I have just posted this in my journal [link no longer active], but I thought you’d like to hear about the effects I’ve noticed after the first 40 days.
This feels like a real milestone. I’ve successfully given up PM now for about six weeks, and it’s making a real, measurable difference.
- My relationship with my wife has improved significantly. This has not been due to the increase in the number of times we have sex, but because I’m not off in a little anxious shame / fantasy bubble. I’m less guilty and less stressed, and it means we have more fun together. We also try to make sure we get at least 10 minutes to just talk / snuggle before bed, nothing sexual, just loving touch and engaged conversation. This is a massive deal for me, and I feel very, very
- My ED is healing. It’s not 100% yet, but I’m probably able to perform about 60-70% of the time.
- My wife is feeling more open about asking for what she wants when we do have sex. I’m not now (and am not likely ever to be) fantastic in bed, but I’m much more interested in what is good for her.
- My sex with my wife is significantly better than it has been for years. I’m not 100% yet in terms of the ED, but we’ve averaged sex about once a week for the last six weeks (which is more than we managed in the previous year). This has not necessarily caused the improvement in our relationship, but it’s feeling pretty damn amazing, and could well be the effect of the improvement in other areas of our relationship.
- I’ve noticed my penis is more sensitive than it was (no more death grip) and I suspect that it’s getting larger (though this may be my imagination)…
- I feel much more peaceful and less anxious
- I feel much more able socially, at work etc.
- I feel much more able to tackle other problem areas in my life (overeating, etc.)
I couldn’t have got this far without this forum. The wisdom, advice, encouragement (and descriptions of where the PMO road leads to) have been absolutely vital. Thank you everyone for helping me this far. Also, I couldn’t have done it without my faith, inward, contemplative prayer, has been a core element of my recovery. So, thank you God (look, I’ve said it here in public and everything!)
I am very aware that I could still relapse, and go back to my old ways. I am under no illusions, 40 days is a milestone, but it really isn’t that long when compared with the length of time I’ve invested in establishing bad habits (27 years or so). As of now, I am simply in remission and could easily let things slide. I don’t know yet how long I need to keep fighting this battle consciously, and at what point it just becomes an automatic part of who I am, but my best estimate is that I need to keep going for at least a year before I’ll be able to answer that question properly.
So, time to keep going.
Blessings gentlemen, this is absolutely worth it!
LINK – 40 day landmark
by Bombadil [NopFap account no longer active]