Age 37 – Less depressed, More confident. My sex life with my wife is much more satisfying. I’m a more stable husband & father.

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I figure right about now is a fair time to give my first “Success Story.” I’ve been off porn and masturbation for 120+ days. Some things I’ve noticed:

  • I don’t often get depressed for no reason. Things still get to me, but they are the kinds of things which would get to anyone. I’m not immune to life’s stressors by any means, but I am equipped and emotionally balanced enough not to retreat into my own little sulk-corner.
  • It’s true that I am more confident in conversations and hold eye contact better. It’s also amazing how quickly the change ‘normalizes’. It doesn’t seem weird to me that I can talk to good looking girls that I just met without getting flustered. This is just me now.
  • My sex life with my wife is much more satisfying. There’s a rhythm to my libido now. I find myself availing myself of her services more often.
  • I’m a more stable husband and father now. I am the rock that my family clings to for stability, now more than ever.

What has helped me:

1) The name of Jesus. I had a real addiction (read: demonization) but the compulsive “You have no choice” urge left me when it was ordered to leave in His name. I encourage anyone who is having a real problem not relapsing to seek out a deliverance minister/exorcist and seeing whether or not that is a part of the problem.

2) This forum. Making it my -almost- daily habit to come here and hold myself accountable; together with the support of the people I’ve met here, has made all the difference.

3) My decision to take this journey independently of my wife. Your mileage may vary, but my wife is deeply hurt by my usage of porn. She is simply not equipped to ‘help’ me on this path by being understanding, because she has never struggled with it. And her emotional reactions of hurt and confusion do nothing to mask my wicked desires, they only amplify them and trigger me. I had to make the decision that I would not purposefully involve her in my journey for self-mastery. Once I made the decision not to tether my walk to her ups and downs, it became a bit easier on me. This isn’t advice, just testimony. If you have a wife and feel she would be an asset, by all means involve her.

4) My wife: Not going to lie. Nofap is easier when you have a legitimate outlet for sexual feelings. Sorry. Not just from a ‘release of pressure’ standpoint, but even the built up pressure is easier to bear when you know that you will, probably sooner than later, be having sex. If you have a wife, I strongly advise making use of her whenever you have opportunity. I also strongly advise MAKING opportunity. One of my usual triggers was waking up in the middle of the night, knowing I needed to sleep but being unable to. And knowing that masturbation was a good way to get tired again led to a lot of late night/early morning M sessions. Now, if I wake up like that I will shamelessly wake her up to take care of me at 2:30 in the dang morning. Trust me, she would rather lose a little sleep here and there than have a man that needs to sneak around and PM just to make it through the night. It may seem discourteous, but if it weren’t a real need and hunger, I probably would have never gotten married in the first place, and we wouldn’t be posting on a forum about it, would we?

Disclaimer: 120 days sounds like a lot… Particularly if you’re in the iron grip of a daily habit, but in the real world that’s called 4 months. I don’t consider myself to have truly attained the NoFap lifestyle. I only feel emboldened to write a success story at this point because I feel there have been significant changes in my life: Enough to report on, anyways.

Edit: Oh I quit smoking 3 months ago too. Thought I’d mention…

LINK – The papers want to know whose shirts I wear.

by MajorTom