Update : I am currently on day 120 of my journey. (Background)
All the benefits that I am experiencing are only getting better.
I finally feel free of my addiction and my life is so much better that I am determined that there is no way that I am ever going back to my old ways.
Last week I managed to have sex 6 times in 2 days with my girlfriend. I was talking to this girl since I was 30 days free from pornography but I was busy with work so I was travelling a lot so we were not really in a relationship. We went on couple of dates and around day 120 we decided to have sex and I was able to do it.
Regarding P fantasies, my porn tastes [had] escalated and I was watching some stuff that I don’t find arousing in real life at all. I think after 2-3 months those P fantasies diminished completely.
I struggled with PIED most of my life since I conditioned my brain to only respond to pornography since I was 10 years old.
I was afraid that my brain was permanently wired to respond to pornography only but all of our ancestors have successfully reproduced and our sexual circuits in our brain are still there we just need to awaken them
This was a huge achievement for me and I have never been happier in my life.
Just to give anybody hope who is struggling. Life does get better a lot but you need to stop with artificial sexual stimulation . There is nothing good in it.
[Additional benefits]
Benefits that I am experiencing:
Social benefits – Most benefits that I noticed are definitely social. When I was deep into my addiction I was a shell of a person. Afraid of social situations, afraid of women, afraid to state my opinion, extremely socially anxious. Since I stopped this habit I noticed the improvement in this area every day. Every day I am experiencing more social benefits. I am more charismatic, I am a lot funnier, a lot calmer in social situations, talking to women is much easier every day that goes by . I am more assertive and confident in social situations. I am finally starting to feel aligned with my true self when I talk.
I don’t really know the science behind this. If somebody has a scientific explanation I would like to hear it. I can only guess. Watching porn and masturbating is a shameful act. Nobody is proud of it . Nobody goes out and talks with friends and family how much porn they watch and how many times they masturbate . We are all ashamed of that act. That’s why we feel post nut clarity. It’s our higher self telling us that what we shouldn’t be doing this. I am not really sure but my guess is that that’s the reason why we feel socially anxious and not confident. How can we be confident knowing what we are doing when we are alone and carrying so much shame ? We can’t fake the confidence. It has to come from within and it has to be real. When we carry so much shame that confidence can’t be real. Even if we try to act confident we know that we are lying , we are not being true to our selves. We can’t just have better self esteem faking it. If we are miserable and we are betraying ourselves watching pornography we can’t just decide to feel good about it and have a good self esteem and confidence. It’s just not real. When we finally stop and the time goes by, and we really feel that we got a grip on this addiction that’s when we can start feeling really confident. That’s when the shame is starting to disappear. I feel much better about myself and much more confident because I know that the person that was watching the porn last year is not me anymore. That person is dead. I am not going to betray myself. I am not going back there never in my life.
Anxiety and depression lifted- I feel a lot better since I stopped with this filth. Anxiety and depression is a complicated subject and I don’t want to say that porn and masturbation was 100% the reason for it . But it definitely played a big part in that .
More motivation, desire and drive – I am feeling much more motivated and ambitious. We all know how porn addiction can deplete our dopamine and we lose a lot of motivation and drive to achieve other things in life. Since I stopped I feel that returning. I also stopped other cheap dopamine activities like passively scrolling through Instagram, Facebook, Youtube, I stopped eating sugar. I am doing a dopamine detox and it’s really helping me. I am much more motivated to pursue things in my life.
I am feeling emotions more deeply – I will consider this a benefit even though maybe not everyone will agree . I said that this addiction taught me a lot about myself. One more thing I realized is that I was numbing my feelings with pleasure and addiction . Whenever I felt any emotional pain I would numb it with porn. Once I stopped, those emotions came back full force. Life can hurt us and with some life experiences I experienced sadness, frustration, anger, jealousy, heartbreak and those emotions are not pleasant but that’s what it means to be a human being. I would never trade it for emotional numbness that I was feeling. Because of that when good things happen, I am able to experience joy and happiness on a much deeper level as well.
Update : Day 166 of nofap
I am currently 166 days completely free of watching pornography. I have 0 urges to ever watch pornography again . It just doesn’t cross my mind anymore.
I think I am still healing cause I am still continuing to see improvements in all the benefits I mentioned. I am completely different person than when I was deep in my addiction.
I believe that I am still healing sexually. I conditioned myself to pornography from really early age so it takes time to reverse the damage that I have done.
I am currently in a relationship and I have sex every weekend and I was struggling with PIED before but now I think I am at least 90% cured. I still can’t get it up sometimes for 3rd round but I wouldn’t consider that an issue. Sometimes stress and tiredness and other life problems can cause that and it’s 3rd round so I wouldn’t worry too much about that.
I am still healing sexually cause I notice that my erections are better every weekend when I have sex with my girlfriend. Also I notice that every orgasm with my girlfriend sets me back to a flatline where I don’t have any libido for a week. Would that happen to me if I never condition myself to pornography? I can’t really know. Will that improve overtime? Time will tell that and I’ll pay attention to that.
Anyway I am excited to continue this journey and I’ll never go back to that lifestyle. Everyday I see how much life is better without porn. It truly is a poison and life is more and more beautiful every day since I am free from my addiction.
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