Thanks people of r/NoFap for all the information that helped me make the better decision. I’ve been reading this sub for years now. I’m writing this post to motivate/advise lads and ladies here struggling (like I was years back), so you can achieve your intended goals quicker.
Backstory: As my memory somehow gets clearer (part freed-up time from NoFap to reflect, part quitting caffeine), my earliest memory of sexual desire was from an image of a car showgirl. I was 14. However, I didn’t know how to masturbate then. When I turned 17, I felt too uncomfortable with the brimming energy, and felt it had to be released. Thus, I searched online to find out how to masturbate. It was really awkward first few times, but I quickly grew to associate ejaculation with pleasure. Only when I turned 22, I realized how much ruin I was in; closed up, afraid to meet people in case they discovered my guilty pleasure. For the next few years I tried to recover. But I was always stuck in the tug-of-war information battle online. On one hand, you had strong “activists” like you guys here, and on the other, sites that said masturbation is healthy. The latter was usually my cause of relapse. Today, I’m 25, I have absolutely no desire to go back. Life changes in tangent included quitting caffeine, processed food, late nights. Life improvements in tangent includes picking up two new languages, even more programming languages, consistent exercise, DIY engineering projects, philosophy, and new relationships! I’ve never felt this alive before 🙂
Some other things I found useful:
Streak duration don’t matter, intention does – My counter probably shows 42 days now, but there was a time I went 90 days without. That time, I felt so great after achieving it I relapsed hard immediately after. I think this resonates with some of the guys here. What I found helpful was some dude’s post about Andrew Huberman neuroscience Podcast. If you don’t have 90 minutes to spare, here’s the gist – “keep in mind 3 reasons to quit/achieve something you want. One from love, one from fear, one from joy”. In my case, my reasons for quitting PMO were (1) fear of becoming reclusive, (2) joy in having time AND energy for meaningful things, (3) love my girlfriend. Find your own reasons to quit, and own it.
Porn is biased – Sex on porn is not sex in real-life. I’ve read articles saying they take hours to shoot a video, and pick the best scenes. In real life you don’t get to curate it, real sex would probably be messy. In porn, the general theme seems to be (1) dominate your partner, (2) cum. That causes many problems. Rape and non-consensual sex happens. Many articles on emotional turmoil lady undergoes, and for the rapist, what – a moment of pleasure? As for cumming, I personally always felt more tired / relaxed after it – energy that could have been better spent on the numerous passions / interest we all must have / yet to discover! While humans are (almost) inevitably biased, only you can decide if you want to continue your porn-bias.
The time we waste chasing sex – it’s shocking to see how many men are buff as hell, how many ladies have that big booty. I think it’s sad. Time to train up bodies like that takes time, and IF it is only to meet media’s sexual standards, how much time are we losing to other more useful pursuits? Time spent polishing up Tinder profiles, going after people that ghost us… Only you can decide how to best spend your time.
“Rome wasn’t built in a day” – I see new buddies here feeling sad about relapsing. Don’t be! Each time you fight it, you learn a new thing about yourself. Probably much better than going through life without thinking, right?
If you’ve read this far, thanks for checking this out, I hope it helps. Just some parting words about how I am now. Definitely objectifying women (opposite gender) much less, and I love the intellectual expansion to learn how different their thought patterns are. Loving this life now so much I am considering going on to explore Multi-Orgasm / Semen Retention. Life still ain’t perfect, and it may never be, but at least I’m glad to be out of the seemingly endless PMO vortex. This post may be messy and incomplete, I’ll be glad to answer questions 🙂
LINK – 5 Years Addiction, 3 Years Recovery, 1 Final Opinion
By zhihong95
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