So it turns out that this whole thing is indeed possible. Need encouragement? Feel free to ask me anything. Bit of background to set the scene:
- Not gonna bother with a throwaway account, because I honestly believe that transparency, openness and humility was the number one factor in getting clean.
- I’m 32.
- M has been a problem since I can remember – so since age 3 or 4.
- Introduced to P around the age of 12. Didn’t really like it at first, but as I’m sure almost all of you will attest, it’s a slippery slope and it draws you in over time.
- This is the longest I’ve gone without PM in my life. I’ve had two previous good streaks (former record I didn’t count but was probably around 8 months). Went back to it for no better reason than curiosity really. Won’t be doing that again!
- I am PM free but not O, because on day 117 I had my first sexual experience with a woman, and on day 137 I formally lost my virginity.
- I have the best girlfriend in the world, and yes, she knows EVERYTHING. Even the most shameful kinks of what I have looked at, imagined and jerked off to in my past. And I won’t go into specifics, but trust me, in my case, some of those were devastating to admit to her. But I admitted them PRIOR to starting a relationship, which I think was a good choice.
- Blue balls is a bitch.
- My sex life is amazing, but it took a few months to overcome the porn-induced ED symptoms.
- I am religious (less so than I used to be) and I am grateful for what part that has played in my recovery, but I haven’t done this through any sort of “spiritual” practices beyond an initial prayer of repentance on day 0; just basic life skills, psychology and discipline, and I believe that on Reddit, the members of the secular nofap board often post about better successes than those on the subreddit specifically for members of my faith. Which is a bit of a challenge to my faith, but let’s not talk religion here.
I want to encourage you all that, if you maintain a state of mindfulness and self-awareness, if you connect with people deeply, and if you find something bigger to live for, this battle is possible. And, better still, it gets easier over time.
My girlfriend asked if I wanted to celebrate one-year clean, and we ended up not doing anything because I didn’t feel like celebrating – I just felt, “Meh, this is just who I am now. No big deal.” I say that because I don’t want comments patting me on the back. I just want to be able to give you hope and share my experiences for those who are struggling.
So… any questions? Any advice you’d like? I’ll reply over the next few days (can’t guarantee speedy responses because of other things going on in life). Ask me anything. I’ll answer as much as I can without getting into potential triggers.
Keep it up, fapstronauts. It’s possible.