It’s been more than a year since I went through the experience, so it’s about time to say it out loud. Porn should be treated just like any drug. It’s okay in small amounts, but if it spirals out of control (easy with high-speed internet) and becomes a habit, there’s a problem, especially if we’re talking about teenagers who are yet in the process of developing their sexuality. The sexual instinct is a powerful thing and we have it for a good reason. You can either use it productively, as motivation to help you make your life better, or you can jack off to a computer screen to make it go away. I chose to do the former.
To give you some context about my case: I had always been very well aware of the fact that watching porn is an incredibly stupid way to spend your time, but I did it (almost) every day anyway, not knowing about its harmful effects. Last year, being 23 and approaching my mid-20s without ever experiencing an intimate moment with a girl – not even a kiss, let alone anything sexual – I realised that something was horribly wrong. I realised that if I continued doing what I had been doing (and not doing) all along, it would stay that way and with every passing year, I would become more bitter, resentful and angry. If I had to choose one thing I hate the most in life, it would be bitter and resentful people who don’t bother to do anything to fix the things that make them miserable, blaming it on others instead (you know, people like incels). I would do anything not to become one of them.
So I did. I got PMO-free beginning summer 2017 and I promised myself that the next time I have an orgasm, it will be with a woman. Which is exactly what happened four months later with a foreign girl I met over Tinder. She couldn’t believe I was a virgin and immediately said I was lying… I didn’t mind the accusation, though: I had never believed that I could be perceived as attractive by anyone, so being proven wrong this way felt pretty good.
To any guys like me: believe in yourself and don’t give up. It pays off. The first three weeks were tough for me, the urges were strong and distracting, but you can overcome them by keeping yourself busy. After that it gets better, you become more content with your sexuality. Physical touch with a girl doesn’t feel embarassing and awkward anymore, it feels good, like you’re doing the right thing. The urges are still there, but now they’re focused on real women, not PMO. If you have trouble meeting girls and feel anxious about approaching them, this might be the push you need. Personally I’ve never experienced a flatline, I was horny throughout the process.
NoFap isn’t a miracle cure for all your life’s problems, though. Developing new, healthy habits, getting over social anxiety, improving social skills and “game” – all this goes a long way, NoFap is just one of the many tools you can use to get where you want to be in life. For me (like for many others), the goal was becoming more successful with girls (and losing my virginity). The only way to do that is to actually go out and meet them – NoFap can give you a push, but it’s a passive thing; you need to take the initiative. TAKE ACTION, GUYS. Your life isn’t going to get any better unless you actually go out of your way to change it.
There are things and resources that can help you along the way. I can recommend RSDMax, Valentino Kohen and Todd Valentine – channels on YouTube, they get really cheesy sometimes with their clickbait attitude and they keep trying to sell you their programmes (you don’t need them), but inbetween all that, you can learn a thing or two and get a different perspective on interacting with girls in a sexual way. Tinder can help if you have trouble approaching girls as it lets you skip that phase, but don’t rely on it. Meeting girls in real life is more fun once you get accustomed to it and it gets you further.
Also incorporate new healthy habits. I believe this is actually more important and useful than becoming PMO-free. Those include waking up at a reasonable time (my rule is to never get up later than 9 am, even if I have the option to stay in bed all day – it isn’t super early, but I can stick to that rule), exercise regularly (even once a week is good), commit to hobbies you like and do them on a regular basis. People, including girls, are naturally drawn to people who are confident and who feel good about themselves. True confidence and happiness can only come from within, by being content with who you are and what you do in life – so set your life up in such a way that makes it a life worth living! Even if you happen to be single at the moment.
Final note: I broke my streak several times over the past year, thinking “now that I finally achieved my goal, I can do whatever I please” – which is a silly idea and nothing but an excuse to go back to the lifestyle I tried so hard to escape. I’m now committed to stay away from porn for the rest of my life – the grass is indeed greener on this side of the fence.
Don’t give up, it will be worth it in the end!