I started my journey to the fantasy world of porn in 2008, when I was 17. Before that I was never exposed to such material until we bought our first PC in the end of 2007. That time our internet was very slow. I only visited sites with photos.
For the first one year I enjoyed it. Every day I managed to visit many porn sites and would fap after looking at photos for one to two hours before sleep. Before 2008 I was energetic and would go out and play with friends every day. But slowly my energy started to go down. It started to feel like my whole energy and soul is being sucked out bit by bit day by day. I couldn’t study for long; my concentration was ruined. I felt lethargic, gloomy and depressed all day.
I started my graduation in 2009. My PMO addiction made me so lazy and depressed during the four years of the graduation. After graduation in 2014 I started to become more and more depressed every year. I started to search for HQ and more filthy and arousing scenes to get the high state. I went into more extreme categories, because normal videos didn’t give me the dopamine release I wanted. I would start a video but soon switched to another and would keep switching to new ones for hours until I found the perfect scene which gave me the highest dopamine release and fapped, feeling extremely guilty and negative about me afterwards. I cursed myself. Then slowly I moved towards compilation videos in search of more excitement and more high orgasm.
I was already a sort of procrastinator, but porn addiction made me a master procrastinator. My depression was on all time high after 2016. Every morning I woke up with low energy and lack of sleep, sometime oversleep. Every morning my first thought was “Oh no another day; how will this long day pass”.
Deep down I was extremely tired of my porn addiction and passive lifestyle. I couldn’t enjoy when I was with my family and friends or outside in the nature. There was always a strange fog around my brain, which didn’t let me fully live in the moment and enjoy. All day there was an unknown fear and feelings of guilt in my mind.
In 2016 I started to search about porn addiction and watched lots of nofap videos and read many articles which motivated me and I left pornography for few weeks or a month. But every time it started again after few weeks and I relapsed. In 2016 I even completed a 90-day nofap challenge, but that time I didn’t know about withdrawal symptoms, so I relapsed again.
In the starting of 2018 I seriously started to research about PMO and withdrawal symptoms. The new research gave me new perspective about the severity of this filthy addiction.
On 21st April 2018 I started my 90-day nofap challenge again with new energy hope. It went great, I was more aware of my triggers. I had 2, 3 wet dreams per month. On the night of 91st day I watched many YouTube prank and funny videos for 4 hours and didn’t realize that there were several triggering points in these videos. After 4 hours I was exhausted and felt a sudden need to watch porn and fap. So, I relapsed. But I am not gonna let this one relapse stop my nofap journey. This time I am going to be more conscious and aware about my triggers.
I can still see the light on the other side of the Tunnel. Nofap is the best Decision in my Life I have ever made.
Some Benefits of My Nofap journey
- Mental clarity
- No brain fog
- Better concentration
- Enjoy the real-life interactions and nature more than before
- Confidence and self esteem increased