I started nofap in early Nov 2020 after discovering/accepting that I have been suffering from PIED. Since then, I’ve had a couple short streaks and one three week streak of no PMO. Between those streaks, there have been about 6-8 MO resets and 3 PMO relapses (very brief “sessions”). My last PMO relapse was on Xmas day 2020. Not even a peek since.
I recently made it to my first streak of 30 days no PMO (probably closer to 32 or so, as I don’t really like being hung up on counting exact days). Just wanted to give a progress report for any who may find it helpful/interesting. My full story is posted in the PISD section so I’ll try to keep this post strictly about my progress/observations. (Warning: I like to write so this could get long and wordy. Feel free to skip that which you don’t find important/interesting.)
Disclaimer: Right after making it past this recent 30ish day streak, I had an MO reset. I didn’t use P, though. I don’t really think it was a huge setback (mostly because of the fact that it was not even that pleasurable). However, I wouldn’t recommend it, nor do I plan on making a habit of it.
Shit I do (relevant to nofap):
- Yoga (daily)
- Meditation (daily)
- Breathwork (3-4x weekly)
- Interval training (5x weekly, full body w/ rest days)
- Cold Showers (4-5x weekly, no warm showers ever)
- Reasonably healthy diet
- Active time outdoors (with respect to our current world situation)
Almost instantly after my last PMO relapse (12-25-20), I went into a flatline. It was a really challenging challenge. It felt pretty standard to what is commonly described by most. Mood swings, depression, insomnia, brain fog, bewildered penis, toaster in the bathtub thoughts…all that shit. I found it really difficult to find motivation to do most things. I would have brief moments of inspiration/joy but they were fleeting. Speaking of fleeting, let’s talk about my boners. My boners, along with my libido, were pretty much non-existent. Thankfully, the flatline provided a period of almost zero cravings. It was awful at times but I managed. It seemed to have lasted about 21-24 days but I couldn’t be exact. I may even still be in one. It’s hard to tell sometimes.
Also worth noting, isolation due to the lingering pandemic situation has definitely had an impact on all of the mental symptoms listed above. Admittedly, I’ve been spending an unadvisable amount of time in front of a screen (netflix and youtube), which undoubtedly has a negative impact on my energy/mood/progress. However, I think it’s important to remember that socializing and achieving major lifestyle gains aren’t the easiest things to manifest in times like these. Although they’re still my prime motivation for making this change in my life, I know that trying to rush them while the world has had to hit a pause button wouldn’t be wise or fruitful. I know that I’m at the beginning of what will most likely be a lengthy recovery process, so I’m choosing to not be too hard on myself. My penis is also choosing not be hard on itself, but in more of a literal sense.
Last 10 days or so (and pretty much overall since starting nofap):
After roughly three weeks of what seemed to be a flatline (and almost three months of overall nofap mindset), I’ve been feeling much better for the last week or so. Still some shit days but they’re much more manageable. I owe much of the gains I’m experiencing to my daily decisions regarding a healthy lifestyle, but the nofap mindset and my desire to improve my PIED has helped me stay on track with those decisions. Here are some examples of some gains but I’m sure I will forget at least one:
- Noticeable increase of energy and mental clarity: I’ve noticed that I speak much more directly and feel pretty confident sharing my thoughts lately, which is something I’ve always struggled with. I’ve also been making decisions a lot more quickly. It has allowed me to enjoy more of my time doing the things I love. I get more done, rather than being paralyzed with indecisiveness and lethargy. Overall, I feel more firm. Hopefully my penis will become more inspired and feel the same.
- Healthier attraction: When in the presence of gals, I notice more of an attraction to their energy and personality, rather than just their body/looks. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that way and I can only imagine it’ll get better with time. Granted, I haven’t had much physical/animalistic response to body/looks for quite some time (not sure when my flatlines truly began). I probably have a bit more time til that gets back to normal but I’m beginning to appreciate that. I like the idea of me not being a guy who leads with my sexuality. It’s actually a huge turnoff for anyone who I would consider a healthy choice to partner up with. Even my fantasies (which I would recommend limiting if you’re here) have been oddly wholesome/realistic lately (i.e. cuddling, kissing, having fun, past memories, etc…). I’ve also noticed that I seem to draw more attention/attraction from gals in general, which is one of the nofap “benefits” I’ve been eager to experience. The attention isn’t always necessarily sexual, sometimes I just feel a genuine sense of respect and comfort. However, I’ve definitely received a lot more obvious flirting and signs of interest than I can recall in the past. The reason for that is probably that the porn fog is beginning to lift and I’m beginning to actually notice when a gal seems interested. That mental clarity also gives me the confidence to actually talk with them and just be cool rather than instantly giving hook up vibes. Overall, I feel like I’m heading in a great direction in that category.
- Lifestyle and goal improvement: I’ve been putting a lot more effort into taking care of myself, which has had incredible results. As I said earlier, the nofap mindset has helped me sustain better health/lifestyle habits (which I listed above) that I plan on keeping for life. I’ve wanted to make a lot of these changes for a long time but I never really sustained them. The nofap mindset and my desire to reboot/rewire has given me a powerful reason to truly start putting effort into loving myself and building a happy and healthy future, both physically and mentally. For example, one of my goals is to do some traveling when that kind of thing is ok again. Therefore, I’m using some of my screen time to learn some Spanish via youtube videos. I also forgot to mention that I’m starting therapy soon. That’s a big one for me and will hopefully be another game changer. Overall, I feel really good about what I’m doing with my time these days.
- MW, regular boners, libido, etc…: About a week ago (maybe more) I began feeling brief flashes of libido and arousal. I’ve been getting MW about every other day but it doesn’t last long. Sometimes almost full strength, other times half or less. Same goes for regular boners. I’ve noticed that I can get hard by fantasy alone (w/o even touching), which feels like an improvement but nothing to get hung up on or celebrate. I try to keep my fantasies relatively wholesome and realistic, but even they can lead to unhealthy cravings, which is something to avoid during a reboot. Long story short, I’ve definitely noticed some improvements but I know that I still have much to work on/look forward to. I’m pretty sure I still have PIED and will most likely experience more flatlines but I feel like I’ve gotten through the worst of it. I probably won’t feel much more report-worthy progress in this department until I begin rewiring with a partner.
- Diminishing P cravings: Since my last P relapse, I’ve actually found it relatively easy to not watch porn. I know that is rarely the case in these forums and I don’t mean to make light of it, just my personal experience. The few relapses I’ve had since I began nofap have been very brief and unsatisfying; they seemed to have come more out of frustration/depression rather than arousal. They didn’t deliver what I had hoped and the feeling that immediately followed was not one of accomplishment, to say the least. It felt awful. I’m lucky (in a way) to have a past with drug addiction (most notably heroin) which taught me a lot about self control and the lengths that I’m capable of going to get pleasure/dopamine. I learned a long time ago that “just one more time” doesn’t work for me. One is too many and a thousand is never enough. I feel pretty convinced that P is quite similar in it’s affect on the brain, so I feel somewhat well-equipped when battling cravings these days. P is already becoming a distant memory. Sure, it still pops into my head from time to time but it doesn’t grab me like it used to. Overall, the cravings are faint and diminishing by the day. That’s also how I would describe my boners while I was still using P.
Overall, I feel profoundly better than I did a few months ago. Even better than before I realized I had PIED. This has been such an eye opening experience and although it’s been extremely painful at times, I think I really needed some proper catalyst to set me back on my path. Although I know that covid is going to make rewiring a bit tricky, I’m happy that it’s at least giving me the time to implement new habits in my life. I feel that this is a very unique opportunity that I don’t want to waste. Might as well throw a wrench in life if the whole world around us is already doing that anyway. Free will is the greatest gift that we have.
Thanks for reading if you’ve made it this far. Sorry if this progress report seemed more philosophical than physical. As usual, I encourage you to ask me any specific questions you may have about my experience/lifestyle/boners that you would find specifically helpful/comforting to your situation. Or, if you would like me to elaborate on anything I’ve reported, that would grounds for questioning as well. I try to be an open book if I feel it would be of service to others. I’m also always open to tips/criticism if you notice any flaws in my thinking or approach to nofap. Just know, I personally don’t get too hung up on the rules or specific modes of nofap but I respect everyone’s understanding and practice of it. I’m just here to share my personal experience and hopefully learn from others’.
One thing I can confidently say is that it gets soooo much better after the first month. The first month was the hardest for me and I’ve read a lot of similar reports. Since then, things have just gotten better and better. Still some shit days and most likely future challenges but I feel ready. If you have the right attitude, you will begin to observe the simple things in life that are most important to you and it will make you wonder why the fuck you wasted so much time seeking hollow insta-pleasure like P. If you’re here, you obviously care about yourself enough to acknowledge that you have an issue and that you’re willing to begin taking steps to improve your situation. Every recovery looks different so my best advice is to personalize yours and make it meaningful. I don’t plan on using P anymore, even after my PIED is healed. It’s just not worth the damage that it does. I don’t plan on MOing anytime soon but mostly because last time (a couple days ago, as stated in the disclaimer) wasn’t even that pleasurable and it seems like a wiser move to just try to give my sexuality a break for a while. I have faith that it will return, probably better than it ever has been.
Can’t wait to share a rewiring success story to share with y’all sometime in the reasonably near future. Thanks again for reading and sorry if I said boners too many times. Cheers!