Once again i write here after a long time, only this time it won’t be about having reached a certain amount of days but rather to talk about the number of changes i have noticed by this point, since it’s been a bit more than a year since i embarked on the journey to be free from PMO and live a better life.
Well then, where should i begin?
For starters i haven’t used porn in any of it’s forms for a long time. I’ve persevered in going to therapy for over a year, i started doing so initially because of PMO addiction, but ended up continuing the process for different reasons: Namely a nasty case of depression, anxiety and panic attacks (some of which would happen the moment i woke up) along with having trouble sleeping and in some days not wanting to live, as such PMO itself became the least of my worries. I cannot lie, the fight, the struggle against all of this has been perhaps the biggest challenge i have encountered during all of the process, but facing the problem head on is preferable to using an escapism method like PMO by miles. Thankfully, things have improved a lot since then, the support i got from people close to me did help a lot.
As for the changes i mention the most meaningful have been regarding the following.
– Increased confidence: This is something i truly had to work hard for and i still have a lot to improve but truth is i have more confidence in the things i do, making mistakes is a possibility i’m comfortable with, because i see it as an opportunity to keep improving and growing. So the fear of said possibility has been reduced greatly.
– Priorities set straight: In the past i would get depressed because i had no success in attaining a relationship, i was rather desperate to get into one not realizing i wasn’t setting my priorities right. While i am now comfortable with the prospect of a relationship the truth is i am more concerned with solving other important things in my life, like keep getting better at what i do and invest time in things i’m passionate about and being more confident.
– Discipline: I am now more willing to do things i may not be completely willing to do, namely stepping out of comfort and get stuff done.
– Resilience: Use of mental filters whenever depression wants to strike for the same reason it has been known by me to happen. Like i said, even if it involves more of an effort I’d rather resort to this than PMO or any self destructive behaviour.
And these have been overall the major changes I’ve seen after a bit of more than a year of Nofap. It’s true that i’ve had to reset the counter a number of times, farthest I’ve gone is a bit more than 120 days which I hope to surpass with enough dedication, but all of this time fighting has sure yielded results. And while streaks are all good and something to be recognized as it takes effort and discipline, what really matters is what you learned during the journey. One may have achieved over 700 days, but if nothing has been learned then it’s been in vain and not much will have changed, missing the whole point of this.
I still have a lot of work to do, things which need solving, mindsets which need changing, especially concerning relationships. But for the time being I’m happy with what i have achieved. I hope in time I’ll do more than surpassing my highest streak until now.
That would be all for now.
Der Kampf geht weiter.