The purpose of this post is to inspire, and confirm. I’m 36 years old and had been using porn for about 20 years. It got pretty intense at some periods. All the usual addiction symptoms I’ve experienced, no desire for real women, ED, low motivation, inability to concentrate, mediocre in relationships and career, increasingly warped and weird tastes in sex and sexuality.
I never thought myself capable of bringing an end to this. In fact, i have had accounts on this forum before and eventually i gave up. After a period of poor health, and ED with almost every woman I met, I decided some dramatic changes had to take place.
Let me confirm, first, that nofap is indeed part of a holistic work of self-improvement.
I hired a life coach and psychologist to walk me through my issues. This was probably the first step to realizing I could make permanent change. I had been telling myself a story, and a narrative, based on trauma, that had helped me survive in the past but was seriously stunting my growth and forward movement. It was time to let it go.
I fasted for some time just to clear my space when I was on holiday.
I came off social media for about 2 months.
I deleted all the ”maybes,” and destructive contacts in my phone, and started asking women and men what were their intentions in my life. If in the romantic or sexual relations I had with women they did not see us going into something loving and long term, I immediately cut them out of my life. I resolved to let go of all romantic and sexual relationships for some time, and to let go of hurt, past soul mates, or any intention to recover them. I deleted all old photos, threw away material people had given me, and just cleared my space.
I determined to change the way I eat and live forever, more plant based.
I determined to be very gentle with myself and to tell my self how proud I was of the steps I was taking.
I set up a vision board that included me sharing about my freedom from pornography and PMO, and practiced visualizing me being free (this was a big one)
I added Ever Accountable to my phone and talked to my accountability partner.
I publicly admitted to my problem on social media, in order to free myself from guilt and expectations.
I joined the SLAA in my city.
So, those are the steps that helped me, I hope some of them will help you, or help you identify new things you can try.
For me, the biggest was the life coach/counselling, and the fasting. I kind of did the fasting on a whim, but something about denying yourself food not only abates the sexual desire but shows you your true strength, your ability to deny yourself even a basic need, far more a pleasure.
So – results!
Somewhere around day 50 I was explaining to a friend at a restaurant that I felt no desire for most women. I had/ have been flatlining, and at a few parties I went to, women would give me the eye or even dance on me and I couldnt get it up. This scared me even though I’d read up on the process, and lead me to almost compromise my streak to ”test” myself. I also slipped up once and hopped back on a dating/ hookup site I used in the past.
But in all, the superpowers are real.
I have huge reserves of energy and willpower.
I am sleeping about 5/6 hours a day, down from 8/9.
I’ve lost 30 lbs and gained muscle mass over the past few months. The fasting and intermittent fasting of course helped, as well as reexamining my relationship with food and emotional eating.
I look and feel great, I feel the stares, believe me.
So, I’m at this restaurant with my friend and this beautiful woman comes in. I go up to her and small talk starts. I dont know where I get the courage but I offer to buy her meal and have her join us. She does! After a short while I realize this is no ordinary woman, and I feel the evidence of my attraction to a whole mind, body and spirit, that then manifests itself in a sexual attraction. I realize then, that I had not been losing attraction for women, I had just been, with all due respect, choosing such easy targets that I could not respect myself or them for being with me. Mediocrity all around. After a while, my friend says something to offend her and she chooses to leave. Again I surprise myself. The old me would run off after her and try to placate her, abandoning my guy. But I finish the meal with him and contact her later.
I’m really excited to meet and we go on a short date. We share more and turns out she’s a supermodel. Which I could have guessed at from her stunning looks. Normally, a bit out of my league. I realize this woman has rich and powerful men around her all the time. I find in myself my humor, compassion, and fun attitude, and I think she had a great time. She invited me home and we hung out. A really great time. We even agreed to meet again but circumstances did not permit.
I’m not saying this to boast, i’m saying this to confirm to you that at the end of the tunnel, superpowers and a life beyond your dreams awaits, something not only I doubted, but doubted I could achieve.
This platform, SLAA, and other things are halfway houses, and I do not plan to use here often because i’ve found many of the tools to implement. I am also very wary of posting success and then having a let down, something that has been common in the past. It will not happen this time dv.
I want to encourage you, if you are in the depths of despair, dont give up. I would read posts like this and think it could NEVER be me, now it is. One day it will be you too. Because we are unique our key to freedom is not a tumbler key, but a combination lock. For me, counselling, fasting, and detatchment (letting go) seems to have done it.
I remember how much this platform helped and would like, from the bottom of my heart, to wish everyone success and healing and thanks. I wont continue here as I said, so excuse me not replying and such.