I am 29yo male who has been PMOing since at least the age of 14. I discovered noFap in the wake of my last break up roughly 5-6 years ago. At the time I was jerking it regularly 3-5 times a day to deal with the pain of my lost relationship, my failure to get a job or into grad school following college, and a general inability to attract anyone worth anything into my life.
I felt like a loser. When I discovered this sub I felt like I had discovered the true cause to all of my problems. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I struggled on and off over the previous years, thinking that cutting back on PMO that I could magically cure all the other problems in my life. I did complete several long streaks at the time the longest being the recommended 90 days (which happened almost 4 years ago). But I wasn’t any closer to fixing all the things that made me feel bad about myself.
What I didn’t notice was every time I’d go on a long streak, I’d get into this self improvement mindset that would slowly and incrementally push me in the right direction. I started working out more regularly, meditating occasionally, apply for jobs and for grad school, eventually getting both things. I’d sporadically ask girls out on dates, but nothing of substance.
I actually failed my second semester of grad school which coincided with my 90 day streak. I couldn’t believe it. I thought I was doing everything right at the time and I failed at the one thing I needed to go right in my life. It was in the wake of that failure that I gave up on nofap. I decided to focus my energy on school, working out, and all the tangible things I wanted out of life.
For the most part it worked. I passed that exam on my second attempt. I got into better shape. I ignored girls for the time, focusing on the things that mattered. Learning how to succeed in the adult world. And it worked! Several years passed, and while I was still PMOing, my life was way better. Girls took an interest in me. I was a commodity now.
However, all that PMOing did leave me deficient in one very important area, my boner. In the interim period, several girls showed and interest in me and wanted to have sex. On at least 3 different occasions, with 3 different women, I was unable to have a boner with women who I had a mutual attraction with. Unbelievable. I did all the stuff right, but I couldn’t show up for the most important part. I was so ashamed of myself.
So last year, I resolved to fix this issue once and for all. I can’t be the man I want to be if I can’t have sex with a woman who I am attracted to. I had several long streaks of up to 2 months long, but I would eventually succumb to the desire of pornography. It had been my only sex life for so long I couldn’t bear to part with it.
I started meditating for 15 minutes everyday while going through my on and off phase of nofap. Something amazing happened last summer. I just became more patient. I was more willing to cut myself slack. I think the meditation is a big part of that. I wouldn’t get so mad at myself for breaking a streak with PMO. I would just be like “ok, it happened, you know this needs to stop, theres no reason to beat yourself up over this”.
Then last october, I masturbated to porn for the last time. Obviously, I didn’t know it at the time, I was just looking forward. In January, I started casually seeing one girl and had my first one night stand in many years. In March, I had 2 casual relationships and another one night stand. Last month, I had a one night stand and then solidified my relationship with one girl who is now my girlfriend.
I am traveling Europe currently. Enjoying all the spectrum of relationships with women. Next month, I will graduate from grad school with a job lined up already. Life couldn’t be better.
I remember myself 6 years ago. How miserable I was. How incapable I felt. How impotent. How different things are now.
My advice to you all: Go out and live your lives. Go dare great things, live with the failures, but learn the lessons you must. NoFap will not solve any of your problems except one, but I imagine that your problems are more than just that one. It will solve your boner problems, but you will succumb back into pornography and masturbation if your life is not headed in the right direction. Really think about your problems. Design solutions for the problem at hand, not anything else. You will eventually find yourself where you want to be.