I was reading ‘Beyond Order’ by Jordan Peterson the other day. It’s a great self-help book, and it’s actually a sequel on ’12 Rules for Life’. One of the rules/chapters is called ‘If old memories still upset you, write them down carefully and completely’. So that’s what I’ll do over here. First, I will give you guys a short summary of my life so far. After that, I’ll go into detail and write all my traumas and battle scars on this page whenever I feel like it.
So, I was born 24 years ago in a small town in the Netherlands. I grew up as an only child and I lived with my mom and dad. My parents divorced when I was 7 years old. Since then, my mom and I lived together and my dad moved out. One of my dad’s friends became my stepfather shortly afterwards, and he still lives with my mom. My dad has remarried too and got two kids with his new wife and I consider them as my little brothers. During my childhood I was a happy, creative, introverted and funny kid. But I was very obedient and a ‘good boy’. Although I liked being on my own, I was a social kid and had a lot of fun during my childhood.
When I got in high school, I got a lot of new friends. I became more extraverted and more rebellious. I had a lot of fun in high school; I kissed a girl for the first time, got my first real girlfriend, and I had sex for the first time. Unfortunately, I also developed a lot of bad habits during high school: smoking cigarettes, heavy drinking, smoking weed, eating junk food, procrastination, and the worst of them all: jerking off at foot-fetish-content. In my senior year they kicked me out, because of my behavior and my bad grades.
After high school, my bad habits became worse. I started drinking and smoking more and more, I started experimenting with hard drugs, and my innocent foot-fetish developed in a hardcore femdom-fetish. I jerked off to femdom, humiliation, forced bi, cuckold, slave/master and even gay content at least twice a day. Because of a lack of motivation, no work ethic, procrastination ,and having no direction in life I failed getting a degree twice. The drugs, the femdom content, low confidence, a depression and the letter that told me I got kicked out of school again, made me commit a horrible crime; at the age of 20, I committed suicide by taking pills and drinking booze.
Luckily, I puked all the pills out in my sleep and after staying in the hospital for the night, I could go home again. Still dealing with all my problems, I started working at my grandfather’s business. From there I slowly built myself up again. I started NoFap, eating healthy, lifting weights, watching self-help content on YouTube, running, and reading books. At the age of 22 I managed to get into college, by applying to a special program. I moved out to a student dorm in another city and started a bachelor in Business and Entrepreneurship.
Now, I am almost at the start of my third year. I quit smoking for 6 months now, I haven’t been drunk in months, reduced drug intake to a few times a year, and I’m fighting every day against PMO. My body and mind are in great shape, and I am healthier and happier than ever before. I even became a Christian last year. But it’s not completely happily ever after. I still have a lot of demons that I need to confront.
If you are interested in my story and my recovery, and want to know the details, please follow my page to keep you updated. I’ll go into specific memories of life. ‘If old memories still upset you, write them down carefully and completely’
LINK – Memoires of 24-year-old that survived a suicide attempt
By DanielHanes
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