Age 23 – I sleep good now, I’m happy, and I wouldn’t trade this feeling for the world

my entire sexual identity lived in front of a computer monitor

Started fapping when i was 12 , it was like a drug for me , like everyone it started normal but escalated over the years to more extreme things, at age 21 i realized that i couldnt hold an erection because this girl was too ” normal ” for my brain , even tho i really liked her , only could have sex if i thought about porn , and that didnt seem normal to me , so i researshed nofap , and started my recovery

for 2 years i made drastic changes daily , i will stop eating for 5 days ! in order to lose weight , i will stop cold turkey fapping , but this never worked
and now looking back , i truely understand why this didnt work , each time i stoppped fapping , it was only for a week or 2 , then would revert back with even worse porn and more time wasted.
At the begenning of this year i chose to start reading books again ,and forced myself to do that , two books that helped me alot to facing what i was doing are ” 12 rules for life”
and “atomic habits ”
why was i depressed ? why did i want to die ? , is there anything i can change even if small to improve myself just by a little bit ?
the answers were available if i was brave enough to ask myself the questions , alot of us live our whole lives afraid of asking ourselves questions that scare us.
Maybe we find out that we’re not victims after all , and that is a very scary thing to tell to someone who has been acting like a victim for years.

So i decided to start small and work myself up the ladder and my ultimate goal was to stop being depressed .
i didnt care about the finish line , i just truely enjoyed each step, after asking mysef questions like
what can i do to improve my life slowly , then answered the question and proceded to DO the things :

Started waking up at 8 no matter what the reason ( sleep at 12 , wake up at 8 every day )
Removed all porn content from my enviroment
installed kid protection software on my pc
stopped using instgram and facebook
Joined an accountability group on discord ( shout out to ethan,diz,xen)
limited the use of apps that i know contain trigger material (9gag , tiktok)
cared for myself more ( skin care , hair care )
Made sure to keep my room clean
Ate only in the kitchen
Focused on having a salad with every meal and 1 fruit with every meal
Walked / run daily (while listening to audiobooks ) doesnt matter for how long sometimes even 10 minutes
Decorated my room more
went to therapy every month
Never missed a dose of my antidepressants
limited drinking to only once a week
talked to people who wanted the best for me MORE often ( parents or friends )
Got clothes that fit me NOW even tho i knew i was losing weight and that they won’t fit in 2 months
Smiled more often
Wrote more poems
Bought good perfume
Truely forgave myself for mistakes of the past
said YES to EVERY chance at a social gathering , even if every bone in my body didnt want to go.

I’m sure by now , most of you are wondering , “what the hell are you talking about ? ” who gives a fuck if you eat in the kitchen or in your bedroom
that’s not gonna affect fapping or depression ; and youre right , EVERY single one of these changes alone would do ABSOLUTELY nothing to stop you from fapping
and wouldnt have stopped me from wanting to kill myself every night; but together these small changes are the reason i can say with absolute certainty tthat
i am happy and i am no longer an addict to masturbation and porn.
Each change alone doesnt matter , but together they form a pattern of behavior that builds someone who CARES ABOUT THEMSELVES
and that’s really your answer. start making small changes today , asking yourselves the same questions , and soon enough you will start seeing day 50 and more
on your counters , you will start seeing progress.

wanna know my superpowers ? i sleep good now , i’m happy , and i wouldn’t trade this feeling for the world.

thank you for reading , hope this helps someone.

LINK – Addicted since i was 12, Started my journey 2 years ago , now for the first time day 50

By thepurplemirror