This is my first attempt at No Fap, I hope my story inspires individuals struggling with this addiction. Like many here, I got hooked to PMO in my teenage years, the generic build up from skinemax flicks to hardcore porn. Somehow, I was able to maintain a balanced life and have regular social interactions, despite my porn usage; Or was I?
I was in denial about how severe my addiction was, being a “functioning” adult made me believe I could juggle a healthy relationship with porn and other individuals.
As the years went by, my reliance on porn grew stronger and I lost the ability to fully commit to any relationship. I hit rock bottom 2015-17 when I started to grow a personal database of personally selected scenes, a collection well over 4TB.
My reliance on real women for sexual gratification significantly reduced, I was dating but I had little desire to escalate sexually; I had my porn stash to fall back on, this was easier than initiating real sex.
Fast forward to 2017, I fell hard for this girl and for the first time in years I went after a woman, actively. We dated for a couple of months, still hooked on porn and no hesitation to take the relationship to the next level, even though we had mutual love for each other and I desired her in every way you can think of.
I tried to cut down the porn to be more intimate with her but it was really difficult to at the time, the motivation was just not there and I failed repeatedly.
She finally did the escalating and the scene was set for us, absolutely gorgeous woman, naked, stunning, in my arms, everything I thought she’d be. She was ready, I wasn’t (as many of you know how it goes… limp dikzit!). Most embarrassing moment of my life; I could see the disappointment in her eyes as much as she tried to hide it, it hurt me that I could not be give her the level of intimacy she craved.
I hadn’t used my penis in over a year and had no clue what was wrong with me. I did not sleep that night and after googling symptoms, I found out about the dreaded PIED and the NoFap subreddit. MOTIVATION FOUND, I had to rewire my brain as my junk only responded to porn.
This was my motivation to quit and I have not looked back. It started out as me wanting to get rid of my addiction to have a healthy, fulfilling relationship with my girl; it has now evolved to me growing as a person.
I have so much more energy these days, I exercise regularly, I’m able to sleep without rubbing one out. PIED traits are also gone, I no longer need porn to get hard, pecks from the right one are enough to get me going. Morning wood is back and I had a wet dream around the 44/45 day mark, remarkable AF.
The urges do come up sometimes as there are triggers everywhere, however, going 90 days has done wonders to my will power. I am able to disengage as soon as I see triggering content and I now only desire real sexual contact with real women.
I deleted all of my 4+ TB porn stash and I can now levitate.
I have since shared this with my girl and she has really been supportive.
The superpowers you all speak about are real brethren, my theory is that they are attributes we lost to PMO. I don’t intend to lose them again. The flatline is real as well and withdrawal symptoms are from hell.
I appreciate you all for your posts and encouragement, please feel free to ask questions about my journey.
Stay strong everyone!
Just turned 28.
LINK – 90 days clean – a “short” story