My brothers, it´s done . 90 days, no pornography, no masturbation!
It´s been a hell of a ride, i´m trying this for almost 2 years now and i finally succeed it . I´m very happy . I learn much in this process and i´ll share with you on the next post my tips to a effective reboot. For now i just want to share my story with you, maybe you can relate.
I´m 38 years old, i´ve been addicted to porn since 17/18 years old. My first experience with porn was when i was about 13 years. I was with a group of friends hanging in and one of then brought a porn vhs to the house. He put it on the vcr and that caused a shocking effect on me. I was disgusted of what i was seeing. the movie had a lot of extreme scenes, besides the natural graphic nature of pornography. Half of us (me included) were disgusted by that, so we pretend we were distracted with other things, the other half of the group keep on looking in awe. It was a dreadful experience for me and i remember telling a friend “dude, i will never do that to a girl, relations are for love”, he agreed with me instantly.
So years passed and around 15/16 years, i discover masturbation. Almost instantly i discover fapping “to something”. I became very hooked on that, it was a great experience. So i was a regular fapper (2/3 times per week) mainly using recorded sex scenes from movies, nothing serious.
About when i was 17 years old, internet appeared. It was a game changer. My first reaction was “nudes!!”. And internet had then, a lot!
Back then the connection was slow and there was no quick video platforms. We had to download everything file by file, so a single pmo session could last hours.
My attraction to pmo increased a lot and this was probably the time when i got mildly addicted, fapping maybe everyday. I remember vividly that the day just didn´t seem to end right if i didn´t have “my girls”. pmo made me feel complete, masculine. However i remember one time i was fed up with my behaviour and i swear i would spend 2 weeks without pmo, but i didn´t last more than 4 days.
So years go by and i was a regular porn/masturbation user until maybe 31/32 years old. From this period of time i didn´t experience any negative effects in my life, or at least i was unaware of then. However i experience lot´s of relationship conflicts, lot´s of insecurity, jealousy, resentment and anger. I thought it was my personality, now i see with was pmo all along that was destroying my self-esteem and relationships.
Then one day i realize that when i didn´t pmo i felt more lighter, more happy, more confident. Then it became clear that pmo was causing me some form of damage. So i try to stop… but i couldn´t. i kept on doing it, even knowing that it was causing me damages.
So more time passed by and then something happen. I started using pmo to deal with emotional suffering. Stress, hurt, anger, etc… This rang a bell on me because i knew that this was what alcoholics do, they drink to deal with their pain. Plus i start to loose control on pmo sessions, whilst before i would do 1 or 2 times and i was satisfied, now i would only stop after several times, when i was half dead. I develop social anxiety, fatigue, insomnia… all the terrible spectrum that we know now are consequences of pmo addiction.
Now i knew something very serious was happening to me. i looked on information and i was shocked to find out that there was something called “porn addiction”. I discover the nofap lifestyle and try to implement it. However i had no technique, no method, no knowledge, and no serious engagement, so i didn´t go far. i thought nofap was too hard and maybe the solution was about reducing pmo instead of going cold turkey.
So i spent 2 years of my life trying to control pmo use. “Only on these days, or that days…” “only x times per week”, “only x times in weekend days”, “only masturbation” bla bla bla, i tried all kinds of systems. Nothing worked. In the end i would always do pmo much more than i wanted to. So one day it became clear to me that if i was a true addicted i would never control pmo usage, it was a waste of time to think otherwise.
So 2 years ago, i decided to engage seriously on the reboot, not that i wanted to, but because i needed to. I had no choice. My life was a living hell. During this period of serious engagement i learn a lot, i also relapse a lot but i never gave in. I learn with my mistakes, gain more knowledge until it became natural and easier to spend the day without pmo. I keep on using my reboot system, and refining it, until this very day.
Now i´m gonna present you how my life was in pmo addiction and how it´s now.
BEFORE – very low physical energy, always tired, i barely could run.
NOW – i have a lot more energy and stamina.
BEFORE – very low mental energy, huge attention deficit, very hard to concentrate, lot´s of memory failures, many times i couldn´t remember things i did 5 seconds ago.
NOW – my memory has improved a lot and also my concentration. I´m much faster and smarter now. It seems pmo casts a fog in the mind. Everything seemed dull and shallow before. Now i´m very aware of the surroundings, everything seems brighter and alive. It´s great!!!
BEFORE – very high social anxiety. I couldn´t look at anybody, especially women. I couldn´t talk straight with women because i was so nervous. I was avoiding places which had lot´s of people. If i needed to go to places with many people (ex: the supermarket) i would travel far away to not face people that i know.
NOW – i still have some social anxiety but it´s much less, i have no stress in talking with women, i feel at ease with them.
BEFORE – lot´s of insomnia, bad sleep, i wake up 1 or 2 hours before regular time
NOW – my sleep is good, deep and solid.
BEFORE – i feel disconnected from my wife. i didn´t feel love or attraction to her, just sympathy.
NOW – i have a great marriage, i regain my love and affection for her.
BEFORE – i had premature ejaculation, i could attain an orgasm in less than a minute.
NOW – i have regular ejaculations, orgasms are delayed to a normal time span, sex is great, no porn thoughts during intercourse.
BEFORE – i was thinking on sex lots of times. I was seeing women as objects. Checking out women’s body parts like a pervert.
NOW – I almost don´t think about sex. The world is seen in a totally different way. I see women as full individuals, pretty, attractive, intelligent and emotional. I don´t see them as objects and i´m very fond of them. Sometimes i still check them out, but on a natural attraction, not to arouse myself.
BEFORE – i was altering between flatline periods and extreme urges periods.
NOW – i don´t feel either. However if i expose myself to risky situations, it still feel desire to pmo.
BEFORE – i felt disconnected from the world. I had some hate towards social interaction and humans in general. I felt a piece of shit.
NOW – i feel confident and social. I have more patience, understanding and empathy towards humans and living beings in general.
BEFORE – my face was pale, dry and scared. My hair was falling like leaves in autumn.
NOW – my face has his natural skin tone, serene and colorful. My hair has stopped falling and became stronger and thicker again. Comparing to my group of friends my hair looks the best.
BEFORE – i was emotional unbalanced, selfish, easily irritated and hurt. Lot´s of negative thoughts.
NOW – i feel very innocent, i don´t feel guilty or pervert. I have a good self-esteem and emotional stability. it takes a lot to put me off balance and if i become upset i regain my peace faster. Sometimes i feel a deep peace inside of me, a very good feeling.
This is the benefits i gain in 90 days, i´m sure that in 180 days it will become even better . Let´s go my brothers!!!