After watching the Fight the new Drug documentary, my views on mainstream pornography changed drastically. I finally got in touch with all its awful effects on individuals and society as a whole. Naturally, I noticed myself not finding mainstream porn sexually appealing anymore. Actually, I don’t find watching others having sex appealing at all anymore.
So, with this, when I returned to masturbation, I tried to do it while understanding my real sexual desires. During these self-pleasure moments, I often caught myself thinking about a crush, thinking about having intimate and loving sex with her. This is what I want for my sexual life.
Porn has made myself disconnected to my own sexual desires, it just became a self-sustained entity, with nothing but the emptiness of lust and unfulfilling sexual stimuli. The porn industry allowed the abundant high-speed offert of sexual content dictate my own sexual demands, all this combined with a social isolated life, which increased all those awful effects on me for sure.
As a 24 yo male, quitting porn made me aware of my sexual feelings again, after a long period without sexual activity due to performance-rooted unconfidence, along with a self-discontent with my own penis, due to unrealistic porn based expectation and visuals. While dealing with my self at therapy, I discovered a sensible, outgoing and confident man, much more like the essence I had as a child, before all the teenage years’ anxieties and excessive porn use. To make things clearer, I used to act at the elementary school acting classes! That was my level of outgoingness! haha
After this long period of abstinence, as I mentioned, I always got to remember my self that real relationships are worth the shot, I always have to remember the amazing intimacy I had with my teenage sweetheart as a example of how good intimacy can be, even though I got to do everything with her but the actual intercourse, as I was too freaking nervous to do so – that was the root of all my abstinence years, the fear of “failing” again in bed with someone else. I’m dealing with this at therapy. But now that I’m aware of the sex positive culture and got a little more mature through the years, I hope my sexual life finally finds peace haha
Back to the porn issue, sometimes, I still see naked pictures of nsfw redditors to touch myself, always contents posted willingly of course. Contents without unrealistic angles or photoshop enhancement. And doing so, as I quit the mainstream porn euphoria, I understood I need sexual intimacy again, bc I often imagine myself having intimate and loving sex with these adult redditors. Now I just got to transfer this sexual energy I spend on these online adult content to investing in real women.
After all that, I’m beginning to understand life as the sum of experiences and the awesome people we meet through this little journey of ours. I’m starting to see life as a truly connection between us, the people, of flesh and blood, with feelings, emotions and an amazing individual complexity that makes us all unique.
I’m really grateful for finding this welcoming and healthy space of discussion here on Reddit. Blessing for y’all.