Since May 2017 I’ve been wishing to write this. Now I am, and it feels good. I’m hoping that like myself, others will see this to embolden themselves with the fact that things WILL get better. You WILL get through this. You WILL recover your sexual potency. You need to believe in your body. I have a medical background (physician), and so I come at this from a distinct angle.
Anyway, here is my story.
I’ve been masturbating since I was 14. It started off once a day then became as much as 4-5x a day. I was very shy growing up, my parents were strict (not THAT strict but sometimes made me feel like ok when do I leave for college lol). I started off watching Lifetime movies, and then I began to graduate if you will. Once Lifetime kissing/sex scenes were too dull, I started watching rated R movies, iFC, Sundance films, nudity. Then that was boring. Then came HBO. Then that was boring. Then came soft-core HBO movies. Then that was boring.
I started looking online, watching 5 min soft-core porn. Then like 6 years ago I watched a mix of hardcore and well choreographed soft-core movies with 25-30 min long sex scenes. And I’m not gonna lie…it felt GREAT. I must have masturbated a billion times since age 14. Literally a billion times.
I didn’t care to get a girlfriend because I had the hottest girls on my fingertips. Sure I had dates, sex, here and there for the last 4-5 yrs, but I loved my porn. I thought I could do this forever. And it wasn’t just for the hot girls…it helped me focus. Medical school is hard to get into, and masturbating to porn was a great sleep aid lol. During med school itself I could focus so much because I wouldn’t get horny while studying if I masturbated lots of times.
I’ve always wanted to stop masturbating because I know that too much of a good thing is bad. But I couldn’t!!! It was too good. Plus all the literature I saw at the time said that masturbating is good. It prevents the onset of prostate cancer they said. Although that may be true, desensitization CAN occur. All was good until BOOM. May 2017. I’ll never forget it.
After a masturbation session May 2017, I just didn’t recover. It usually takes me a couple days before I’m horny as hell again. But even 1 day without masturbating makes me horny enough to masturbate a good load again. But May 2017 was weird. It was different. One day. 2 days. A week. 2 weeks. NOTHING. I wasn’t horny. No libido. No morning wood. I panicked. I panicked so much that I would masturbate every 3 days or so, maybe I can masturbate my penis into correction. Nope. Nothing.
It’s interesting because I broke up w/my gf 5 months prior to this, and I’d been talking to another girl. In June, I met up with the chick I was talking to, super attractive. Omw to her hotel I was omg what if…?? But I was like no way, I’m good. We got physical. Nothing. My little guy was dead. This has NEVER happened to me before. Sure oral could get it up, but for like 5 seconds. But I couldn’t penetrate. Zero. I felt sooooo bad. She was nice enough to say that she wanted us to keep talking.
At that moment, I knew I had to change. I lost 15 lbs, took TONS of supplements, cold showers, meditation, etc etc etc. My penis was on my mind all day every day. I, of all people, had ED. Unbelievable. I remember all the previous chicks I was with saying how good I was. It hit me like death. I was depressed. I cried often (and I never cry), and I wasn’t myself. I saw a therapist. My appt for my urologist was 3 months later which was so asinine but I digress.
Fast forward to last month. I had been applying the nofap strategies. And it had been working but then I would relapse every 2-3 weeks or so. My penis was dead most days. Long flatlines.
I resorted to tadalafil to have sex. Tadalafil worked like 50% of the time, and when it did it would only last like 5 min with the chick I was seeing. In my mind I’m like will I need a penile implant?? So many things were entering my head. The chick and I were fighting more and more often, and I realized that she didn’t wanna be serious with me (aka be in a relationship). There’s a lot of stuff we just didn’t see eye to eye in, so we’ve stayed in the friend zone. Whatever.
During this time, my ex of 1.5 yrs and I had been talking. So we decided to get back together about 3 weeks ago. I had the greatest sex ever lol. Lasted 40 min! It was as if NOTHING ever happened. As if there was no 7 months of ED. Amazing amazing amazing.
Moral of the story is nofap works. STOP masturbating, STOP using porn. Your penis WILL recover. Try not to relapse…it will delay your recovery. Also understand that much of ED can be the MIND (my urologist told me this. Doc, you were right). I understand now that it’s not just a physical attraction that matters to everyone. Both my ex (now current gf) and the chick are hot. But I was able to connect with my gf on an emotional level that I just couldn’t with the chick. Can that affect performance? Absolutely. Look at her mannerisms. How she treats you. How she loves you. That’s what matters.
After my rendezvous (lol) w/my gf I’ve had morning wood daily, libido is back, penis sensitivity returned. I’m just as good as I was before. It took me 7 months (with relapses), but it varies. Stay strong.
I was just like you who is reading this now – look at all these bros talking about success stories can this POSSIBLY happen to me? The answer is yes. Our brains change all the time. Nerves take time to heal, but they do. Keep your mind away from your penis. Your penis doesn’t need you to think about it…it has developed well without your help all this time. Girls don’t care about your size. That was a stupid man-made concept that has ingrained our minds. Be good men, and make yourselves better. You will heal, just like I did. God bless and Happy New Year.