This post is a few days late, I was planning to post it on one year of anniversary of my recovery, but I got busy and then I forgot. Well, better late than never.
1 YEAR, WOW. This feels surreal when I started this journey I never imagine I can go without PM even a month and I didn’t even think about one year. But, with hard work, and it was hard, with the support of from NoFap community and most importantly with the support of @Jagliana I made to one year. I have learned so much, I have grown so much, I have changed so much and without all of those things, I wouldn’t make it to this day. I want to say thank to the NoFap community and my APs who stood by me and supported me through hard times. Of course, I want to say special thanks to my beautiful, amazing, smart wife who stood by me no matter what, through thick and thin, when she didn’t have to do that. Last year this day she was sure that we were done, that she was done, she had enough of my bullshit and won’t stand for it. She had no reason to stand by me, she had no reason for supporting me, she gave me so many chances and all I did is lie, over and over again. Well, make a story short throughout this year we had a lot of up and downs, we had to overcome so many obstacles, to learn and grow together, and that’s what we did. I’ve learned what it really means to be in love, to be happy, to be grateful, I’ve learned what connection and intimacy is. I’ve lived with my wife over 12 years now and for 12 years I thought I was in love, but I did not know what really is, I thought I was happy, but I was miserable. I loved the idea of the family and I thought what we had was happiness, but I was so wrong. I had to change my lifestyle to really get into recovery mode, and not just checking boxes. Whenever I thought ok I got this, there is something else I’ve learned that I need to change or learn. Recovery is so much more than just stopping PM, there are so many layers and for everyone it’s different, I had to discover mine the hard way. I did not have a therapist, or support groups that I can go and talk, nor I had a couch. My wife was my therapist, my couch, my AP, and my mentor and I am so grateful and happy she was there for me and learned to trust her no matter how much shame and guilt I had. I’ve told her things that I had never thought I would tell anyone. She also was an inspiration and motivation to start doing the self-care, I started to get up early because I saw her doing it, I started to listen to motivational and inspirational podcasts and videos because I saw her doing it and she shared so many with me. When I was getting complacent she was there to tell me that and not once, she had to fight her own demons not to shut down and continue to tell me and support me. I know that as much as this recovery is hard for me I know that is was so much harder for her, every mistake I did for me for a new, what I mean I never thought about my mistakes, now I experienced them without PM and it felt different, new and I was trying to learn from them. For her, however, it was the same thing she had lived for years and didn’t want to anymore, but she was there supporting me and not helping me through. I know she has grown a lot too, she changed so much in so many ways, even though she doesn’t notice some of those changes but I do. I want to tell her that I love her so much and she means to me more than anything in this world. She helped me to become a better man, a better husband, a better friend, and a better father. Thanks to this recovery and hard work, and all the ups and downs, thanks to all that it gave me a chance to earn back trust with my wife, it gave me a chance to make sure that she would choose to stay and for me to love her and to keep her happy.
As I mentioned, my wife was done with me last year and I never thought I would get another chance with her. Well, a year into this recovery I asked her if she would be willing to give me another chance, and I am happy to report that she said yes. Now, getting to that was not easy for her or myself, there were a lot of mistakes, setbacks, but she saw my consistent hard work, my dedication in this recovery, self-care and that’s what persuaded her decision. It’s a difficult journey, never-ending and I know that I still have a lot of work ahead of me, but it’s all worth it. I can not be happier or grateful for her for sticking by me and supporting me this past year, and most importantly believing in me and giving US another chance.
I know I still have a long and difficult journey ahead of me but I’ve learned so much along the way and I want to help others in any way that I can, which is through my personal experience and advice. I’m interested in being an HONEST AP for someone in a similar situation (married, with kids) who is starting, but serious about doing this and doesn’t expect any sugar coating. This is difficult, it’s an everyday thing (lifestyle change), there are no breaks when it comes to real recovery. I had to learn this the hard way, I was lucky I had a wife who was there to tell me when I was getting complacent, now I am willing to do this for someone else, who needs it. Remember, this recovery will only be as successful, as the amount of work and dedication that you are willing to put into it. No one can do it for you, it has to come from within.
A little about me:
Location: USA (Eastern Time Zone)
Relationship Status: Married for 12+ years, 2 children
Current Streak with no PM: 374 days
If there are any other married guys out there, who are looking for an AP, feel free to send me a message.
LINK – One Year Free of PM