Age 23 – 120 Days Hard Mode. A long Before/After story


This is a long post on all the things that i’ve encountered being a PMO addict and a follower of NoFap. I’ve been an avid spectator of the site and all of your stories and motivation has kept me going without relapse for the past 120 days. I’m really greatfull to all the users and moderators. This community has been the most usefull resource in my NoFap and Self-improvement journey

PMO Life

  • Started at the age of 11 yrs.(Now 23 yrs old) An average of 2 PMO sessions per day, approx 330 days per year.
  • Hence 660 PMOs per yr * 12 yrs = 7920 PMOs till the age of 23 yrs.

Time Wasted

An approx avg of 1.5 hrs spent on each session of PMO, excluding the productivity and time lost post PMO.

Hence 7920 * 1.5 hrs = 11880 hrs. wasted on PMO.
= 742.5 wake days (16 hrs/day;sleep time excluded)
= 2.03425 yrs
= 17 % of wake time in the last 12 yrs.

If i had spent 16 hrs as follows: (Hypothetically)

School : 8 hrs.
Friends/Sports: 1 hr.
Media: 1 hr.
Grooming: 1 hr.
Food: 1 hr.
Study: 1 hr
PMO: 3hrs.

Clearly I must have sacrificed every other aspect of my life (incl. sleep) to entertain PMO i.e., the sessions alone. Including the post PMO sluggishness, health issues and low productivity would lead to 50% or more of my lifetime being taken away.

Health issues

It took a while for me to realise PMO addiction was a thing, similar in many ways to drug addiction etc. This long but excellent scientific discussion was very usefull in understanding the Dopamine Craving Brain:
Though the talk is mainly about drugs, the cravings/urges seem to apply quiet similarly to PMO addiction.

All the following issues seem to have started or worsened in the last 4 or 5 years

○ Low Motivation and Mood.
○ Resorting to PMO to improve mood.
○ Routine activity not rewarding.
○ Things that were previously fun seem less interesting.
○ Social anxiety.
○ Irritability
○ Low Patience for doing mundane work, chores etc.

Dysfunctional Penis Syndrome:
○ A feeling that my size was insufficient.
○ Erectile dysfunction and strong urges for PMO when there is an erection.
○ Towards the end, strong urges to watch perverse porn videos and get an erection or orgasm.

Low Stamina:
○ For Cardio exercise: Unable to fast jog for 800 m straight.
○ Weight training: Small weights and low reps and sets.
○ Push Ups: 10 reps 2 sets with great difficulty.

No fitness:
○ Over Weight.
○ Easy fatigability.
○ Need for repeated rest sessions during study/work.
○ Afternoon or Evening naps became quiet necessary.
○ Low Energy throughout the day.

Distorted Self Esteem and Self Image:
○ Expressing myself/making my point in a group or to anyone was difficult at times.
○ Avoiding hot girls even when many had shown interest in me, and had given a lot of clear signs. In my mind I used to imagine my moves but couldn’t execute the same as I felt I didn’t look good enough or was not good enough as a person to be with them.
○ Sometimes silly quips or sarcasm from someone incl. friends, used to send me into retrospection and self-inspection mode.

Learning Disability:
○ Brain Fog when trying to study or think on a subject.
○ My ability to remember things, and memorize facts seemed to have diminished 10 folds.
○ Though I stood close to top ranks in school and college only I knew the difficulty that i faced getting there.

Lost Opportunities (Assumed):

Though this section may be pure speculation, I can’t help but wonder what opportunities and experiences in life I’ve missed out on due to the PMO addiction.

I sometimes felt like a handicap (with due respect to all the people who face real disability) in an able person’s race. I sometimes took consolation in the thought that I was able to surpass many of them even with my disability.

Education and Work
○ I’m an Engineer; graduated from a reputed institute (only <10 ppl from my school could get in), in a decent job.
○ But i feel i could have done better in school and college if PMO wasn’t a part of my daily life.

○ Connection within my family is strong but my contribution to that seems limited as I was busy engaging in PMO.
○ Had only 2 GFs till now, both were 8/10 and in both cases they initiated it (I regret not having the confidence to start things)
○ Was hit on by 9s and 10s many a times but confidence always seemed to elude me and I’d end up pretending to not be interested.

Sports/ Exercise
○ Used to play soccer in school till the age of 16.
○ Exercised on/off till 22 yrs.
○ Never could give my 100% as i grew tired easily or lacked motivation.

NoFap day 120

Hard Mode : Social media use occasionally but not for PMO, no sex as I’m currently single and like it this way, I avoid fantasizing and try to stop myself from thinking of girls as sex objects.

Before this streak, i had tried nofap 3 or 4 times, with the longest streak being 30 days.
Every single time i had experienced immense improvement in health and capabilities.

This streak began when the depression got unbearable and i had to turn my life around.

Improvements: Without having to repeat anything I’ve said above

• ALL the Health Issues mentioned above have shown varying but considerable degree of resolution.
Though complete recovery seems to be a long way from now, I feel very hopeful and positive about nofap’s and my own potential.

• Forming good habits has become easier. I’ve been on and off on Daily Cardio, body weight exercise and Meditation, but they are yet to stick on fully.

• This helped in improving discipline :

Beating Urges:

Urges are sometimes strong, even till day 120, especially when you’re feeling sad/depressed. The higher the streak the more convincing your mind gets at telling you that it’s OK to relapse, that addiction to PMO is not a real thing, and that NoFap doesn’t work .. etc.

You HAVE to beat them, no matter what. You have to remind yourself of your streak, the immence freedom and strengths you’ve enjoyed when on NoFap.
○ Wrote down a brief list of reasons for starting this journey. Included names of people who I want to make happy in life, the foremost bad traits that I want to lose and the good ones that I want to gain, my life’s goals
○ I Keep this list in my wallet at all times and read through it many times when urges are strong.
○ Meditation and PushUps when struck with urges have also helped.

• I Reward myself for successful streaks. For every 15 days i get small rewards like my favorite desserts and other cheap stuff. For every month I get a more expensive gift such as an RC car, a good shirt, good books, exercise equipment etc.

• I maintain a timer app since the day i started. It shows the streak and serves as a good reminder of the hard feat i’ll loose if i relapse.

• This system has been quiet successful till now.. though strong urges are sometimes hard to beat by using reasoning and logic alone.

My NoFap Goals:

• Hard Mode for at least a year or till all the health issues are resolved considerably whichever is later.
• Improve self discipline in other areas using the momentum gained here.
• Develop strong habits for a more productive and healthy life.

I’d like to conclude by saying, I no longer feel like a victim of circumstances, a disabled man in an able person’s race. I feel in control and confident of taking on a challenge coming my way. This feeling of confidence though sometimes wavering is still 100x better than PMO life, which makes me wonder about all the strengths that I’m yet to uncover and the weaknesses I’m certain to beat as I continue this journey of NoFap.

Thank you all once again for all the support I’ve received from the community and I hope my story serves as a good before / after picture.

P.S. : I would love to answer all questions if any and also my next update will be on day 240 (as a reward for reaching there).

LINK – 120 Days Hard Mode. A long Before/After story !!

by Aspirin