has definitely improved but I have to go out and meet them. It’s really hard to say what’s going on but I can say this definitely. I do not feel like I am recovered.
PS: This is hardmode- No masterbation, ejaculation, porn.
I did start dating this girl when I got out of rehab but I stopped it because she was a mess and we had sex. Anyway, have a good day.