I finally did it after many, many, maaaaaany tries. I think I finally understand what´s the only way to do it (for me), and I want to share it with you all.
I´m 26 years old and I´ve doing PMO since 12 or 13. And I mean HARD PMO, I mean hours and hours per day. One time I tried to calculate how much time did I waste watching porn in all those years (adding all the estimate hours was shocking) and the result was… almost a year of my life. A HOLE REAL YEAR.
Anyway, the lack of social life and anxiety caused by PMO it´s known by everyone, so it´s no surprise that I didn´t realise that I have a problem until 20 or 21, when I finally started some small dating life. Long story short… I couldn´t get hard. And even if I took a boner pill I couldn´t orgasm. Sex just wasn´t that exciting, there was no comparison with porn. Then I learned of NoFap and the addiction that is PMO, it´s funny that I never even consider that I had and addiction until that moment. Since then I tried many times to leave it and many different strategies: abstaining from PMO for a week to achieve a minimum success on sex; abstaining from porn but masturbating once a week (I´ve lasted 4 months with that one but then relapsed on vacations); trying to switch to a more “normal and light” porn , etc. It took me years of trying and leaving it and slowly I started to feel really guilty and depressed every time I PMO, I couldn´t stop associating PMO with almost all the bad things in my life… and I was right:
- Unhealthy body
- Lack of energy
- Lack of ambitions and objectives
- Lack of time (so much time wasted)
- Almost no sex life
- Never had a girlfriend or been with the same girl more than 2 o 3 times
- Passive, unwilling to step out of my comfort zone
- Nice Guy syndrome
Basically all the things that I didn´t want in my file. So it took me years but I finally did a full 90 days reboot and here´s how I did it:
- No Half Decisions. I realised that one of the main factors that made me relapse was that even if I tried to abstain from porn and masturbation I allowed myself to fantasy. For me, any erotic tough that I allowed to “live” sooner or later will lead me to a relapse. And I allowed it to “live” in two ways: the normal urges that pop up time to time and when I did my Jelqing exercises (now I do it without a single erotic though since I don´t have a problem getting an erection with simple touch). So I decided that I wouldn´t let ANY EROTIC THOUGHT of any kind prosper: I “kill” it at the moment by thinking the most grotesque and ugly things that I can imagine without a single exception. There is no other way for me.
- Don´t make it more difficult than it has to be. I´ve studied many books on the field of habits (highly recommend “The Compound Effect” and “Atomic Habits”) Every good or bad habit can be segmented in 4 elements, and it´s easy to hack every part of it to help you gain or lose an habit (even addictions). If you can´t gain or lose an habit, you are not the problem, the problem it´s the system that you are using. You have to make it difficult to keep the bad habit by: A) Reducing exposure and signals from your environment (don´t watch movies, shows, anime, etc., that have erotic content in it. Even videogames. Drop social networks, wich is another addiction and a waste of time). B) Making it unpleasant (for example “killing” any though with unpleasant images AND keep awareness about the toxic consequences of PMO). C) Making it difficult to happen (keeping a busy life, acquiring good habits little by little, exercising, having routines, getting out of the house, etc. Getting out fast of bed and only going to tired and without cellphone). D) Rewarding yourself (I used a NoFap tracking app that encouraged me to keep the strike and planned rewards for every 15 days like clothes, new blue cut glasses, gym equipment, a tattoo at day 90 with is the most significant for me).
So in synthesis:
- Change your environment and “Kill” any erotic though, no matter the temptation
- Use a NoFap tracking app (I use Men Don´t Fap)
- PLAN REWARDS FOR YOURSELF. Also I had a tattoo with a deep meaning for my 90 days mark.
- Gain new good habits LITTLE BY LITTLE, otherwise it´s likely that they won´t stuck up since they are not part of your identity YET.
- Visualize the life that you want and work hard to get it. Picture the kind of man that would had such a life and work to become that man, so you can do more of what you like and less of what you don´t like.
- Recognize other addictions in your life and drop them as well. Change your inner words: it´s not “I´m trying to stop smoking”, it´s “I don´t smoke”. It´s a decision that you have made so make it part of your identity.
- And for the love of god sleep 8 hours, don´t make it hard for your body and mind
- Books: The Compound Effect, Atomic Habits, Why We Sleep?, Digital Minimalism, Deep Work, Juliet School of Possibilities, No More Mr. Nice Guy!
Sorry for the long post. My life changed COMPLETELY in both personal and professional matters. I now have more energy, more time, I´m more focussed, more confident, more healthy, more attractive and I know what I want and I work towards that. So I hope that all of you leave this toxic addiction and start living your lives at it´s fullest!
PD: I had 4 or 5 wet dreams during the 90 days, so don´t worry about potential problems of semen retention. Also I didn´t have sex since I don´t feel comfortable meeting a new girl and having sex right now (COVID-19). I´ll keep this way for a couple of months more, but I know that when I finally have sex it would be a hole new experience.