So here I am. I’ve reached my longest streak after 3 years of trying. 90 days.
– First of all my story in nutshell.
I’m 22. Started watching porn at the age of 13. I watched it every day at least once until the age of of 15. After that I only watched 4-5 times a week until the age of 19. After that I realized I have an addiction and I want to quit. I wasn’t easy. My mom passed away, I didn’t get into my dream university. I had moments when it was just easier to relapse. I failed so many times. The videos got kinkier and more frequent. I didn’t even enjoyed it anymore. I suffered from premature ejaculation because I just wanted to stop watching it as soon as possible. It also effected my sex life with my girlfriend.
In June I decided to quit with the hope of saving our relationship (it didn’t get bad because of our sex life. It ended because I was insecure and dishonest and because she found someone better). Well after one week she broke up with me. I was devastated. I found myself in the position of getting off two drugs at the same time. My girlfriend and porn.
The first 3 days were awful. I worked 12-16 just to keep away from porn but the urges were huge. Fortunately I didn’t have time to jerk off.
The first week. As I mentioned she broke up with me and the next day she had a new boyfriend. I was in hell. I went out a lot with friends, with my brother just to avoid my computer and smartphone. Also worked a lot. I had panic attacks, I cried at nights, in the mornings, I wanted to die. I even considered suicide. I decided that I need a therapist. One of my best decisions in rebooting. I recommend it.
Second week I started in a new series (I work in the film industry) and it helped me. We were shooting 6 days in a week. It got better. I felt stronger although I vomited a lot because of the break up.
I went on a holiday. Everything got better. I met interesting people. Urges got weaker. Brain fog disappeared. I had nice conversations with girls. I was happy that I reached one month. I changed to contact lenses and a new hair. I was happy. And really sad that I had to come back. I felt motivated, strong, joyful.
I felt like I’m okay. I got fitter (I’ve been hitting the gym and eating healthy since 20) and it showed. I finally got back my abs. So I decided to go out with a friend and have a huge party. I got really drunk (I also stopped drinking in June) and my emotions hit me about my ex so I decided to jump down from a bridge. I think I didnt mean it but my friend had to pull me back from the railing. I cried all night. I don’t think it has anything to do with NoFap. It was because of the break up.
I haven’t drunk since then.
After day 60 it was easy. For really. I was like I already did 2/3 of it. Why stop now. I work a lot, work out in my freetime, study french, go out with friends, working on my film plans. Also a girl asked me out. I don’t think I’m ready for that. I want to find my ‘future wife’ and not just hook up with a nice girl. I feel terribly lonely somedays and cry almost every week. I still can’t handle that I’m alone. I feel that I’m unnecessary. I really need love in my life.
Tips for rebooting:
-K9 web protection. I installed with an email address I don’t know the password for. I typed a random password after I set the categories and sites i wanted to block and it works well.
– Stay away from the fuckin smartphone, and social media. I logged out of facebook. I login once a week and spend 20 minutes on it. I use messenger once in the morning and once before going to bed. I use instagram just to post my photos (I’m a cinematographer). Stopped following girls who got me edging. STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM SOCIAL MEDIA!
- Go and work out. Eat healthy. Sleep 6-8 hours a day. Preferably from 10pm to 6am.
- Get a hobby. (I love to read, write, paint, taking photos, play soccer with my friends)
– Get a long term goal. And see what is needed for that. (I want to get in the best film university)
– Get a short term goal. (I want to get a french language exam)
- Go out with loved ones (cinema, hiking, car rides etc.)
- Meditate (I try to do that every day but sometimes I just can do it 1-2 times a week). Helps a lot.
- If you have mental problems (I do) go and see a therapist. NoFap won’t solve mental problems.
- Read No more Mr. Nice Guy. Totally me and I think maybe you.
I don’t experience so called superpowers. I didn’t experience hair growth. BUT
- Motivation (the best one). I can fucking do anything.
- Lasting eye-contacts. Huge smiles.
- Muscular growth.
- Clear mind.
- Pure love.
- The feeling that the world is mine.
Thank you for reading. If you have any questions or advice feel free to comment. 🙂
My next goal when it comes to Nofap is hitting 120 day and then so on. I still don’t feel fully recovered from my addiction so I need go forward.
EDIT: Well, I feel awesome thanks to you guys! 🙂
I’ve never thought my story could reach so many people. And that maybe I could help. I usually feel unnecessary, not needed. But today I experienced that I am needed. Thank you guys, really! 🙂
I even got a DM from a fapstronaut friend to speak in french. It’s soo cool. Thank you! 🙂
(my instagram is: farkaszoli.hesteg)