This story is bit long, but I think it could be motivate for many friends.
I was born in 1989 in south-Asia and started masturbating at the age of 10. I used to visualize girls (girls from class, elder girls of my village, movie actresses, models in newspapers) and masturbate on them. At the age of 13, I decided to quit as I knew I was not doing something right. I remember it was during FIFA world cup 2002 (Korea-Japan), I made a promise that after the final match I would quit masturbation. But all went in vain and I continued masturbating, once a day.
At the beginning of 2003, one of my classmates gave me a porn video CD, which was probably my first porn video. I continued getting more videos from other friends and it went on. In 2006 I completed my class 10 studies and left my home to the capital city of my country for higher studies.
The next four years, masturbation was a regular part of my life. Sharing porn videos in mobile phone, CDs, DVDs were very common among friends. Then I left my country for one of the Nordic countries for higher studies in late 2010. Then what next, got exposed to super-fast internet. No need of CDs, DVDs or old porn videos, rather I can excess as much porn as I want at any time. Then porn and masturbation were something that I could do whenever I had time. The next five years (till 2015), I watched porn and coupled it with masturbation. I was badly hooked with internet pornography.
During this time, I had a girlfriend (2011-2017) who came from my own country and stayed on THAT Nordic country. Deep inside my mind and heart I knew that, a loving girlfriend who will understand and make love with me, will help me to get out of this porn induced hypnotism. But things did not turn out to be as I thought. She used to love me unconditionally, no question on that but she had no interest on sex. I was so surprised how can she be like that. We were in relation for 5 years but had sex may be once or twice in a month, and even that was when I emotionally forced her. After few months of relation, I knew I would not be able to get rid of this porn-masturbation as she was not able to understand and help me. Also, I did not want to force her everytime. Upon asking, she told me she do not have any interest on sex with any gender and porn was something she hated the most. I used to think how lucky I would have been had I also got mind-set like her, free from porn and excessive sex desires. I loved her so much that I could not let her go but at the same time I was suffering a lot as she was not able to have enough sex with me. So, only way was to go back to internet porn. For my further studies, I left that country and moved to Central europe at the end of 2015. Although we were physically separated, we were in regular contact.
I discovered nofap in November 2015. At that time, I thought I will try out and help myself overcoming PMO. In January 2016, I kept myself away from all PM activities and could last only for a month. Still that was a big success for me. But I relapsed, and the frequency of PM increased again. Then I went on and off with PMO, I used to abstain myself from it for a week and on the relapsing day I would masturbate for hours. But I was regularly reading nofap.com to get more motivation and enjoyed reading many success stories. Thus in 2016, my nofap journey got started but I was not disciplined. However, I was able to slow down my PM rate by 30% – 40 %.
I knew it is not easy as I had relapsed many times. But along with that, I also knew that one day I would be able to start my final nofap journey, after which there is no return to PMO. At the beginning of 2017, me and my girlfriend decided to get married. As you know in south-Asia, parents’ permission matters a lot in case of marriages. My parents were ready, but her parents were not. They found many weaknesses in me and rejected my proposal. Me and my gf were shocked and despite a lot of talk with her parents, we were not able to convince them. Then finally a time came, when her parents asked her to choose them or me. I could see that she was internally broken in the last few months. I could see that she was at the edge of depression and any further push, either from her parents or from my side, she will fall deep into the pit of depression. Finally, I talked with her that her parents are more important to her than me. She can find any other boy like me but not her parents. Thus, with this I decided to end the relation so that she will have some time to think all about it or at least she would not have any more emotional tortures. She got married after two months with her parents’ choice and that pushed me into a dark tunnel of emotional torture. However I had a solution to escape from it, and that was to go back to PMO.
Every motivation that I had for nofap disappeared and PM, along with weed was the only way to forget anything going in my life. I went back to my country in June 2017 to visit my family which helped me a lot to overcome everything which I was going through. After I retuned back to Central Europe, things slowed down. I was back to my university studies and work, but PMO continued. I was planning to graduate from my studies in March 2018 and was also worried about my carrier and further Job after studies.
On 26th December 2017, I masturbated on internet porn for six hours. I did not regret after 6 hours of pron and masturbation. I rather felt happy as it was only method at that time for me to be happy. But after some time, I became sad as I knew deep inside me that I have potential of doing something much worth than PMO. I slept after that but when I woke up, I had a feeling that may be porn was behind all things happening on my life. Unstable relation with my girlfriend (regarding sex), her parents ignoring me completely, all the anxiety that I was having, lacking in social activities and so on so forth. Then that day, I said myself that I should choose a better life where internet PM should end, and I should get exposed to all other people and activities which I have been fearing till now. Then my final journey to nofap started on 27th December 2017.
We all know the drawbacks of regular nofap. I will write further how was my journey after I started my final nofap journey.
First week went without much problems. I had some desires, but they were not strong enough to push me back into PMO. I listened lot of songs, meditated, went to gym and tried to be mindful as much as I can to substitute PM and supply enough dopamine to my neurons. But from 13th day, my flat-line started. I started getting crazy, my brain was getting bone-dry as I was not able to supply enough dopamine through other activities. The only way I could see at that time was to go back to PMO. But then I said to myself, I would rather go to a prostitute and have a human sex rather than going back to PM. On 19th day, It was too much to handle and then I went to meet a prostitute, had sex with her. The sex was very satisfying and with 19 days of no PMO, I felt 60% of my porn induced erection dysfunction was cured. In 30 minutes, 20 minutes was for massage, cuddling, talking and I was able to have hard core sex for about 10 minutes. After this, the idea of sex and porn disappeared from my mind for the next two weeks. Again on 33rd day, my desire pumped up. But I was much stronger then. I was able to tolerate the extreme desire and after few days, the desire disappeared. At that time, I was writing my master thesis. I looked so stoned at that time. My blood full of testosterone, and my mind under thesis deadline. I was not stable but somehow, I managed myself. But it was too hard mentally. I confused my mind by saying that, hey first finish your thesis and u can visit the prostitute again. That consolation somehow tricked my mind an I was able to finish my master thesis (110 pages during my flatline phase). I submitted it on 1st of March 2018. At that day, I was on 65th day of no PMO (lets ignore that one-time ejaculation with prostitute lady as I have taken it as a therapy for continuing my nofap journey).
I could feel that now I have much time for anything. The weather started getting better in Central europe, I got outside daily to spend about 1.5 hours in nearby park, which has a small forest and a lake adjacent to it. I used to go there early morning and sit in silence for an hour or so. Then I could sit for meditation and yoga and prayer in my room. At that time, I had not got a chance to see how much changes have had happened to me. But on my thesis presentation days (two presentations, once in my university and once in the company where I did my research), I realised I have so much energy and my confidence were surging high. I was not anxious, I did not panic, my voice was deeper, and my presenting skills were awesome. I am still so proud of myself that I gave presentation in front of more than 20 German Scientists in full relaxed way. I got good feedback and passed my masters with flying colours. And you know what, I was offered a research student job right after my presentation in my university.
One day I was returning from my friend house to my room (takes around 15 minutes total on foot and by bus), it was around 9 pm, and roughly on 70th day of my nofap journey. A girl said hi to me in the bus station. This has never happened to me before, a random girl trying to talk. I replied hi and bus was already there, so we boarded the bus and sat together, adjacent to each other. In about 4 minutes of bus journey, we were able to share each other names, and information on university, house, family, work and exchanged phone number. We got down at the same place and hugged before we moved our own way. Oh man, I did not believe what happened in the last five minutes. This has never ever happened before as I was very shy and did not want to be in public. But I knew It was because of the nofap. For some readers, such thing must have happened many times, but for me it was something that had not happened before.
But I was still on my flatline phase I guess. The sex desire was flooding sometimes, and I would take a cold shower, or go to a walk to distract myself, but my willpower had grown so much that I could easily say no to porn and masturbation. Today on 18th April 2018, I am no my 114th day. On 113th day, I met few of my university friends and you won’t believe what happened. In previous gatherings, I used to be a part of group, a guy in the cornor listening to talks but yesterday I was the leader. Everyone was listening to me very keenly on any topic that I raised. So, Today I got this motivation to share my story. I wanted to write this story on 90th day but I was busy with some other stuffs.
You won’t believe but after nofap journey one of my friends from the Nordic countries where I was before, wanted to start a engineering consultancy company with me and gave me 50 percent share of it. We have a plan to have a small project worth 200k euros, to be launched in a year. Both of us are working on it currently. Also, I started an online company in my country, and currently I am working on 2 different online projects. One is too complicated to explain here so I am not explaining it. The second one is school level online courses for students. I have a plan to release it in 4 months and then if it works well I will continue these two online projects with an extra engineering projects in future and will of course add many other online courses after that.
All the motivation for completing my thesis on time, giving presentation without any traces of nervousness, being more social with friends, not getting anxious with any girls, and to start two different companies with three projects where already 12 people have started working, part time work in university as a research assistant, learning piano, spending at least an hour in forest, regular yoga and meditation, correct diet with cold showers, positive thinking mindset, getting more social etc, all these things have happened to me since I started nofap journey seriously. I cannot say “this is not because of nofap”. Indeed, it is. I have never had more confidence and clear vision before.
I will write again in few months. I hope many incidences in this story also coincide with yours. If you are reading this as a part of your nofap journey, then trust me, you are in right path. I was there at your feet, confused and craving for motivation. But believe me, you will succeed. It is just a matter of time and your effort. I wish you good luck and pray to God to help each one of us who are trying to change our destiny.
Please pray for me as well. My nofap journey is still going on. And wish me good luck for my online projects.
You can look into the attached screenshot of my journey.
Thank you guys.