I haven’t posted a new thread in a while but I suppose theres no better time than now, with me reaching six months without PMO in the last couple of days. I’ll preface this thread by linking to these last two, you dont really need to read them to understand what I say but there might be things I forget to mention here that I already mentioned in one of those. Take a look if you want.
Anyway, I think its fair to say that the routine of NoFap has become properly ingrained in my mind, because the last few months have been noticeably easier than the first few. I still get strong urges from time to time, I still feel like I want to PMO, but its easier than ever to just not do it. Same with the urge to “peek” at porn or other materials, I wont lie, there have been times when I was close to doing it, but I never actually did, so that’s a positive. I guess what I am trying to say is that the miraculous day where you wake up and the urges are gone and you are “cured” may never come, but that isn’t a reason to give up. After all, if you managed to spend all that time and effort on PMO, surely you are able to do the opposite? This quote from House of Cards, which I am almost certain has been posted before at some point, sums it up better than I ever could:
“ I’m Doug and I’m an alcoholic. One of the things I do for a living is count. I count votes. Yays, nays, neutrals, abstaining. And I’m good at it. But the most important count I do has nothing to do with work. It’s the number of days since April 4th, 1999. As of this morning that’s 5,185. The bigger that number gets, the more it frightens me because I know all it takes is one drink for that number to go back to zero. Most people see fear as a weakness. It can be. Sometimes for my job I have to put fear in other people. I know that’s not right. But if I’m honest, like the fourth step asks us to be, I have to be ruthless. Because failure is not an option. The same goes for my sobriety. I have to be ruthless with myself. I have to use my fear. It makes me stronger. Like everyone else in this room, I can’t control who I am. But I can control the zero. Fuck the zero.”
I’ll conclude the post with something that I feel I have to say, because I would be lying if I didn’t mention it; 2018 was not a good year for me. In fact, it was probably one of the worst years of my life that I can recall. I feel like part of the reason I did so well at NoFap is because it was one of the only positive things I had going for me and that losing it would just make things worse. I wont go into details about this, its too private for a public forum, but what I will say is that going into 2019, I hope to put this frankly shitty year behind me and look towards a better future. Overcoming PMO addiction (or at least keeping a lid on it) was the first step, now I need to take a few more.