Salute to late Gary Wilson, who created yourbrainonporn.com, Alexander Rhodes, youtubers Mark Queppet, Seth Alexander for the help I got for coming out of hell.
Background
I was exposed to women’s lingerie ads in very childhood (I cant remember, i was too young). From very childhood I was interested in women’s bodies and couldn’t keep my paws away from porn. Growing up the item dances of Indian movies pierced my innocence at very young age. Started masturbating very young and was under constant feeling of insecurity. The teachers of school always preferred and loved the students who got high grades in class and my average yet good enough grades made me feel extremely insecure.
I still remember the day I first tried to talk to a girl in kinder garden – all the boys ganged up and called me “girl” and laughed at me. Frightened and isolated I grew up without much friends and I had no knowledge about how to socialize with people. Hitting grade 6 was extremely difficult as I had to watch the boys who called me “girl” for talking to a girl talking and befriending and getting personally close with all the girls in class while I was stuck in all ways possible. I couldn’t even make friends with boys.
By grade 10 I was convinced I will never get any girl and started thinking about switching over to boys because I was so tired of being alone. This thinking got myself together with some men and I didn’t enjoy the things we did.
College was the hell for me. Watching everyone hanging out with girlfriends made me extremely insecure. That’s when we got cheap and free 4g internet at that time thanks to Reliance jio, my porn use skyrocketed. I started watching porn all night often from 9 PM till 5 AM. Prolonged period of edging and masturbation made me feel very bad and sacrificing precious sleep time was catching up on me.
Things started to get better …
when for some reason one day I somehow felt like searching for “Porn addiction” in google. Reading the search results made my heart pounding hard and made me scared. I discovered nofap.com that day. And marks the beginning of my porn addiction related knowledge seeking and recovery journey that lasted 6 years. I have read so much content that was shared here in our forums, and there are times when I felt there is no hope for me when all I had was some success stories shared in this thread.
The last time I fapped to porn with porn controlling me was Nov 1st 2022. Will never forget that day. I finally overcame my addiction and went on to complete a big streak of 11 months after that day. Even though my streak ended, it was under my terms under my control – no porn – and I’m not regretting it in any way. I now realize my control over my sexuality and I will never use porn.
If you feel like you cant do it, if you feel like life is getting difficult, don’t hesitate to send me a message. I will always hear you out. You matter, the world needs you and it needs you in your best condition.
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