I am 25. I was always socially anxious, and a really good relationship had ended partly because I was always tired, irritable, and I lacked desire for my partner. Now I am never tired, socially confident, and only irritable occasionally and in a way that makes me more productive. After having been on NoFap streaks on-and-off for about a year, this streak is the first in which I’ve cleared the one-month mark.
Let me tell you, especially those of you who are just starting and in the early days of their streaks, the mindset change which a month of NoFap brings is very real, and I am starting to think that many of the oft-touted superpowers are just particular manifestations of the overall mindset change.
Last night, I went to a club with a friend on a whim. I did not have a particular goal in mind. I just wanted to be spontaneous and have fun. This is one change from pre-NoFap me, who would have gone solely for the purpose of finding someone to hook up with. Normally, this particular club is popping. Last night it was sedate. People were just sitting around in their own groups, and although the DJ was doing his part, nobody was dancing. After a few minutes of being there, I told my buddy “I’m gonna go up there and dance.” And I did. I climbed up onto a stage at the front of the room, right in front of the DJ, and started dancing in whatever way felt natural to me.
Let me be clear: I am not a good dancer. I am awkward in that slightly rhythm-less white dude kind of way. I was aware that I probably looked a bit goofy. But on 41 days of NoFap, I gave absolutely zero fucks about that fact. I was there to have fun, and this was the way I was having fun, and – whereas old me would have been super shy and self-conscious – I did not care at all what anybody else in the club was thinking.
Within 10 minutes, the formerly empty stage was packed. I turned around at one point, and there was suddenly a dance going on all around me. Some people were great, others were awkward like me but less confident, mostly standing around and swaying slightly, but everyone wanted to be there. And then girls who had formerly been at the bar started coming up to the stage to dance with me. First one, then when she left to get water and talk to her friends, another, then another. I kid you not, there was a metaphorical revolving door of women who wanted to dance with me. In every case, they got close and smiled at me, and then I took them by the hands and led them through the dance moves that I wanted to do with them. Each of them was beaming; they looked so happy to be up there dancing with me and not just sitting at the bar making small talk. One of them even said “you’re a really good dancer!” As I mentioned earlier, that statement is objectively false, but I think my confidence and dgaf attitude which allowed her to cut loose and just have fun created such a good experience for her that she interpreted it as good dancing. This same girl later pulled me close to her, took my head in her hands and gave me a long kiss on the cheek before saying “I have to go back to my friends.”
Old me would have either tried to think of some way to go talk to her again before she left in the desperate hope of hooking up or been crestfallen the rest of the night, thinking that I had failed to seal the deal and obsessively analyzing all of the reasons why I might have failed. But new me just thought “wow, that was fun” and kept on doing what I was doing, not caring if or when I would encounter her again. It wasn’t long before another girl approached me and starting dancing with me. I wasn’t looking for it. I wasn’t desperately hoping for it. It just happened, in spite of (or maybe because of) my obliviousness to everything that was not me having fun on my terms. After we danced for about 20 minutes, she brought two of her friends to me and told them to dance with me too. This process happened again and again. I must have danced for 3 hours straight that night. I felt so happy and carefree, and it seemed to have rubbed off on everyone else in the club. The DJ even fist-bumped me at one point, probably grateful that I had gotten the room to start moving to his music.
Anyways, dudes, what I’m trying to get across is that a little over a month of NoFap created a mindset change which turned a perennially awkward shy guy into the life of the club, a guy whom women were approaching at regular intervals, leaving their groups of guys and girl friends just to have some fun with him. I think it all stems from the simple joy in being alive and carelessness about what other people think that you exude when you’re not fapping; it creates the polar opposite of the creepy vibe, and women pick up on these things. Stay strong, my brothers; there’s so much joy and fun to be had.
tl;dr NoFap confidence and joy radiate out of you, making you a magnet to other people. It allowed me to turn a dead club into a popping party and caused beautiful women to approach me for dances all night.
You just have to decide that you’re gonna enjoy yourself no matter what the situation is and not even consider the opinions of the other people who are probably not having as much fun. Self-consciousness in this kind of situation is essentially surrendering control to everyone who isn’t you; they get to dictate whether or not you have fun and on what terms. Letting someone who isn’t having fun determine how you have fun is like learning oratory from a mute person.
It was very obvious both to me and to my friend that I could have quickly physically escalated with at least two of the women dancing with me. But that was not my goal. I was having fun as things were, and to be honest the idea of meaningless sex has become less appealing the longer I do NoFap. So I had a fun night dancing with a lot of beautiful women and went home when I started getting tired, with no regrets or complications the next morning.