It’ been a journey of ups and downs (progress is not linear) but I’ve made it to 90 days on PM mode (spouse). To be accurate it’s been 90 days of no P and only about 75 days of no M as i made a few uneducated mistakes early in my journey.
The journey has not been easy, but the price has to be paid to return to normal. A “repentance” if you will, for those of us choosing spirituality. I long for the innocence of my childhood and this is the only way to reclaim it.
Anyways benefits so far:
- Less traffic in the mind. Clearer, less images. This happened around days 65-67. The mind made many attempts to retake what I’ve gained (again, progress is not linear) but you get better at telling it to be quiet.
- Less anxiety and depression. To be blunt, they have not gone away but they no longer have the same effect as when i first started. Again, you just get better at telling your brain to be quiet. A few breathing techniques have helped. For myself, recitation of certain truths (biblical or personal truths) also help. I also meditate in the evenings (read: prayer) with songs and readings.
- Overall better confidence, better conversationalist! Am also noticing my wife more!
There’s more but I’ll move on to some of the remnants:
- Negative thoughts still pop up here and there. They are less, and again, the brain is better at shushing them but it is still annoying.
- Porn induced thoughts and images also still there from time to time. Same shushing from the brain. I’m hoping and praying that these quiet down in time. I know they will
- Exercise! I’ve been a gym rat for a while but the beginning of my reboot caused me to put exercise on hold. I’ve been sick the past few weeks but have been back to the gym since day 45!
- Avoid stimulants. This relates to exercise as well as I used to take pre workout. Certain substances in the pre-workout cause you to focus which unfortunately in my case, forced me to focus on the negative as well. I’ve given up stimulants which includes coffee (damn I miss coffee, used to have 5 sugarless cups a day!) I’ve stuck to tea
- Confess your sins to one another for healing. If you haven’t yet, find someone you love that you can speak to. For me it was my wife and eventually my parents. Its a must-there’s nothing like the love and support of a family.
Anyways, time to do some groceries! Special thanks to @weddingnails
Your story is an inspiration to a lot of us and I look forward all of us healing and returning to our factory settings!
Peace to all and a happy New Year!
LINK – 90 days!
UPDATE – 1 year clean!! No PM!!
Words cannot express how I feel!! Life has been incredibly busy with my new son, but i want to give a short schpiel to encourage those of you just starting out.
About 365 days ago, I was at day 0. It sucked big time. Walls came crashing down and i had a choice: do more PM or turn from my sins. I chose to turn my life around and it has been the best decision ever. Was it easy? No; but with the right support from my family i was able to stay true to my decision.
After a year it’s also important to keep in mind that progress is not linear. I had some good months and some rocky months; some good weeks and some bad weeks. The trend for betterness and healing remains upward as long as you stay faithful to your decision.
It’s also important to note that this journey (or battle, depends on how you view it) requires you to cultivate positive thoughts daily. For a lot of us, we experience negative intrusive thoughts, negative feelings, negative emotions, negative, negative, negative, thanks to our negative addiction/habit. It’s important to renew your mind daily. As I’ve always said in the past, the trend for improvement is upward, but the battle for your thoughts is a daily struggle. It’s important to keep your mind healthy.
For myself, i leaned into my faith and returned to my roots as a Christian. For you it might be buddhism, or Islam. For others, even atheism. Regardless of your background, one of the best weapons you have against this addiction is positivity. Make it a habit daily. Meditate, pray, read, sing, ponder, whatever; as long as you stay positive. Let me tell you thay even after a year, there are still gloomy days. There are still days when i have negative thoughts and emotions. It’s important to understand that negativity is not something that dissapears with clorox or toothpaste. You can only beat negativity by being positive.
That being said, I’d like to end this post with Philippians 4:8. You don’t have to be religious to appreciate the words and the concept:
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
PS: Celebrate! Celebrate the small victories! If you have the support of your family then make a nice dinner, or go out to a movie etc. For my wife and I we eat at a nice restaurant each month to celebrate the good and the positive. If you are single, go out with your friends. Meet new people, make new friends, connect, connect, connect! The possibilities after PMO are endless!
Your latter days shall be greater than your former days! Stay true, stay strong and move forward!