As my title alludes, after countless attempts and failures spanning over 2017 and early 2018, I have done it. I have gone 90 days without PMO.
Over the past 90 days, I’ve experienced it all; The highs of success and the way you feel almost indestructible, and the world is your oyster. To the lows of despair where you feel like a worthless piece of shit where you can’t even look at yourself in the mirror, and everything in between.
One thing I can say is that regardless of the nofap superpowers, the thing that has changed the most is that I now have self-worth and somewhat of a healthy self-esteem. Porn was the greatest obstacle in my life and it destroyed my confidence and self-esteem 5 years ago when I was in high school in grade 9. You could say this was the time when I needed my confidence the most. Before porn addiction I was a smart, charismatic and funny young man who had a lot of friends and even a lot of envy.
Once I got addicted to the stuff that is when things started changing and my integrity was slowly being eaten away, in the midst of going through hormonal changes. On top of that I was finding myself experimenting with weed. A recipe for disaster lol.
The funny thing is I remember the FIRST TIME I genuinely doubted myself. It was during break at school when none of my friends then wanted to chill with me. This moment would really stick with me and it just became worse and worse and before I knew it, I was depressed.
My school marks downgraded and the drug intake increased, resulting in a downward spiral that would continue for almost 3 years. Grade 10 and 11 for me (16yo and 17yo) were honestly the worst years of my life.
2016 was a year of change. This was when my cousin passed away due to drugs. I felt like an outcast, a loner, I’ve never felt like I fitted in since a youngster but my depression really highlighted this. However I did meet my first mentor and best friend that year. He was 7 years older than me and he saw something in me, and it was unreal how much love and support he gave me. He gave me direction and genuinely changed my life. In the final quarter of 2016 I decided to take my schoolwork seriously. I passed well and got into university to study what I wanted to study.
The porn did not stop however, and my loneliness was enhanced at university for a while. On top of that I was smoking cigarettes, which only increased the shame I felt.
This was when I discovered nofap and where I tried to quit a number of times to no avail, in 2017
I could go on forever, and 2017 was also hectic in itself but I want to conclude. From April this year I decided to take nofap seriously because I could never stay hard no matter which girl I was having sex with. I eventually came for the first time with my current girlfriend on day 76.
I just want to say that nofap has brought back the happy person I was back then. I’m still working on my flaws but I have improved tenfold. I now have self respect, and I have realized people will look at you the way you look at yourself.
Everyday was a challenge for me and I think that is the key to nofap (and life); To take it ONE DAY AT A TIME. I would genuinely search “nofap day 37” or ‘nofap day 62’ on google and would be inspired and motivated or even sympathetic to the stories these people shared. Every day people like you and me. I continued this habit all the way to day 90 and I stuck through it.
Along the journey, I cried by myself for the first time. This was when I realized how important self love is and how you will NEVER be at peace if you don’t love yourself. I was under the mindset that “once I achieve this and this THEN I will love myself..” No. Its the other way around.
And with that I conclude my Essay. This will probably be one the last posts I make on this forum. I have a whole life to live and other things to get on point. You do too. Get this thing under control, while at the same time doing what you want to do. You only live once and you just need to keep trying. This will be the highlight of my 2018; THE YEAR I FINALLY QUIT PORN FOR GOOD.
Thank you to nofap and this forum. You have saved, changed, and made my life all at once. Its been a blast.
LINK – Mission Accomplished Baby!!