A year ago..
I was hopeless.
I was numb.
I have lost all my passion and motivation for life.
My libido was at rock bottom.. my penis was lifeless and even porn could not keep my erection. Zero morning wood and it was smaller than when I was a little boy.
My girlfriend of 4 years left me because I chose porn, dating apps, and meaningless sex over her love for cheap instant gratifications. I treated her like shit.. and she was the sweetest girl who really loved me.
I didnt have a clue why I was this way.. and not knowing only filled my days with extreme anger, depression, regret, guilt, and anxiety. You know how it feels when you are feeling broken inside, both mentally and physically. Its the worst feeling in the entire world. And to escape these feelings, I turned to one thing that got me to this place.. hardcore pornography. And this cycle gets deeper and darker into a bottomless pit. I was ready to not live anymore.. until i found Gabe deem and Noah Church on youtube.
Knowing that I wasn’t the only one was a huge relief. But it took me 8 months of constantly trying and relapsing every couple weeks to start a streak I am on right now. I was heavily addicted to instagram and dating apps which caused me to relapse countless times. no matter how long your streak is, it only takes a couple relapses for you to find yourself at the bottom of the mountain again. I was so fucking lonely.. which made me either talk to girls online or go back to porn sites. I got a chance to sleep with a beautiful girl i met on a dating app around 4 months ago and needless to say.. I failed miserably.
After this incident was I made up my mind to really change. PMO was not an option for me anymore.. no matter how difficult things were. I was sick and tired of escaping from my feelings and life and decided to face this journey with a 100 percent commitment. Looking back at it, I wish i had made this decision back when I started. You are either on this path or you are not. There is no in between.
Flatline hit me like a truck from day 1. And it went on.. and on.. until day 96. I was completely broken. But I had a clear goal that I would never go back to the way I was. I did everything I could to get out of this flatline and doing these things has really improved the quality of my life as well as my mental and physical health. We are all here to ultimately beat our porn addiction but I truly believe that the real benefits of nofap comes from self discipline and every small changes you incorporate into your daily life that makes you a better person.
During this journey, these were the things that I tried best to do everyday and I believe it can benefit anybody.. especially those who are rebooting :
Wim Hof breathing exercise (best in the morning)
Cold showers (2-5 minutes in the morning)
HIIT workouts and calisthenics (100-200 pullups + 2-300 dips + pushups + 10 minute ab routine)
NO drugs, weed, nicotine, and caffeine
Delete all social media and dating apps and block all porn sites.
NO phone use after 8pm and NO phone in bed.
Sleep before midnight and wake up before 8am.
Have a progress journal off the screen. (write down how you feel, what changed, libido, morning wood, etc) its easy to forget if you are doing right in this rollercoaster of a journey. Difficult times come in big waves and these things will help you surf them.
I know this list is far from easy.. it was very difficult for me to be honest. Seeing this period as a small sacrifice for my brighter future made things a bit easier to endure.
Now I am at Day 120 into my journey.. and things are quite different to say the least.
I am free of depression and anxiety.. and my mind and focus is crystal clear. Physically i could not be in a better shape. I now know that true happiness comes from true love and finding my purpose in life, instead of searching for it through short term pleasures. I can really appreciate all the small details in life that I was numb to acknowledge before and I cannot be more grateful. I quit escaping from adversities life hits me with and I am more confident in taking more risks and responsibilities. I don’t try to ignore my feeling anymore and try to deal with them by observing how they affect me. I am not afraid of being vulnerable to people who are close to me, which has made me a more open and transparent person. I reached out to my ex girlfriend and opened up about everything that I was going through and how she still means everything to me.. she was so happy to hear from me and booked her flight during the call to come see me. We met on day 114 of my hardmode journey and we had the most amazing sex.. and she was absolutely mind blown. I was convinced that my penis was still broken but once i saw her and felt the love we had everything just snapped and I had no issues in the bedroom. Now we are back together and I will give her everything from now on. I encourage anybody who is afraid to be intimate with a girl because of porn related sexual dysfunctions to just take the risk if you are far enough into your reboot. Sometimes it can really kick start your libido and put a definite end to your flatline. There is so much more to gain than to lose from trying.
I still have many more benefits ahead of me as I will continue on in this journey. One thing for sure is that I wouldn’t have made it this far without Gabe Deem and people on this forum so I appreciate all of you so so much.
PLEASE KNOW THAT YOU WILL BE HEALED.
You deserve to enjoy life full of love and purpose. Just don’t go back to your old ways.. We’re much better than that.
By – Sangiha