Today marks my 90th day of nofap! Before I dive deep into my story I want to thank this entire forum for being such a great resource to embark on this incredible journey.
I started PMO when I was 12 and continued for 13 years. At my height, I PMO’d everyday and masterbated to fantasies of girls in my high school. I was a good looking guy who excelled at athletics and theater production. But I became socially awkward and had a very hard time with girls.
I went to college and my PMO addiction greatly started to diminish but I could never quit. Talking to girls because much easier and I had some hookups but the social anxiety, depression, brain fog would come and go. Some days I felt like that super smooth guy who could make any girl laugh and other days I felt like a loser.
3 years after graduation I was still using PMO on a weekly basis and having borderline PIED in the bedroom. I decided it was time to quit and stumbled upon Nofap.
I felt like I was the king of the world and I could take on anything. Superpowers were through the roof. Tons of energy. Girls looking at me left and right. The whole enchilada.
I had some of the best sex I ever had and thought NOFAP was going to be super easy. The girl asked me if I was a sex god after sex.
I was wrong. Boy was I WRONG!
After having sex on day 8 , all my energy, desire for change, and anything positive just flat out died. My libido was gone. My creativity in the work place took a dive. I had less focus than ever before. It was as if my brain wanted to make me miserable in order to PMO. I had terrible head aches and brain fog. I was depressed and angry at times.
Nothing could be more depressing than when I couldn’t get it up on my birthday with a gorgeous babe. That was truly my low point. I thought about suicide. I felt so alone.
I work in a creative field and I would say the lack of dopamine greatly affected me. I felt like my creativity disappeared and all my hard work over the years was for nothing. I thought about changing my career many times.
But none of this was deterring me. I forced myself to hit the weight room 5X a week. Chest day, leg day, back day, shoulder day, arm day. I did hot yoga weekly. I did low intensity training 2X a week and high intensity 2X a week. I was working out 10 times a week. I took ZMA as a supplement before I went to sleep every night. I changed my diet. I took cold showers all the time. I probably lost 10 lbs of fat and gain 10 pounds of muscle. Working out gave me hope that the hormones in my body were readjusting with all of the progress I made on my looks. This gave me tremendous willpower to fight through and not relapse.
Day 65-Day 90
That day felt a little weird, I was visiting another city for fun and had a one-night stand. I only had sex once and I was awful. But I believe this was the turning point.
A week later my super powers slowly returned, my creativity at work got better, working out seemed like less than a burden, social anxiety got better.
Went to a wedding and brought a girl back and had some pretty great sex! I felt like I was the king of the world. I don’t remember ejaculating the amount that I did during sex in a long time.
Today I feel full of energy, confident, and horny as shit. I will never go back to porn. I believe I’m still not a finished product and there is still some healing going on but with my PIED gone it is a huge relief.
As I have read about superpowers before, I would like to share what I have noticed since my rewiring process began.
The texture of my hair is completely different. I don’t know how to describe it. I use to like that modern short hair cut look but now I’ve grown my hair out to normal length because I’m obsessed with the way it looks and feels.
Girls at work have definitely noticed me way more. I catch them staring at me and wanting to talk to me more now. If it wasn’t work I would definitely go for it. Girls in general seem more comfortable talking to me even if I don’t have much to offer to the conversation. Eye contact is huge. Big confidence booster.
My gains in the weight room have been tremendous. I feel like The Rock now. Cardio has definitely gone up.
I know officially penis size is not suppose to be a nofap benefit but it is for me. My junk is 1/2 inch bigger during erection and its way bigger flaccid.
My focus and creativity at work has returned but I believe I have not peaked yet. I’ve done very well on some projects at work the last few weeks.
At the end of the day you have to want to change. I didn’t relapse because I knew this needed to happen in order to find the best version of myself. I saw working out and self body care as the biggest reasons I had the WILLPOWER to do it. Don’t lose hope. You can do really hard things.