SHORT VERSION:
NoFap is 100% worth doing. There have been huge benefits for myself, including: transformed relationships, more happiness, more discipline, self-esteem, and a sense of freedom and ease from knowing I’m not addicted anymore.
THE LONG VERSION:
I grew up very isolated, in a family that was as religious as it was broken. My dad was absent, and I never learned the skills of being a man such as grit, tenacity, sticktoitiveness, ambition, and the willingness to put up a fight when it counts.
I recently turned 30, and my usual way of living has been to hide away from the world. I have been bullied, passive, meek and lazy. I believed that any form of ambition or drive or desire is part of the problem, a quality of tyrannical bullies, and must be subdued. I could never ask for what I want. And I felt bad to even have any needs at all. If my needs somehow conflicted with yours, I pretended that I didn’t have them. I have been a late bloomer, who is always yet to bloom.
Needless to say, this kind of person will not thrive in the world. And I haven’t. The best I could do was retreat into my private safe place, and PMO. Despite hating that too, despite loathing myself, it was how I kept going. It was how I coped with a life I don’t want to be in.
The trouble is that eventually, PMO doesn’t even feel good anymore. At some point, I needed it to just be OK. And I had no energy, no drive, no ambition. No goals. No need to become someone who can win over a girl, or have a mission, or accomplish something.
Cutting off PMO is my way of forcing myself to be better. I have no other options now.
As you can tell, PMO is not really the problem here. The real problem is unresolved issues. The real problem is a lack of discipline. The real problem is not having masculinity. The real problem is being weak. Undisciplined. Lazy. Lacking imagination. Being unwilling. Being dishonest. And all the while having this awful veneer of arrogance to protect myself from any trace of self-awareness.
Today I am 70 days clean of PMO, and still very much a mess. But I have some peace, and I am no longer avoiding the real issues. And I can work on them, rather than pretend they don’t exist.
I am doing this by attending 12 step meetings everyday, and taking the suggestions they give.
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