Today marks one year since I became porn free! I want to thank everyone here for making r/pornfree the place that it is. I never dreamed an online community could proved the affirmation, support, help, and guidance that this place does. I don’t post all that often, but I do check in quite a bit and I know I wouldn’t have made it today without this sub.
Last year, I came across this sub because a member left a link in a thread about porn. I was in some of my darkest days of porn usage: I was 33 with a wife, two kids, and an addiction to porn that I had for 20+ years. The months leading up to 10-12-17 saw me PMO more than I ever had before. I had tried to quit on my own and relapsed after a few weeks, repeatedly over a number of years. When I first arrived here, I realized that I was not alone, and it changed my life.
I knew I had to quit, for a number of reasons. And y’all helped me give voice to them and follow through. I quit because my wife deserves my best and she deserves to not be compared to a manufactured picture of desirability. I quit because I don’t want to support an industry that exploits women and men. I quit because I don’t want my daughter to be treated like a porn starlet by some asshole kid one day because he thinks porn is real and that is how sex is supposed to be. I quit because I don’t want my son to be the asshole kid to someone’s daughter. I quit because I don’t want my children to compare themselves and those they are intimate with to the false standards of porn. I want better for my children than the mistakes I made. I quit because I wanted to be past the secrets and the shame. I quit because I strive to be a Godly man who lives a life of love and goodness, not evil and destruction.
I quit porn and it was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. I quit porn and it was one of the best things I’ve ever done.
A few observations:
My wife and I are now closer than we’ve ever been in the 11 years of marriage we’ve shared together. Our new found intimacy may have begun in the bedroom when I directed all my sexual attention to her beginning a year ago, but it has overflowed into all areas of our life together. Porn robbed us of deep connection in all areas of our marriage.
My stamina during sex increased dramatically about three months into being porn free and has not abated.
I had a vasectomy a month after going porn free, and I sometimes wonder if I would have made it past my first two months without relapse if that hadn’t occurred. It’s easy not to PMO when your equipment isn’t up to the task.
I never felt the clarity of mind and increased energy some people refer to.
KNOW YOUR TRIGGERS
Know how to redirect yourself when your are triggered. For me, I focused on my wife, read, or visited this sub.
I almost relapsed multiple times between January and May because I forgot to hang onto the reasons why I quit. Visiting here helped me stay the course. But if you lose your purpose for being porn free, relapsing can be easy. You can even talk yourself into it.
Around June and July, I found that I no longer had dwelling thoughts of porn and my random urges to open a browser and PMO were few and far between. My journey has been, honestly pretty easy since then. All the reasons for quitting that I almost forgot earlier in the year seemed to be all the more at the front of my mind since then.
To everyone out there: you are not alone, you don’t have to do this alone. You can be porn free. It may sound silly, but seriously, if I can do it you can too!
I’m now at a year porn free! Thanks to r/pornfree. There are reasons for being porn free and life benefits and lessons I’ve learned. You’re not alone in porn addiction and can overcome!
LINK – One year porn free today!