As multiple stories before me have shed light on, mine is not much different. Addicted to porn, low self confidence, low esteem, thought why even push for girls when you can just jerk off and then chase your life of dreams. Even though my mentality was at right place (Quitting weed and alcohol). I could not always understand the source of my lethargy, my problem with decisions, my choice of unattainable and poorly horrible women and the BIG OLD Monster of procrastination.
I have read about nofap and decided to begin this journey on 15th September, 2018. The benefits were clear as hell : (Sept 15,2018 to October 1,2018 ) 15 days
1. Very clear mind
2. Aggressive composure ( I was aggressive but not hurtful to others)
3. A passion to achieve my dreams
4. Getting more work done naturally without doing absolutely any difference in my life.
5. Girl attraction was massive, i had my college girls performing leg splits and giggling 6. Motivation to hit gym, even though i was a good trader i left it and my brain daily started encouraging me to trade more.
Now during this i was pretty close to a girl where i am certain she liked me( but has a bf). Things happened which i did not want to as she was committed and next day we had a fight and it was quite heavily taxing on me (There are various levels of complications and sob stories and what not ultimately leading to a semi fuck-buddy/friendzone but i do not want to waste your time). The pain was so so bad that i relapsed on October 1st. I jerked off 3 times before sitting in a corner and crying myself.
Even though my counter was reset, i had a horrible week. Trouble of eating, socialising, puking anything i eat, massive depression, mind numbing thoughts, unable to sleep, unable to be in a conversation , grad studies took a massive hit but over the time exactly 8 days (I was very compassionate with myself : very important). Things looked better.
So My 2nd streak (October 1st to ongoing) Benefits were very different.
1. Confidence boost was there but it was a gradual boost, it kept on increasing day by day.
2. No aggression et all this time.
3. Started to understand myself better, got involved in meditation and gym ( it works wonder and takes so much time of your daily schedules).
4. Girl attraction is on and off.
5. Motivation to things is there and increases as everyday passes.
6. Putting massive effort on myself on 2nd streak to grow into a better human being.
7. During one of my meditation sessions i had a feeling right near my chest which I cannot explain. It was blissful, beautiful and can not be traded for anything else in the world.
7. Completely eradicated the girl out of my life ( This is important because this is the first time in my life, i have kicked out a women from my life instead of worshipping her and thinking that there is no one in the world apart from her).
I am more often than not messaged by the same girl every week asking stupid questions about how certain things are and where i had clearly mentioned her that i have no interest in keeping any sort of non-equal relation. Today i had set up a meet with her and explained that even though i really like her that does not mean i have to be in her life and vice versa.
In honestly, my conversations made her awkward and uncomfortable and there it ended. It was important for me to do it because this could easily lead to a friend-zone situation where even though i will be happy chatting with her and spending time but deep inside it damages me for my next relation and eventually having lesser respect for the right women.
It has been 5 hours and i can see I feel sad, little dejected and horrible. Just a sudden wave of anxiety and loneliness have set in which took me 3 days to recover last month. But its best for my mind and body. From energetic pulling 1.5x my weight in gym today evening i am back to just lying on my bed. But I had promised myself that if I completed 30 days i would post a honest review here. I though a lot and it took me a lot of effort to find my laptop and start typing this.
Thing to notice is I know how I am as a person and often shutdown myself completely but the fact that i have penned my thoughts is a great improvement in itself. We should always be aware of these little changes we go through which rarely is mentioned. This small habits of fighting adversity and getting things done no matter how shit you feel is what really separates men from boys.
Also one insight regarding Law of attraction: This is why I am aligning more towards Law of attraction, if you feel shit and do not value yourself the aura/magnetism of SR/Nofap does not work even though i did not have a wet dream. I had to cultivate and think positively and only then i could see the changes in real life ( True story )
My next goal is to have more understanding of law of attraction and understanding the benefits it brings in your life.
Things to care of extremely:
1. Even though no one usually follows (including me) it is of paramount importance that nofap be done for your self improvement and not for women. I think this is something a individual learns himself.
2. Meditation is must do practise, even if you keep failing you will pick it up. Use youtube if money is not a worry get headspace(definitely worth it).
3. Do not give of your semen easily, i had girls throwing themselves at me at Barn Dance and that can lead to a serious chaser effect. It took me too much effort to stay clean.
4. Work out, see your calorie intake, make a plan, even if you feel lonely but once you incorporate these habits. You will see that you do not have much time left.
5. This community has great set of assets and reading materials, truly utilize it as much as you can.
6. Refrain from posting petty issues(1 day relapse, what should i do etc) try working it out yourself. It will make your will power stronger but if you need the community we are always here.
7. Incorporate Books in your life. Find your own way. See what interests you, start small so that you start picking up the habit to read. No mr Nice guy is a wonderful read(Personal choice).
6. You will feel like shit (like i do at this exact moment) but do not let it define you. Keep pushing until you feel good. Just do not give up. Every decision you take against your conscious mind will degrade your will power. That include fapping , your devil mind will be happy but the pure mind inside you will cry for failing it again.
8. Think of each pain, urge and suffering as your muscle in gym. Your leg muscles are totally fine, looking good, at ease no burden, functions how its suppose to but when you work on it, do reps, fuck the shit out on your leg day you feel the immense pain and agony and that only helps your muscle get stronger. The stronger the pain the bigger the muscle(mind) if you deal with it correctly in a productive way.
9. If you are on look out for a women, treat her equal and seek out quality. Do not let a succubus into your life.
This is the first time i have taken a different direction towards a girl (irrespective of how much i like her) and i really think NoFap has a huge role to play in it.
Interesting Quotes :
‘Dont Give up what you want MOST for what you want now.’
‘You can not be doing the same stuff every-time and expecting different results.’
I am here for each and every question, i would love to answer and maybe even guide you to good resources if you are in need.
I do apologize for painting the benefits in not a rainbow way but clouding in thoughts of what i am currently going through.
I know this forum is not what it used to be but if there are any next steps to do from veterans here regarding transmutation and chakras, i would love to follow it to the T.