Hello rebooters, this is Pete, 28 years old. Lurker in the forum for some time now, but I decided to share my story. I am a PMO addict, for at least 10 years. I consider myself to be a severe case, particularly because of a very bad escalation over the last years, and also addiction 10+ years before any real intercourse.
This is a summary of my PMO timeline:
- Slight PMO habits 15 – 18y (2-3 times per week, up to 20 min/session, no highspeed internet P)
- Heavy PMO habits 18 – 22y (hello high speed internet P, bye bye MW, up to 1h sessions, every day, erections start getting worse, video game addiction comes in as well)
- Very heavy PMO habits 22-28 y (sessions up to 3h, edging every time, could not maintain erection during P use, PMO 4 times a day -even more sometimes-, every day of course, escalated to some really wrong stuff)
Amidst all this chaos that I caused to my life with PMO, I somehow managed to do pretty well on my studies. At 25y I landed a job that paid really well and presented great room for personal growth, however requiring immense amounts of effort, stress and time. That did not work well with my PMO problems. I would spend the couple of hours of daily free time that my job left me for PMO. Sleep, work, PMO, repeat. No time to even think of escaping this damn circle.
But the newfound status, success and not-so-horrible looks did draw the attention of women, so through a series of events that I cannot at this moment judge as bad or good luck, I tried to have sex for the first time at 28 years old, with a girl I liked for several months (let’s call her Mary). Well guess what PIED had to say about this… NO erection at all. All the passion and attraction I felt for her was there in my mind, but nothing translated to where it should have…
Mary was pretty cool about it though, but I know that it hurt her. It also confused the hell out of her, since I was otherwise pretty passionate with her. We continue to try, and I do give her pleasure through other means of sex, but it is very difficult for me to penetrate & orgasm. This causes her to feel guilt, since it feels like she uses me. We are attempting to find a balance in this relationship, and have many other unrelated problems, but the PIED definitely does not help.
Following these days, in which I feel devastated and defeated, I came to the realization that PMO is just not an option for me anymore. It is over. For the last years, I understood that P had become a problem for me. However, I misled myself to believe I would somehow get over this “with time”. It was all a fallacy. A trick played to me by my addicted brain to keep me fixed in this downward spiral. And it had to come to this for me to really get it.. Actually being with a girl and nothing working..
I have brought this on myself..
I am now at day 36 of no PMO, with one O in day 33. I still have a long way to go, given my 10 years of heavy addiction, and also being addicted so long before any real intimate relationship, but I have been noticing benefits.
- After some more unsuccessful attempts at penetrative sex, the situation got a bit better. I did manage to penetrate for approx. 5 minutes. Not the best of erections but it did work, and also with a condom… It was a significant boost to my confidence and the whole sex experience was great that day. This happened on day 33 of no PMO. It may have been the longest erection I have maintained in 10 years… Yeah it has gotten that bad.. I have also opened up to Mary about the problems of P, and while it took some time for her to resonate with the whole topic, she seems to understand.
- Before starting the reboot, strong and lengthy erections were really out of the question, even during P use. Now, I can achieve an erection by touch alone, and even reach 100% though it is still difficult to maintain (a couple of minutes max). also, for it to happen I need to be touching myself veery slowly and in a specific way. Just a note: Since I know the questions for “is it PIED?” suggest trying non-P erections and if it succeeds, it is not PIED – I have tried exactly the same thing on full PMO mode, as well as 3 days PMO-free (my once longest streak), and it utterly failed. So, I believe it is my few days of reboot causing this change.
- Haven’t had MW for at least 13 years. And I mean ZERO MW, every day. For 3-4 days within the first 36 days of no PMO I had a solid 80 % MW. These actually came about since day 20ish, but I do not have them every day.
- Found motivation to spend my (still little) free time hitting the gym, and also completely cut off video games.
- I do have P flashbacks and urges, really severe at times. The fact that the prospect of real sex is possible really helps with addressing them. But it’s gonna be a real struggle if it goes bad with Mary, at least in the short term, since my psychology is gonna take a hit…
- Larger penis size in flaccid mode (happened from very early on – day 20ish- and has maintained since).
- Social anxiety has been reduced tremendously.
As of now, my situation seems to be getting better. Even thinking about a tiny bit of penetrative sex on as early as day 33 seemed like an impossibility on day 1, but abstaining from PMO has been an immense help. However, I might still not have hit the flatline, and all the withdrawal symptoms may be just waiting for me up ahead. I hope to be bringing good news in my journal updates.
I wish the best to all of you. Our bad luck and our even worse life choices have put us up with a uniquely sinister enemy. But we can beat this.
The past days were a huge milestone.
In the days of my vacation, I woke up with stable 100% MW every day. This had not happened for at least 13 years. Thrilled to have this back, felt like a teen once again!
Vacation went pretty smoothly. Did have P flashbacks and urges, severe at times, but controlled everything. My so texted me many times and in a quite passionate manner. Therefore, seeing that the no contact and distancing thing had been thrown out the window, upon returning from vacation, I visited her place, and we had, well.. actual sex.
Right after entering her house it starts lol.. PIV sex for 20 min with condom use, 2 O’s, and tried quite a few stances. No world records there, but it is immense progress for me. The whole experience had so much passion and connection.
Erections were getting weaker at some points I have to admit, especially in the more demanding stances. Also had to “prepare” a 100% erection with my touch before penetrating, since I still do not respond fully to a woman’s touch. No need to be a perfectionist at this point though.. For the largest part of PIV I was at 80-100%. Received quite many BJs and kept erections. Much work to be done in terms of retrieving full sensitivity, but I am getting there! I really felt things in my penis this time when penetrating.
It is just incredible. Somewhere like 2 months ago erections were impossible even with the most extreme P. I feel like a whole new person.
I am so thankful that this happened as early as day 66, given my long and embarrassing track record with PMO, my nonexistent experience with women, and also considering that other people need many months off PMO to have successful PIV sex.
Fighting the urges and staying off P paid off. The understanding and patience from my so was also a very crucial point.
Day 1. No erection at all, embarrassment, despair
Day 33. Semi successful PIV sex, sensitivity starts to return, confidence starts to rise
Day 66. Successful, passionate, PIV sex.
Notice that the days weirdly align lol.
A 70 % MW today, that did not last for long.. probably I am spent from yesterdays deeds.. Libido and urges have been reduced considerably. Maybe a mini flatline awaits? Going about my day doing productive things. Brought back from the dead my 3D printer, which has not been used for 2 years. An interesting hobby which I killed because of my PMO outplacing every single positive habit in my life.
So, the no PMO journey continues for me, there is still a lot of ground to be covered. Hope that I will be given many more opportunities to rewire. If so, I am very optimistic for a full recovery soon!