Age 56 – My reboot story: 95 days pmo free to a brighter life


I described here my experiences during my journey of 95 days freedom without pmo, it’s just the first step to a brighter future, that is my hope anyway…

A./ Intro: Why I joined NoFap and how I started this journey ?
B./ My first attempt: day 1 – 14 days, fail… (relapse)
C./ My second attempt: day 1 – 95 days

1./ Days 1 – 15: A new begin after my relapse.
2./ Days 16 – 30: The first period after breaking the previous “high” streak of 14 days.
3./ Days 31 – 50: Starting the second month.
4./ Days 51 – 60: On my way to 2 full months.
5./ Days 61 – 80: Happy as ever.
6./ Days 81 – 90: Reaching out for 90 days.
7./ Days 91 – 95: The last days.

I chose the above time frames because they outline for me some phases how i felt different for some reason or because something else important happened that influenced my streak.
If you think this is too much to read, you can go directly to section D./

D./ Positive and withdrawal effects I experienced during my reboot.
E./ How this reboot changed my life and my future: strategy for a pmo free lifetime: next steps…
F./ Words of thanks to fellow Fapstronauts: importance of this community for rebooting properly.

A./ Intro: Why i joined NoFap and how i started this journey ?

My first post here was this on October 10th,2017:

So, since the most common rebooting period is 90 days, i started of trying to get there.
Not much later I decided to go for 100 days, inspired by some great guys here who aimed for the same goal! On the evening of day 95 I decided to stop counting the days, because i feel like it’s not important to me anymore.
The for me important counting is every day from now on, the rest of my life, trying to live happy and to be the best person i can be to others and to myself.

B./ My first attempt: day 1 – 14 days, fail… (relapse)

I started with a very good feeling, determined to do this right, because at the time, I knew it would be a real chance to get pmo out of my life. A real chance to beat my addiction before it would destroy me…

I looked at lots of resources on the NoFap website and I read a great deal about pmo addiction and i also explored the website: a great deal. Lots of useful info there!

So i started very well armed with knowledge to avoid pitfalls and do this right!
My reboot went smooth, i had no real problems.

After even a few days, i felt energetic and more clear in my head, and i was really happy to experience i could really stop doing pmo! That was an awesome motivating feeling to me !

Oh yeah: On day 2 i erased everything i had of porn, i mean like everything, and it felt like i’m free ! Who needs the crap anyway ?

I gained everyday some more energy apparently, and days 11-12-13 were like i was already flatlining…

I never saw the dark clouds coming my way on the evening of day 14:
Day 14: Last evening, I had some mood swings, hopefully my brain is noticing i’m on a dopamine diet .
Today is weekend, had a good night, and still very flatlined.
This first 2 weeks went very good, but I’m on the lookout for unexpected temptations, it won’t stay so easy, i know that. But for now, staying strong, moving forward !”
Only hours after i wrote this on my journal pages, i failed, badly …

The next day, i wrote this:

Day 0: Out of the blue, i relapsed last night. I couldn’t resist the urges, triggered by just 1 particular photo… I will think about how to proceed now, I’m not sure right now.”
It hit my self confidence very very hard, and I felt completely lost and helpless, not knowing how to proceed…
Just a warning: the first photo i accidently saw on Tumblr, looking for motivational quotes on “decent” blogs, triggered me a few hours later, I couldn’t get the picture out of my head, i had not enough willpower to do so at the time…
Always try to stop a triggering issue at once, the sooner you act, the bigger the chance you will succeed in ignoring it !
So, Sunday 22/10/2017 was a terrible day, and the next day, i started fresh, still very down about what happened. That was day 1 of this more successful streak…
I posted my “relapse report” here:

I was lost and sad for 3 whole days, and even if i started the journey again on Monday (day 1), i had lack of self confidence, it was awkward. I managed to get over it after some 3 days, so: don’t relapse guys, it really sucks !

C./ My second attempt: day 1 – 100 days.

1./ Days 1 – 15: A new begin after my relapse.

I started vigorous and out for revenge, i wrote in my journal:
Day 1: The relapse put me back to reality. I will fight this addiction with everything inside me from day 1. I will win this fight. Staying strong !
The first days went very good and my self confidence became stronger again. The next I wrote in my journal was my strategy for doing this right and it did everything i hoped it would:

Day 3: Urges from the relapse are gone, so it seems
I feel more calm and peaceful again, it’s a nice feeling really.
I will start the 7 days challenge today, and thereafter the 14-21-30 challenges, building step by step (thx so much @2525 !).
Very confident now, but holding my guard awake and firm, staying strong !
This wise advise was exactly what i needed, breaking up the long journey of 100 days into smaller, easier to accomplish goals. While doing so, it gives you more confidence and a mentally boost to keep going !

Day 10: Mentally a big milestone at the time, i was proud and happy to reach this.

Day 15: Yes! I broke my personal record of the previous (and only) streak, an important milestone for me mentally! I want to go much much further of course.
I really couldn’t do this without the tremendous support of this great community, so thank you everyone ! I’m humble and grateful, i’ll continue this journey day by day Keep moving forward! It was big, reaching a new personal record!

@2525 wrote to me at the time: “From now on, every day will be a new record for you, don’t miss this opportunity!” I say this every day since that day to myself in the morning, it helped me to be where I am today. Every new day it is still true !
Thank you for this @2525 ! It really made a difference for me !

2./ Days 16 – 30: The first period after breaking the previous “high” streak of 14 days.

Mainly no real problems occurred to me.
I had some wet dreams (not really “wet”, but erotic and very real), and I had sometime mood swings in this period. I had few urges, lots of morning wood but during daytimes it seemed more like a flatline. I also experienced lots of p-related flashes of movies and pictures. Around say 30 this was noticeably diminished, almost gone entirely.

Day 30: Finally, i reached this milestone! Yes, I’m happy ! 6 Weeks ago when i first started, i never could have imagined this ! I owe this community a great “thank you” for making it possible for me to get here with lots of support and encouraging during my reboot. Thank you all so much!

So, this period was not really very difficult for me. Around day 25 i experienced very vivid fantasies that could let me easily into edging, but i learnt to block them as soon they appeared, i’m sure that saved my reboot at the time. Remember to block FAST if you ever experience this, the faster you block this, the easier it is to let go and distract yourself !

3./ Days 31 – 50: Starting the second month.

Day 33: I struggled with some issue of the past ( a past relation) and I even asked myself why i was doing all this … Was it worth doing it ? I got over it and yes, it’s more than worth it! Believe me!
Be careful for mood swings, they trouble your vision on reality! The same goes for urges !

Day 35: I noticed an increase in willpower by not getting triggered due to some erotic scenes in a movie/ series on Netflix.

Day 40: Today I’m so grateful to realise I’m on this journey for 40 days The contrast how i feel today compared to day 0/1 couldn’t be greater imo.
I guess all the despair and dark thoughts the pmo addiction brought in my mind , are to be undone, every day a little bit more. I know I’m far from cured, I’m not, but to know I’m getting better and stronger (willpower) step by step is indeed a very warm and happy feeling.

Day 42: Yesterday i got some p-flashes but i blocked them by immediately thinking of a big red X with a black background and saying “no !”. It’s very effective, you should try it if it happens to you !
The faster you think of this “X”, the more effective it will be, i’m talking 0,5-1 seconds here, even faster if you can ! Try it ! It worked for me ! I found this to be very useful and i used it every time i was tempted by some trigger unexpectedly.

Day 50: I never thought i could get to this beautiful streak myself some 7 weeks ago ! I am so so happy to reach this, and what makes me most happy is HOW i reached this: with the never-ending warm support of so many beautiful people in this community! Mutual support is key in overcoming pmo addiction , so please, connect to each other, support each other, we will all benefit from it !
I have more energy every day, I’m so positive, i am truly alive and it feels awesome !

After 50 days the positive benefits were clearly noticeable, every day! (see later section D./)

4./ Days 51 – 60: Second part of this reboot.

Generally i can state about this period of my reboot that i felt very committed to this community to not relapse. I had a difficult week for the first time, but day 60 was the best in my reboot.

Day 56: Indeed 8 weeks today on this healing journey i started ! Last week was the most difficult of my whole journey until now, but the advantage is that the next one probably is a better one !
I saw many relapses the last few days allover the forum, and it reminds me how quickly things can go wrong… I’ll be on my guard , i had some more urges than the past period yesterday, i guess my body is healing , which of course is the meaning of this journey !

Tonight i had a very real wet dream, it woke me up even, and I struggled with some serious urges after this happened. I just did nothing, thought about it being a wave and how far i am in this streak and some other distracting things. It has helped me and eventually, the urges went away …

The good thing is my body heals as I see this. The thing to realize is that from now on i’ll probably have far more urges in the near future, I’ll be on my guard!
Day 60: Thank you all so much! I can’t say how happy i am to be here. 8 Weeks ago i was at my lowest ever, really at the bottom, and now my life is full of joy and positivity, the power of encouragement and connection to people, the accountability to others is tremendous.
Everyday i’m feeling better than the previous one.

5./ Days 61 – 80: Happy as ever.

From here, things only got better, less and less urges, no p-related flashbacks and more and more positivity !
On day 68, i had some bad urges but I managed them by doing nothing, just let them pass.
I started the New Year on day 71, I outlined how i will continue after my reboot first goal (100 days):

Day 71: Happy New Year to all ! Make it a pmo free one !
I’m happy today to start this New Year pmo free. Last year this time i was very sad and I had no hope of anything really…

The last 3 months of 2017 have made all that turn around completely. I feel almost every day happy and my mood is positive, i never had so many good days in my life !
Quitting pmo is without any doubt the best thing I’ve done since very very long, maybe the best ever !

I know I don’t wanna lose this feeling and this improvement of my life, never!
My first goal is now reach 100 days pmo free. Like i said before, 100 days will probably not be enough, so i will prolonge my reboot without a doubt.
I read around a bit here, and some mention a clean reboot from a severe pmo addiction between 5 and 18 months, yes : months…

I don’t know exactly how addicted i was, i know it was severe, especially the months before i joined here were worrysome , they really were awful.
Let’s do this day by day, +1 every day, time is a powerful friend.

I will start the 60 day challenge (thank you so much @2525) after i finish the 30 day challenge (today is day 27/30) I absolutely need a goal to stay focused
During this time I will evaluate my progress, and depending on that ,i will take the appropriate action to completely cure myself.
I’m done with pmo, that, i know for sure!

Thank you all for your support in 2017, it helped me so much in my progress to happiness and being healthy again! Thank you, really!

Day 80 was good to reach, it opened the door for the final go to 90 days !

6./ Days 81 – 90: Reaching out for 90 days.

The last 10 days to the big “90 days”!

Day 84: Counting down to 90 days of course, tomorrow will be a nice “in between” milestone of 85 days , but what really makes me happy about this reboot these days, is the state of my mind regarding pmo: I have no p-flashbacks anymore, and i finally can imagine i can do without p the rest of my life like i feel it today
My willpower is becoming stronger and it feels so good to experience this !
When i was at the worst period of my pmo days some 3 to 4 months ago, i often asked myself why i was so helpless in resisting to continually engage in pmo ?
Well, now i know: hypofrontality caused this lack of willpower, and my willpower is becoming again stronger day by day now. It’s a great sign that my brain is recovering, and that makes me very very confident to go on!

Day 86, i wrote this: (in an answer to someone who commented on my journal about the daycount):
We’re all the same in this journey, and we all go from 1 to … It’s just a number really, the important thing is you change your lifestyle into healthy habits by having some things in your life that are more important to do for you than pmo ! Turning to pmo (or any addiction) is really a way of running from the problems in your life, instead of facing and solving them.

I learnt so much about my self and my life, and the good things i experience every day from this reboot are also one of my biggest motivational points to keep going!
Another big one is the accountability to people here and this community, it’s powerful ! Stay strong my friends !

Day 87: I’m home today (like all Wednesdays) and i have more time to myself for reflecting on my life and this journey. I like what i see really, everyday i am thankful for how I changed and have no longer feelings of guilt and despair anymore. I can look in the mirror and see myself in the eyes, and smile to myself for what i see: a happy guy, so energetic and ready for another good day .

I’m nearing 90 days, and it is ofcourse “the” milestone, but already now i feel like the day count will lose importance over transforming your future life into a permanent journey without pmo, regardless of the days. I guess that’s why the daycounter here stops counting at 500 days and shows “500+ Days”…
Thank you all again for being here for me on this journey, i never felt so appreciated as here in this community! Striving for the same goals really makes people wanna be at their best!

I’m writing this on day 90, at midnight (of day 89 to 90 that is):
I feel happy, proud, thankful, but most of all grateful and humble to be able to do this.
I owe this community and some very special people here so much for supporting me, encouraging me and believing in me ! (you know who you are ! ) Thank you all! I feel great, and yes, it’s more than worth it ! Whooohoo !

7./ Days 91 – 95: The last days to 95 days pmo free.

Day 91: Sunday and realising I’m not there yet, next goal 100 days, i’ll be careful and humble !

Day 92: It was a challenging day at work, lots of issues, it affected my mood, but i managed to stay positive. I had some small cravings for p- movies i remembered out of the blue really, it was a bit scary because it’s been a while i experienced this. I’ll be on my guard !

Day 93: Another troubling day at work. I saw some relapses here and eventually it got to my mood, it has been a lon gtime i felt this lonely and kinda sad. I will stay strong, no relapse now!

Day 94: Another bad day so it seems, feeling lost, alone and tempted. I don’t know what’s happening to me … This is were i reflected almost all day about my rebooting journey and my future, and the counter… I was feeling less good than before in this journey due to several things here (relapses) and at work that striked me unexpected…
Update in the afternoon: I realise i am just letting my negativity rationalise myself why i better stop all this and go back to m and o, or even p… Well, NOT GONNA HAPPEN brain ! I will stay positive and go on, and be even more careful for what negativity in the irl world can do to your mindset ! Don’t fall into this one guys ! Stay honest with yourself ! Lesson learnt ! Let’s do this !

Day 95: I decided in the late evening this would be the last “day to count”. My journey changed my view about life and how to go on after this reboot, and i realised the count is really irrelevant now for me. As important as it was the first part of the journey, with every +10 days the importance seemed to diminish.
So, i will just go on here and remove the counter.
I’m not completely cured, i don’t think i ever will 100%, but i learnt a lot of things about the addiction, how to get it out of my life , and how to not let it hamper my happiness and control over my life !

I possibly will look for someone in my life again, but i haven’t figured it out yet how and when. I’ll take it one day at the time, just trying to be happy and to support others here.

D./ Positive and withdrawal effects i experienced during my reboot.

Positive effects i experienced:

1.) I feel better overall, more energetic, more willpower to get things done.
2.) I feel more confident and less anxious among people.
3.) I am happier.My days are much brighter and joyful.
4.) I feel stronger physically and mentally.
5.) I don’t feel guilty or ashamed all the time, i can look people right into the eyes now.
6.) My face looks better, healthier. My eyes shine more.
7.) I respect the man I see in the mirror. I can smile in the mirror and feel proud and not ashamed .
8.) I know life isn’t perfect, but i will make the best of each day, every day !
9.) I try to make the right choice every day and be helpfull to others at work i.e.
I feel a far better person, and i am really happy with it !

Withdrawal effects i experienced:

1.) Craving for dopamine (urges, p-related flashbacks in the first weeks sometimes).
2.) Moodswings during the first 60 days (mostly), sometimes even the weeks after 60 days.
3.) Emotions sometimes were very intense: crying over some minor things, even without really knowing why i cried. Sometimes i was so happy without a real reason.
4.) Wet dreams/ erotic dreams: i only had 1 real “wet dream”, followed by heavy urges the day after. I had a lot of erotic dreams (not wet), it’s part of the cleaning of the brain i guess. I had no real urges after this dreams (no ejaculation so less dopamine).
5.) I had no real headaches or blue balls, no other physical discomfort really. I was very lucky maybe, i don’t know.

E./ How this reboot changed my life and my future: strategy for a pmo free lifetime: next steps…

I started on NoFap with a goal of rebooting the “hard mode” for 90 days.
Later on my journey i decided to change my “primary“ goal to 100 days, i just liked it better…

On day 95 the days didn’t matter anymore really, so i stopped the counter and i will go on without it: just saying “no” to pmo every day again and again …

During this reboot i thought a lot about what i would do next after succeeding, and the way i see it today is : just ODAT (one day at the time).

The strategy i followed on my journey was as follows:

1./ Set small goals, day by day.
The way i did this was by doing the challenges (thank you @2525 for creating them) from low to higher streaks (7-14-21-30-60). started this at day 3 of my reboot.

2./ The 3 mistakes @2525 wrote about (the link is in his signature or here):

The tekst on my profile (information tab):

The NoFap company is fighting pornography, we’re just taking a distance from it, forever !
Positivity (positive self esteem), connecting to people here (mutual support and encouragement), and a changing lifestyle (use your time useful, eat healthy, avoid bad habits…) are key in losing this awful pmo addiction but it goes far beyond that !
The accountability to each other and to this community is a powerful motivation to take this journey to a better life without pmo as far as one can.
(Thank you so much @2525 for outlining this in “The 3 mistakes”)
It was a big help to me on this journey to freedom of pmo !

F./ Words of thanks to fellow Fapstronauts: importance of this community for rebooting properly.

It’s really an almost impossible task to thank everyone who supported me here ! I received so much support and encouragement from so many awesome people here !

From day 1 i felt a part of this community, and i’m grateful this feeling only became stronger with every day of my healing proces. I tried to give back as much as i could, and i will keep trying to do this in the future.

The accountability to go on and to not relapse was bigger towards some people here and the NoFap community as a whole, than to myself.

Yes, you read it right: I was more reluctant to have to admit i relapsed/ resetted to the community than to myself. This mindset creates a very powerful barrier not tob e crossed and to stay focused!

So, my advise: Look for an accountability that you will defend at all cost , it will keep you focussing with great persistence. At least, that’s how i experienced it.

An AP or i.e. the NoFap community or someone else, no matter who or what, as long as you’re strongly committed to it! More strongly than the urges to return to pmo behavior ! If you can accomplish that, you’re journey will be a lot easier!

I am very grateful and humble for the lesson this reboot has teached me on more than 1 occasion and in many aspects of my life, i will be thankful for it the rest of my life !
THANK YOU all for your endless support to me!
Be kind to each other, we all have the same fears and the same goals!
I saw lots of quotes here the passed months, some very beautiful and true ones, and the one that strikes me as i’m writing this is:

“In a world where you can be anything, be kind!”

Thank you for reading this, i appreciate it!

Keep moving forward, and stay strong!

LINK – My reboot story: 95 days pmo free to a brighter life 🙂

by Beamer