Age 25 – From deep depression, hundreds of relapses and hopelessness to day 32 no pmo


 I discovered I was addicted to porn/masturbation about 2,5 years ago. In that time I was so stuck. That I could not even go 2 days without pmo. These last 2.5 years I had lots of depression and relapses, learned a lot after every relapse. In my last relapse-binged, I binged 3 days in a row a couple times a day and I felt so depressed and hopeless that I even started to ask myself the sense of me living, pretty scary thought.

Well I knew i had to make things happen… So I bought a book; the porn addiction cure from Matt Peplinski, a former porn addict and I learned a lot of mindfulness that I could use when urges came. I studied for a week the whole book, and after that I had to leave the house… I could not stay because I was so deep in my depression. So at 3 a clock at night I booked a flight to the Canarian Islands (myself I live in Nice, French Riviera, and south Europe). And went there 2 weeks. To get my mind together. My activities that I did and tips I would give:

Especially the first month: stay buzy, workout regularly, listen music that makes you happy, don’t think too much about nofap put in everyday a moment where you can watch a nofap vid or get more knowledge. Avoid Triggers… That was my biggest problem. So I stopped reading my facebook newsfeed, deleted instagram (6months ago). Limited my snapchat activity. Also no videoclips watching because in the most of them are way to many triggers. With that I got out the way of explicit music, cause that triggers me too, and on TV I could not see a lot of things simply due to triggers.. because.. sex is everywhere on the media, it’s crazy.

In terms of URGES… In these last 2,5 years I’ve made streaks from 2 days up to 48 and every time the reason I relapsed was due to the urges and my mind fooling me. So if you feel an urge coming up, know that it’s just a thought, not more. If I feel urges, I don’t fight them, I observe them and knows its just an urge, like an image of a horse of mountain on a screen. And watch out for the brain fooling you. If I fight the urges my brain starts saying; Come on Mat, porn is not that bad for you? everybody watches it! Or; yeah come on just 1 hour per week, or: man you’re missing out on life…. And when I finally relapse for which ever reason, the moment I ejaculate, INSTANT REGRET..

And it’s the worst feeling ever when you know you just messed up your streak for the 100st time and your thoughts before relapsing where all so wrong.. So these new techniques i used leaded to the fact that till today on day 32 I’ve had 0 intense urges. Because when i felt one coming up in the back of my mind I handled it differently and did not started to doubt about the nofap lifestyle or fight the urges in the wrong way. I hope I don’t sound too arrogant; I just want to say that even if you’re just starting out nofap and are currently in a nonstop cycle or just needed some motivation. Never ever give up.

I’ve been through the worst binge relapses, depressions, I even told my parents about the addiction what was the scariest thing I’ve done in my life. I literally thought I’m gonna stay addicted and relapsing forever. It’s just day 32 but i feel very confident about the rest of my journey to 90 days. Here some benefits that i have comparing to my day 0.

I have more motivation, more energy, especially in the gym. More confidence and the urge to be social, also i start little by little feel that feeling of being a child again. My social anxiety is already less and I don’t really care what people think about me.

Life has a meaning again for me and i am happy to live, happy to enjoy just sitting on the beach and watch some birds, those little things due to my receptors restoring. I’m going back to work, starting a little study next to it and start learning Spanish. It feels all so new but that’s normal since I’m coming slowly out of the dark tunnel now. My next story will be at 6à days and after of course 90 days, because now it’s just the beginning but a good beginning.

Guys never give up!! it will take time but there is gonna be results have a blessed day brothers and if anyone has questions it’s my pleasure to answer them! Mat

LINK – From deep depression, hundreds of relapses and hopelessness to day 32 no pmo,its just the beginning

by Mat1992