Age 33 – Developed PIED in my late twenties/early thirties

I feel like what I have been through is a story of hope for anyone anywhere! I went from being a virgin who developed PIED in his late twenties/early thirties to porn- and largely-PIED-free!I was really conservative in high school, college and post-college. The communities I was in then reinforced what they called “purity” or “chastity” but was actually a teaching that physical intimacy for unmarried people was “bad” or “dirty”. In my mid-twenties I became agnostic which allowed me to reject those ideas about physical intimacy, but also let me more off the hook when it came to porn use. Basically I was no longer accountable to anyone.Though I had had a girlfriend in high school, my sex life was essentially non-existent before developing PIED. Due largely to my sheltered upbringing (which I don’t knock entirely) I didn’t first masturbate to completion until I was nearly twenty-two! My first kiss wasn’t until I was twenty-six. And it wasn’t until I was thirty that I first received oral sex. I say all this to underscore how late and little sexual activity I had before developing PIED in my late twenties/going into my thirties.

So it wasn’t until my late twenties that I started to regularly use porn. From the ages of roughly twenty-seven to thirty-one I used porn an average of three to four times a week (maybe five to six towards the end) for ten to twenty minutes at a time. It was during this time that I conditioned myself to respond sexually only to internet video porn. While I was able to perform on demand for that oral experience when I was thirty, I’m sure my mind was already beginning to rewire to porn. About a year and some months later, I noticed I had stopped getting spontaneous erections and was having arousal problems when with women in intimate situations. It was around this time as I was searching for answers that I learned about PIED and began my own no-PMO journey. Unfortunately the timing coincided with a painful rejection by a woman after an unsuccessful liaison.

The gravity of what I had done to myself through my own decisions and habits nearly broke me. I spiraled into depression and insomnia, losing ten pounds in a month. My greatest aspirations in life were a spouse, a healthy sex life, and eventually kids and I thought at thirty-one I had ruined those chances for the rest of my life. Thankfully a couple friends and my dad really helped support me through this period. Over the next several months I continued to abstain from porn and do my best to limit masturbation and orgasm. I used the time to learn about all I had to offer as a person and potential partner and to get serious about looking for quality partners.

Then surprisingly to me I met someone really fantastic through an app. And even better she had no problem joining me on my no-PMO journey! A few months in, we had had some slip ups keeping me from orgasm together, but I also started to notice some real progress. Now, another few months later, I can say that if I didn’t heal from PIED any more than I already have I would still have a very happy sex life.

I have learned so much from this process and am immensely grateful, but the main message I would have for others, besides the danger of conditioning to the false intimacy of porn, is a message of hope. If I could retrain my virgin, thirty-two year old brain from arousal to only porn to arousal to real people then I feel like anyone can!

Much thanks to Gary Wilson, Gabe Deem and Noah Church who encouraged me tremendously!


By Kichijiro