Hello all! I have been working hard and patiently waiting to post in the successes thread. I want to give hope to everyone that healing is possible, because the success stories at a few points were the only thing that kept me going and motivated. Last night I had sex, twice, without the use of any ED pills or fantasy.
Today is officially 150 days since I last PMOd. I have M’d 2 times early into the reboot and both times I felt massively disappointed in myself. My fiancé and I have fooled around a handful of times and I have had sex 3 times in the reboot with the aid of ED pills. I have not Od in nearly 5 weeks before this.
I am 31 years old, in a 3 year relationship and have used PMO every day, multiple times a day, since 12 years old. before my reboot I could no longer get hard at all with my fiancé, and have struggled with ED with multiple partners and hookups (but had successful sex for years before total ED with partners). I could not get hard without porn, and if I stopped jerking off it would immediately go away. My porn tastes had escalated to porn that did not match my sexual preference, and I was edging to keep up the rush. I have been in a flatline for months.
Am I totally healed? I do not think so. I would say I am about 65%, finally over the middle hump of my recovery and am starting to get to experience the benefits of my new lifestyle. These benefits are not just sexual, but mainly psychological.
It sort of caught me off guard, partly because our sexual relationship has been hurt by my inability to perform most of the last times we have tried, and I had developed bad performance anxiety. We started making out after having an amazing time out last night after we both got off work, and moved into foreplay. I focused on her for a few minutes and finally felt myself in the moment, focusing on her breathing and her skin and I could just tell I was ready.
But this time even though the usual thoughts of failure were there, my erection remained, and as soon as I penetrated I was as hard as I could possibly be, like before all of this. I had been struggling with some PE in our previous fool arounds, but everything worked great, and I only needed about 20 minutes before I was ready to go again, and my erection came instantly when my lady asked if I was interested in round two.
I will continue on the path, this lifestyle of no PMO is now engrained within my paradigm, and I will never go back. I will continue to update every 30 days or so about if I re-enter flatlines, my mental well being and how I have reintroduced sex and my functioning’s with my partner. Thank you to this community for being the light in the night giving me hope.
I want to share the post that changed the way I viewed sex and my recovery. The reboot does not mean abstinence. You must rebuild yourself, not just stop doing PMO. I am not a perfect person, but I am learning to view sex in a healthy way, and am excited to share this with my soon to be wife, who is excited as well for my recovery and appreciates my new outlook. I owe a lot of my mindset change to this post, and have continuously gone back to it in times of struggle. Read this to bring your reboot to the level it needs to be in order to create permanent change.
Link – https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/too…my-thoughts-on-rebooting-extremely-long-post/
Link to original post – 150 day report – Huge Gains