It’s been a year, I guess its sort of my NoFap birthday if you will. Today I can’t help but look back and remember where I was, and who I was when I first joined this site. I was just coming to terms with the fact that I have a pornography addiction; I remember how crazy it felt to even write that out the first time. I was struggling with suicidal thoughts, social anxiety, low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence. I knew deep down that I was only living out a fraction of my potential, but I didn’t seem to have the key to unlocking it. I was watching porn maybe 4-6 days/week, sometimes for hours upon hours, late into the night. I was so good at disconnecting myself from my porn usage that it didn’t even feel like a part of the real me…even though I knew deep down that it was destructive. And after stumbling upon this forum I realized what a crutch porn was for me, and how I had been using it for years as an escape from all my problems, insecurities and fears.
And so, I took the first step.
I’ve accomplished so much over the past year. I never thought I’d make it past 30 days, and here I am at 75 days clean. I started my career, started my own business, gained over 20 lbs of muscle, played hockey at a higher level than I ever have, started to develop a sense of pride in myself, learned to assert myself, drastically reduced my social anxiety, developed mental clarity, refreshed the way I look at and interact with women, traveled to the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans, and developed a sense of confidence. My whole life I’ve seen myself as being different than other people; as always being on the outside looking in, seeing all these admirable traits, but never feeling like I could develop them for myself. Yet, for the first time, I’m feeling at peace with who I am, and celebrate the ways that I differ from others. And the grand realization that everyone is different in their own way, and therefore I’m not so unlike everyone else. It took the removal of my secret, shameful second life as a porn user to realize this.
I think the biggest thing is I’m feeling freer. I don’t have a dirty secret anymore. I don’t get nervous when people borrow my phone or my computer. And I feel like I have every reason to be proud in this incredible accomplishment.
Not everything has been perfect, and there have been a lot of struggles along the way. And I definitely have more work to do. There is still a gap in my life…more space in the massive hole pornography left in it’s wake that needs to be filled. And so, the fight continues. There is much work to be done. Much has been completed, yes, and for that I’m thankful. But I refuse to make the mistake of thinking that this is a project with an expiration date. Tomorrow is another day, with opportunities…both to fail, and to succeed. But I feel like I have the power to make right choices, choices to keep me on the path of success. So tomorrow I will decide to succeed. Even if that just means getting through the day without watching pornography, then so be it. But I know I’m capable of infinitely more than that, and I owe it to myself, and to my loved ones to reach for the stars. And if you happen to be reading this, you can accomplish all this and more…you may be skeptical of the so called “superpowers”, or you may be experiencing them already. But I can PROMISE you, breaking free from this addiction will change your life forever, and for the better.
Please, please, PLEASE do not give up. It is completely worth the pain and struggle, regardless of how long it takes. Even if you feel like you can’t break free, and that this is an impossible undertaking: that is simply not true. We all have what it takes.
Let’s get this bread.
P.S. Originally I was just going to write this in my journal, but I decided to share it as a success story, even though I intend to continue with my NoFap journey. I hope it can be a motivation to all who read it. If you have any questions, or need help with anything, please leave me a message or DM. Also want to give a shoutout to all those whole helped me at any point along the way so far.